How can father of bride give a speech welcoming guests etc. if he hasn't contributed to the wedding?

Quite frankly I think you should be thankful your dad's going to be at your wedding as I'm sure as a lot of people my dad passed away before getting a chance to do any 'dad duties' at my wedding same . So next time you think he should be giving you money towards your wedding think of all the money I personally and other brides including yourself if your dad wasn't here would to give to have him there with you!

My Dad has a good job. He hasn't offered to contribute to the wedding. He will be doing a speech, it hadn't occurred to me that he wouldn't do one....I wouldn't equate the two things?

I'm afraid I have to agree with most of the above.

I don't have the best relationship with my dad.....it's not necessarily a bad relationship, more a distant type. He's a bit of a loner and has been all his life, prefers his own company and it's not unusual for me to go a month or 2 without hearing from him! (It drives me nuts when I can't reach him on the phone, through text and he's not at home when I call round!) Like someone else said, my dad could afford to pay for our wedding at least dozens of times over......he's got assets of almost £1m, "collects" £2 coins (£6500 at last count) which are in old tins....but you'd never tell, he reminds me of the old boy from Steptoe & Son!

BUT.....I know that although the distance, he loves me. He helped raise me and has a good, gentle heart. I don't want or need his money. I'm a sucker for tradition and tradition says that Father of The Bride welcomes the guests at the beginning of the speeches. And I do know he's proud of me! My OH is paying for most of our wedding....he earns 4x more than I do but has never brought this fact up or grudged stumping up the cash for our wedding and indeed our everyday living expenses. We don't keep score, or feel as though we must enter to our married lives "on an even keel".

What I'd suggest is speaking to your dad and either be completely honest with him, or if you can't do that then simply say you and OH would prefer to welcome your guests yourselves. And I do think you and OH should sit down and discuss your finances towards the wedding and establish that it shouldn't be pound for pound as it's very unrealistic.

Sorry if I sound harsh, giving my opinion and sticking to the point....I do genuinely hope you get everything sorted. Try not to worry or stress xxxx

Well said, Mrs BW

Why, oh why, do people always assume that if someone has a 'good' job & is therefore obviously 'well-paid' that they have loads of money to throw around. As another hitcher pointed out, just because your dad has a good job does not mean that he has lots of surplus cash.

Whilst no-one knows the relationship you have with your dad, he is still your dad & you obviously want him there. Or do you? Ask yourself this....if you didnt think he had lots of cash that he 'should be giving to you', would you still want him at your wedding, giving you away & making his 'proud dad' speech?

Other hitchers have also pointed out that some people don't have family around that they would love to have there.

Money should not feature in this decision, at all!

With regards to you not contributing as much to the wedding as your OH. If this makes you feel bad, have a smaller wedding that won't make you feel bad. All you need is a register office, you, your OH & two witnesses, everything else is a 'nice to have'.

You do sound like a spoilt child, i'm sure your not, but you do need to put this into perspective a little & work out what & who is important to you on your special day.

I totally get where you're coming from. I am thinking he will give a nice gift for you and your H2B. I get there are obviously some other issues but I do think in families it goes without saying that people should help with what they can. My mum is making my cake- her gift to me a she can't afford anything else. However what grates with me is that she is expecting me to invite loads of extended family like I can afford to have so many people at my wedding. She also saw some invite wording on the internet where it states about the parents inviting people and now assumes that she can have all her friends there and it is her who chooses..... Well yes if she was paying but she's not I am.

Money is such a tricky subject to tackle. You need to talk to your dad and say that your fiancée will be doing the welcoming speech and then it can go to the father of the bride. I think that is more than fair. You are paying it for yourselves after all. Things are never black and white and weddings bring out the worst in people!

Can't you ask your dad to contribute? Maybe he's waiting for you to ask? My oh family have offered nothing but I am hoping for a nice gift from them as it's my family who is paying for the majority of the wedding.

Oh and my dad won't be making a speech although he's paying for most of the wedding but that is because he is battling cancer and suffered brain injuries. My sister will be doing if instead something we are all excited about.

to hell with tradition! And it's your day and you're paying- do what makes you happy xxx

I will apologise now for offending anyone that I do with this post.

BUT......

If you can't afford to pay for the wedding yourself, wait until you can! Gone are the days when parents are expected to pay. Yes its lovely & very generous of them to offer but it really should not be expected. Neither should expecting gifts! Attending weddings as guests is an expensive thing too so to then buy a gift for the Bride & Groom on top is, (yes, generally the case) but is really exceptionally generous of them.

In defence of the OP, to be honest if my dad could afford it I would be a bit peed off if he didn't offer to pay for something but I think that's because I've always had a good relationship with my dad and it's the type of thing I know he would do if he could, but unfortunately he can't and I understand that. For us, my dad is doing a speech despite not paying for any of the wedding and I don't see a conflict with this at all. He is not exactly going to start his speech by saying 'welcome everyone to this wonderful wedding that I paid for,' and I expect his speech will be more about me and how proud he is and what a lovely husband I have chosen etc.

OP- Maybe you could ask your dad what he plans to cover in his speech and if you think him thanking the guests for being there implies that he is paying and you aren't comfortable with that, maybe ask him not to and that you would prefer you and your OH to do the thanking.

I think I understand where the OP is coming from, only because I do not have a very good relationship with my dad. I think it's really easy to make judgements when you don't know someone's situation and I think if you really get on with your family and have a good relationship (or even an 'ok' relationship) it could be difficult to understand how really awkward it can be for those who don't. It does seem as though this really isn't about money at all, but there are deeper rooted issues here? Sorry if I'm wrong about that, but that's how it comes across to me.

I don't think that money = speech and I also don't think guests will assume your dad has paid for the wedding just because he is making a speech. In this day and age, I would always assumes the bride and groom have paid for a wedding, it wouldn't really cross my mind to think that parents have paid.

Ultimately, it's your wedding, your special day and you should do what makes you and your OH happy!