How did you choose your bridesmaids?

Just wanted to say, you are quite right in thinking carefully about bridesmaids. It is a big decision and you want to get it right. I think one bridesmaid is fine personally, I was for my sister and felt very special to be asked. I do think in your situation though that you clearly want to have a second one, and I think asking this girl would be a lovely gesture to affirm all of your recent happenings with your relationship. I am sure she would be really touched.

Am interested in the replies, I asked my brothers long-term girlfriend to be a bridesmaid and they split up a month later, am fairly certain that it wasn't because of my asking lol!

We have our children at the mo, I am not too sure quite who else to ask, I have ideas, but I just don't know - I want to ask one person, but it will offend another!

So, it looks like you've already made your mind up by listing all these excuses to invite the OH's brother fiancee So if your heart is asking for it, go for it.

But do it consciously of the act there is a baggage between you and the closer the wedding draws, the higher tempers will be and more sensitive you'll get. The question here is if you can handle it for the sake of not finding an outstanding dress to your sister to be the only BM.

Another question is, if she doesn't invite you to be a BM in return, would you be hurt, or you wouldn't mind?

I've started having 4 BMs (sister, a friend from here and 2 from back home) but dropped the whole thing when I realized I would be more stressed having them than not, and that I would expect them to be faffing about around me and drop their lives for the wedding, and the friendship could be ruined if they didn't get interested on it enough. Best thing I've done, as low and behold, as apart from one of them I've asked to organize the hen do, they hardly could give 2 hoots about it nowadays.

^^ Is another reason whey I decided to have none!

Good luck deciding!

I've picked 3 adults BMs: my oldest friend, who i'm still close to, my OH's best man's gf, who is probably my closest friend now and another friend (who I now regret asking).

Only ask someone that you want to be by your side and share the day with. If that your OH's brother's gf then ask her.

I chose my sister and my best friend (who I've been friends with for 20 years since Primary) and two other friends who I'm very close to and who I've been friends with for well over 10 years. It wasn't easy, as there's a couple of other girls I'm also v close to, but I chose the ones I felt would probably enjoy it most too (one close friend of mine doesn't really like wearing dresses, for example, so I've asked her to do a reading instead).

From what you've written, it sounds like asking your fiance's brother's girlfriend would be the right thing to do - it sounds like you're good friends now, plus she has a family connection. If they get married she will end up being your sister in law!

Good luck with your decision.

Hi! I asked my best friend who i have known since i was three so nearly our silver anniversary as friends

I had looked in coast etc for dresses for her but non were wow enough for me. As I am only having the one BM i ordered her a dress from the dridal shop I got my dress in and am really pleased with it and know no guest will be in anything like it :0

If you buy a dress far enough in advance from highstreet no guests will have it as it will be out of the shops by the time your invites issue and they even are thinking of their outfits!

I would say if you arent sure who to have - stick with your sisters and they will look fab

I had my sis and my oldest friend, and also asked H's brother's LT girlfriend. They were living together at the time and she left her job to move with him across the country. Plus she was a lovely person and we wanted her to feel part of the family. Fast forward 2 months and she left him. He's devastated and I'm quite upset as we got to be really good friends. So it might be slightly risky asking her. But I guess it's risky asking anyone because you don't know what will happen! And anyway, even though H's brother thinks he ruined our wedding (we are assuring him that it is not the case!!) I know in years to come it won't be so bad. I guess my point is, choose who you want to be there with you on the day. If you follow your gut instincts I don't think you can go wrong.

Firstly it's not weird to have limited close friends, secondly one bm would be fine if you wanted to go for this. Even if a guest is wearing something fairly similar it'll be clear she's in the bridal party because of the bouquet etc.

As for you brothers girlfriend, if you think it's the right thing to do, go for it. But, I would think very carefully before you ask. I read lots of posts on here of people whose bms are causing them lots of grief and wouldn't want this to happen to you. It's lovely you're getting on well together but I'd be worried it would put strain on your new friendship and could lead to you falling out again. What about sticking to one bm and giving her another role? Getting her involved in the planning anyway and asking her to do a reading or something or be in charge of something on the day?

I'm not trying to be negative but I've heard of lots of stories of people asking then regretting it

I chose my best friend first and really wanted to ask another as well - I'm actually closer to this person than the other bm actually, which is weird but I just couldn't not have her. They are both "do-ers" so it's good having them on board as I can be a little shy at organising things, etc. But more than anything else they know I'm a worrier and are good for making me think logically. They know each other too and balance each other out well. I'm having my two nieces and nephew too. I don't really have a lot of friends compared to some people but I couldn't be without these two. I'm getting their dresses made and letting them design it themselves, it's their "thank you" gift from me.

This is what I felt, although they have been together 2.5 years and seem to be looking long term I can't be 100% sure they will be together by the time we get married! How awkward would that be?!

Thanks for all the input everyone, I have read all the replies just can't actually reply to them individually! I will take what you all say on board and have a good think.... As for being worried when she gets married, no, I would not be hurt if she did not choose me for her wedding because I know how hard it is to choose anyway. I wouldn't want her to feel pressured to have me as BM just because I had her, it wouldn't be right.

Thank you for your comment I am trying to get her involved so I said she can help plan my hen party and she was really excited about that.

Don't ask an extra person if it's only because you want the dresses to make an impact. You can double the budget per dress if you only have one and you will find loads of suppliers that allow you to match your BM and FG dresses so that they are clearly the bridal party.

My close friends are my 1 best friend who has been there through everything and I speak to on a regular basis but don't see very often, a group of 3 good friends who I have known for a long time and see more often than anyone else but don't share as much with, and my old uni friend who basically helped me survive uni by feeding me and getting me to where I needed to be on time, haha.

When it came to choosing bridesmaid I knew I was only going to be having a small affair and really didn't want a big fuss so one bridesmaid made sense. I called my best friend and announced my engagement (she already knew, she helped him plan it) and her first words were "I am your bridesmaid aren't I!?" (cheeky cow!) but she was right. I didn't feel the need to add another just for show. Besides, I wouldn't have been able to choose between the group of 3 - they come as a unit, and I know my uni friend would have just felt weird about it.

Think of it as who you want be there with you and share that special moment of walking down the aisle with you. I have 3 sisters but only the sister I am closest to is one of my bridesmaids, the other 2 are friends that I grew up with. I never gave myself a number to fill, I just went with my heart and chose the people who I wanted to be there with me.

I don't have loads of friends and if I would have asked one it would have offended a couple of others,
I've chose my brothers wife as we get on really well and she's more like a sister to me than an in law really

If I were you I'd stick with just your sister and spend what you would have spent on someone else's dress on hers.

My sister was pleasantly surprised when I asked her and only her to be my bridesmaid, not my best friend, it's a really small wedding and it means I can get her a really great dress, as I'm not trying to split the budget between lots of people, and nicer flowers etc. Unfortunately she works at sea, so can't help to plan anything, and her dress fitting will be in a panic the week before the wedding - but my baby sister will be stood up there with me on my happiest day, she was the obvious choice and 1 BM is enough - they are traditionally their to look after the train, my dress reaches just below my knees, more than 1 BM, and they wouldn't have any jobs to do!

Just a quick update, I decided to jurist have my sisters we went bridesmaid shopping today and found two dresses for flower girl and bridesmaid and they match beautifully and will be in the same colours, sorted! We also felt we want to keep it as it is purely to save money really! Just spent £300 on two dresses, can't afford another!

Glad you got it sorted Hoddy
Sounds lovely bet they were delighted too!