Honeymoon fund instead of gift list - rude?

I have to agree with the cement of spending £5 instead of the £50. I wouldn't do that bit I definitely would text/call my friends/family who were also invited to say oh my god have you seen that they've asked for £50, how fucking rude and funny is that! Basically have a *** and a laugh at it but that's my opinion. But... That's probably what some people think/say when they get any kind of mention if gifts or money or vouchers... Can't please everyone!

Whatever happened to living within your means? We couldn't afford both so we went with the most important one- the getting married bit!

Im not backwards in coming forwards but even I don't have the balls to tell my guests how much I expect them to contribute. Some guests even *shocker* gave us beautiful gifts- perhaps I should have not let them attend.

We're not having a gift list but still not sure what to put in our invites however we are not expecting our guests to get us anything, any cards/gifts or vouchers would be a nice surprise the morning after.

Our wedding day is about us getting married with our loved ones being with us and that's honestly all that matters, at the moment we can't afford a honeymoon on top of the wedding at the moment so we will just wait have to wait till later in the year

I would Wow but am actually too horrified to speak.

Just.

Just.

Oh, this is nonsense.

We didn't ask.

We got.

not to be racist as im sure they are not all bad but we have a problem with gypsy scrap metellers and they are not shy of breaking in places that look easy (we had a boarded up broken window due to ice falling of the roof over Christmas... they took the landlords fridge too and someone from down the street had the same thing happen with there shed)

I might reconsider my guest list and just invite the more wealthy members --- then work out how many guests I need to invite against how much it is per head for food so I can figure out if I can pay off my honeymoon ? X

I'm taking this advice !

My friend didn't ask and she had a tiny wedding and got about 8 bottles of champagne , gifts and £1500 pound -

Omg !!!

I got my tumble dryer last week off gumtree for £25.00 I wonder if it's from a house like this x

This my favourite ever hitched thread - it's really cheered me up

It's not sanctimonious. It's manners.

We didn't ask for anything. No gift list, no money poem, no honeymoon fund.

Guests gave what they could afford, be it £100's, a bottle of champagne, a lovely homemade gift or even taxi services for our mini moon. We were stupidly grateful for everything we got.

In a previous post you say that £50 he's nothing these days and you don't think it is a lot to ask for . So when you say how do you know they don't think £10 is a lot to give you ? I throw that right back to you???

secondly a lot of people have children , different wages etc . Our credit card is on a 15 months 0% interest and we have worked out what we will need to pay each month to pay it off before the end period - if we get a helping hand on the way amazing . This is living within my boundaries ! People have 6 week honeymoons ! I think I deserve that but I can't afford it so I won't suggest to my guests to pay for it either .

I think you've just come across like all your thinking about is what your guests will be giving you - and calculated numbers and prices etc ...

Ps : I don't have a gift list to ask for anything be it £1 £10 £40 or £1 million !

Genuinely can’t believe I’ve just read this. That is an awful attitude to have.

We couldn’t afford a fancy honeymoon after paying for the wedding so we had 3 days in the Lakes. We didn’t book a fancy holiday and didn’t expect our guests to cough up virtually the full value.

I didn't have any kind of gift list or invitation request for money. People (mostly) gave us money. Isn't that interesting? I'm not sanctimonious about not suggesting a monetary value because, frankly, it should be patently obvious to anyone with any manners that it is BAD FORM (in capitals, no less) to suggest amounts to be 'paid'. I don't believe Ive ever seen anyone sanctimonious about this issue because it's so freaking bizarre that I've never come across a bride genuinely planning this as if it's an acceptable, even justified, idea. Propriety is a good thing - it keeps most of us behaving appropriately and properly.

I'm still hoping you're going to declare this a joke.

Maths - do you have 50 day guests, increasing to 80 at night? Do you expect £100 per couple, £50 per single, same for evening guests? Why book a honeymoon that sounds like it will ruin your finances when you don't recoup the cost?

Even if your "average gift" is £50 (not an unreasonable assumption based on a rough estimate of the value of our gifts, though I certainly think it's unreasonable to specify a price guide!) you won't get one from every guest. Most people will give one as a couple or a family, and the value won't necessarily increase in proportion to the number of people giving it.

Your right I don't know you --- I'm pretty happy I'm not going to be one of the guests to receive a not so shuttle hint for £50! I think it's made more obvious by the fact everyone knows a toaster isn't £50 so it's a blatant ask !

I just hope you reconsider ! You really don't need to suggest an amount to people ! Like you said their not stupid so let them be the judge of what they give ! ( ps I am interested to know how many £5era you get from doing this ! )

*suttle

stupid I phone ! Although I could use a shuttle to a bar with a vino right now x

But you are NOT for-fun guessing what contribution you are going to get (which I think is a reasonably normal thing to do). You are back-calculating how much each person needs to give to cover it, then prompting them to give that much. It is NOT acceptable to give people a guideline to how much money they should give you as a wedding gift.

In my world, if I want something I can't afford, the way I make it happen is...save up. I get your family situation and I truly hope you get a chance to have a holiday. But this is a very ugly way to go about it. Please reconsider.

F*ck me I'm cancelling our contents insurance and renewing my vows!

JJKFC, I'm amazed you think it's not rude to put such items on a gift list. People may like to buy you a little gift to celebrate your wedding, they're not there to help you upgrade your stuff. And it's your choice to spend your savings on the wedding....are you expecting them to pay you back in kind are you?

Happy, we couldn't afford a Honeymoon either. Guess what, we didn't have one! Turning on the 'poor me' attitude and pleading poverty won't wash here

I agree. If you have 50 day guests, with maybe 40 in couples, that's £50 x 20 = £1000. Plus maybe £30 each from the singles, so £30 x 10 = £300. Then 30 extra evening guests, 20 in couples so £30 x 10 = £300. Plus maybe £20 each from the singles, so £20 x 10 = £200.

Total = £1800, thereabouts. Which roughly matches what we were given for a party of 60. That's assuming all adults and all giving cash.

I wish this was a joke too

:-/

It's not a British thing. It's a I Have Basic Manners thing. As you clearly can't see past the dollar signs in your eyes, I'm not sure you'll understand.

Ah, have we been trolled?

F*cking idiot.

Are you not even a tiny bit reconsidering putting the £50 on the invite since you've had so any negative responses and so far, no-one agreeing with you? Are you not a tiny bit worried that a friend or family member might think you're a bit of a nob for doing it? Not trying to be rude but I really think you should reconsider the £50 part so you don't offend anyone.

You say the lemmings thing but actually someone who would have planned on spending say £30 probably would feel obliged to up it to £50 and have cut back a bit for that month just because they didn't want to look stingy.

God your future hubby is such a lucky man !

Ps : so about to throw the troll word around !

Good for you, I look forward to seeing the pictures. I have to say, if I was a guest at your wedding, I'd probably buy you a toaster. I hope for your sake you don't have 40 or 50 people all thinking the same