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Aleysha
Beginner April 2022 Bedfordshire

How do i ask my friends to plan my hen do?!

Aleysha, 3 of August of 2021 at 17:37 Posted on Planning 0 7

I get married in April 2022 and I've just had a sudden realisation that hen do planning should commence soon.

I only have 1 bridesmaid who is my sister, 3 years younger who I am very close too. She has high functioning autism and anxiety, she does not deal well in social situations, especially drinking outside our family or her circle of friends. I have excused her from the hen do as I would never want her to feel uncomfortable and we are planning on doing something just the 2 of us.

Now here is my dilemma, I have a group of 6-9 close female friends I have had since school and I see them as my unofficial bridesmaids. I couldn't afford to have them all as bridesmaids but couldn't pick just a few. They were all totally cool with that and just happy for us. This group would be the bulk of my hen do (maybe a few extras on top but no family invited) and i would like them to plan my hen do.

Does anyone who has been in a similar position have any advice? Do I ask them all to plan it? Do I ask the 3 of them who 'get me' the most? And how do I ask them?! We all live around the country but constantly chat on whatsapp.


Any advice much appreciated! I just don't want to disrupt a very harmonious group of friends and I am the first one to get married so everyone is really excited. But everyone has very different tastes and you know- too many cooks!

7 replies

Latest activity by Shannon, 6 of August of 2021 at 17:32
  • Voiceoftruth
    Dedicated October 2021 Oxfordshire
    Voiceoftruth ·
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    I would just ask the one(s) you trust most to organise it. I don’t have any adult bridesmaids, so I said to my mum that she could discuss with my sisters and a couple of others to organise a small get together. I know my mum will temper the ridiculous or embarrassing aspects that I really don’t want! You need someone who you can trust to make an event that you will enjoy.

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  • Aleysha
    Beginner April 2022 Bedfordshire
    Aleysha ·
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    Thank you for your advice. That is probably the most sensible idea!
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  • W
    Beginner July 2022 Surrey
    Wedfest ·
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    Another idea to not make other friends feel left out etc you could create a little list of jobs and say to them all in a WhatsApp group that you'd love their support helping with the wedding and wonder if any of them would be open to helping with any of the below jobs. Ex:

    - plan hen do

    - help with making decorations

    - help the photographer get key list of photos shot on the day

    - make a speech / a reading

    etc

    Say it would be helpful for one or two people to 'own' each job so that it's not too many cooks like you explained. Think people are just excited to help in any way they can and to feel involved in some way!

    Good luck Smiley laugh

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  • Emma
    Rockstar August 2021 Wiltshire
    Emma ·
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    I don’t have any adult bridesmaids so I asked my cousin as she loves planning things, I’ve never seen anyone get so excited planning and event 😂
    I would ask the friends who you think would enjoy it and also do the best job (as in have them most time etc as it’s actually quite hard work) I’m sure all of your friends wouldn’t mind as long as they all get an invite ❤️
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  • Aleysha
    Beginner April 2022 Bedfordshire
    Aleysha ·
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    That's such a lovely idea! I never thought of that. Thank you x
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  • Aleysha
    Beginner April 2022 Bedfordshire
    Aleysha ·
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    Thank you for the advice x
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  • Shannon
    Dedicated August 2022 Vale Of Glamorgan
    Shannon ·
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    I would definitely go with the idea above with allocating them certain jobs. I think that is such a good idea, it gets them involved as your unofficial bridesmaids but you also add in the job of planning your hen-do. Just tell them you want them to be involved and to work out whos having what jobs between them x

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