Hotel vs Church

Hi,

If neither you or your fiance are religious, then I think a civil ceremony would suit you better. After all, you want to mean all the words you say during your vows.

Ali x

Hiya

Firstly, congratulations :-)

We were in a similar position, my parents would have liked me to get married in a church but neither of us are religious. We made our decision to get married in a hotel purley out of convenience. The ceremony, wedding breakfast and reception is all under one roof and the venue is just what we wanted. After finding the gorgeous hotel, it seemed stupid to pay for transport etc to get married in a church, when it didn't really mean that much to us. It is now going to be great waking up on the hotel, getting ready and walking downstairs to get married :-)

If your unsure, have a chat with your local church and look at a few other venues and see what you think then. Church's do make for lovely photos xx

Neither me nor my partner are religious, therefore we chose a civil ceremony. Promising to honour him as I honour God would have been utterly meaningless. I prefer our marriage to reflect our values and beliefs.

Churches are for religious people. If I were religious and I saw a procession of non-believers using my church "for pretty photos", I'd be furious.

Non-religious people using churches for weddings make a mockery of the beliefs (or lack of) of both parties.

Congratulations!

Nether me nor my partner are overly religiouse but we decided straight away to have his local church. This is purley because he had always wanted his grandparents and siblings at his wedding and its where his grandparents and brother are buried. Don't pick your ceremoney location to please everyone else, pick it somewhere you both want its your day not theirs.

xx

Well said, FTLOMB :0) ill be honest, we originally chose a hotel which was quite small so would have been just for us and all our travelling guests(they arecquite numerous) for the weekend. It was a superb package, the staff, food, rooms -everything- was lovely and a great deal too. OH has been married before (civil wedding), and I assumed he'd want another civil ceremony. He didn't really, he was just happy to go along with my planning. Anyway, he fessed up that he always saw us marrying in church, and, while neither of us Are devout or regular churchgoing, we are Christians and both felt its what we wanted. Having discussed it with the vicar, and his acceptance if us, I burst into tears. I knew it was a special place for me in particular, but hadn't realised up until that point how much it actually meant to me to have a religious ceremony.

So, I think if neither of you feel that a religious ceremony is for you, then don't do it. As has been said, you need your vows to be honest and true, and if the church's blessing isn't a necessary factor for you as a couple, you shouldn't go down that route just to please your parents. Xx

I am not relgious but I do believe in God. I am getting married in Church because of the blessing as well as the vows. To me it seems more meaningful. But everyone is an individual and each wedding is meaningful in different ways to the couple. Go with your heart, everyone will respect that and stand firm.

I am not relgious but I do believe in God. I am getting married in Church because of the blessing as well as the vows. To me it seems more meaningful. But everyone is an individual and each wedding is meaningful in different ways to the couple. Go with your heart, everyone will respect that and stand firm.

That's a very interesting take. I would always prefer a special occasion to take place in a lovely setting. Churches are beautiful for many reasons - architecturally, lighting, atmosphere to name but a few.

I think culture and being religious are two very different things so personally I don't think if I was religious I would care if the couple were religious or not.

I was going to write something similar but you did it for me. Exactly this.

Ok that is fair enough but as i've said we are not overly religiouse but we are choosing our church because its where my H2B brother and grandparents are and it allows him to be close to them when we get married which is as close as it gets to them being at the wedding. Would you still be appalled by people getting married at a church for that reason?

I think thats a very valid reason to get married in your local church. No one should be appalled about any choice that makes them happy. Its not the end of the world to get married in Church even if you are not religious.

Indeed. I live in and around Manchester, where there are several stunning Catholic churches, Hindu temples and mosques. How to pick which one makes the best photos.....

I have to say, I come from a very religious type back ground - new born christians. I however do not follow it since I have grown up and left home but would say I believe in God. My partner doesn't and interestingly it was he who originally wanted to get married in a church setting becuase of tradition, I however thought it made a mockery out of it. I don't think it is really appropriate to get married in a religious setting if you don't follow the chuirch in your regular life, which neither of us do. If you don;t go to church each sunday or at least occasionally I don;t understand what your connection to the faith or building would be? The civil ceremony would mean much more to us. Having said that my parents and their friends, suprise suprise were not impressed!

We are having a civil ceremony in a beautiful small and intimate venue which suits us perfeclty and allows us to say vows which mean something to both of us.

Ido not agree with non religious people 'using' the church to get married because it looks pretty or because parents expect it.

I am not religious & would not want to take my vows in a church as they would pertain to a god in whom I dont beleive.

We are getting married in Jamaica & have requested a non religious service.

Go with what you want if you are not religious, its your day

i agree with this. I'm getting married in a catholic church. Both OH and I were raised Catholics and attend the church we are getting married in quite regularly, so it actually means something to us, rather than just looking nice.

I spy a platinum ring company employee

Sod it love, get married in the church if that's what your parents want. It's not like you will be making your vows to a god you don't believe in therefore undermining their meaning or anything.

Neither my H or I are religious so it was a no brainer for us - civil ceremony.

Personally I would have felt hypocritical getting married in a church when neither us are religious,

If you aren't religious at all then I don't think you should get married in a church. However, to put a different spin on things, in a civil ceremony you can't have any aspect of religion at all. Because of this, we decided to get married in a church because we wanted some religious aspects even though we're not church-goers.

Whatever you decide, don't do it because it's what other people want.

Congratulations on your platinum ring.

I would have loved to have gotten married in my local church because it is so beautiful and my family has a history with it but we didn't because neither of us believe in God so it would've been hypocritical and farcical. Certainly not more meaningful. How anyone care swear on a God they don't believe in is beyond me

Totally agree. I am Christian and was devastated when I wasn't allowed to marry in church first time around because I was marrying a divorced man. Yet non Christians have the right to marry in their parish church as long as not Previously married! This time round, even worse, I was the guilty party. My church (where I was on the electoral roll and everything) will not marry divorcees. Nor will my family church. We ended up going to Africa and having a full C of E wedding there just to get the service we wanted without hassle. Knowing that non believers can marry legally with that ceremony as long as they aren't divorced makes a mockery of the whole thing.

Why only consider church or hotel? Why not look at your local mosque or synagogue or Quaker meeting house or register office too? If you have no faith then all these place should be equal in your eyes.

Don't they tend to be a bit, um, unembellished? For the love of God, won't someone think of the photos *wrings hands*

ha ha...well of course. But then there is no competition for the bride is there?

I suppose the first question is are you sure you're not religious...

To clarify. I was never baptised, my parents were definitely not religious, but I ended up a school which was CofE (private) so daily assembly with traditional hymns and prayers. I did look into going to church at school, but never found the right place. OH was baptised and confirmed and went regularly to church until uni, where he stopped. His parents would always have expected a church wedding. I took the view that if it was allowed without being baptised (it is!) I would go along with it as it was what my OH wanted - he never stopped believing, but on one condition - that I would make the effort to go to church as often as possible once the decision was made - as it was only polite to go along.

As it turned out, somewhere in the 18 months between booking the wedding and it taking place, church became more than something I was doing out of politeness, and became important to me - so I got baptised and confirmed the Sunday before the wedding - and the church has become important to me.

So I'll go against the grain of the "religous" people here and say that if you're happy to get to know the place and the people before the wedding - and you're openminded about religion in general - why not plan to get married in church - you might discover something you never knew about yourself!

Having religion and having faith are two different things. I am not sure why the 'non' relgious people are on here are becoming sarastic and angry about peoples choices. I believe in God but not relgious and I am getting married in Church. Plus if someone has a personal connection to the Church then I don't see a problem. Mrs LEXIP go with where your heart is.

Which God do you believe in then?

Don't question my choices please as they are personal. Faith is very personal. Its quite obvious which God I believe in if I am getting married in a Church of England Church!

So you're Christian. Why do you class yourself as "not religious" then?

Because I choose to have God in my life in my own way. I don't pray every day, but sometimes I do. I don't read the bible everyday but sometimes I do. I don't go to church every Sunday, but now and again I will. Religion is a following and is generally governed by rule. God is in my heart! Christianity is a faith not relgion!

I disagree. As does every dictionary. Christianity is an Abrahamic religion based on the life and teachings of Jesus Christ.

Interesting book called "How to be a bad Christian" by Dave Tomlinson that explores the issue of faith and religion. It's worth a read.

Throw your pearls before swine?