How do i tell my mum she isn’t invited?

Do you think she will expect to be there? And how is she likely to react if she is told you don't want her there - would she accept it or just be more determined than ever to turn up?

Also, how likely is she to find out about your wedding date if you only text at birthdays and Christmas? Is she in more regular touch with other family members who might tell her?

If you are sure that you don't want her to attend, then I would try to avoid her finding out until after the wedding if that is feasible. Bear in mind that a) if you have a church wedding, you won't be able to prevent her turning up, since legally, church weddings must be open to all and b) even if you have a civil ceremony, she could still turn up at the venue. So if you suspect she might turn up even if you don't want her to, you definitely need to keep it quiet.

View quoted message To be fair, there isn’t really anyone who would tell her. I’m not close with her side of the family and there’s only my dad who would possibly let the cat out of the bag.


She probably wouldn’t expect to be there either. We haven’t been close since she left 25 years ago, so I don’t think she’ll suddenly expect things to change. I would just like to be prepared with something to say should she find out or ask where’s her invite. I’m probably over thinking it.
It’s unlikely she’d just turn up. She lives about 20 miles away from me and would genuinely not fork out the bus fare to make the effort of causing a scene.
I intend to keep my gob shut as long as I can and maybe break it to her next Christmas, which is 2 days before the wedding 😂
Thank you for letting me rant!

If she does raise the question, I would point out that you only want people with whom you have a lot of contact currently to attend your wedding. If she hasn't been a part of your life for the past 25 years, she hardly comes in to that category!

If she was the one who left and your dad is attending the wedding and might be upset if she was present, then I think it's also ok to tell her that you don't want anyone present who might upset the parent who has been involved in your life. I know of at least three weddings this year where a child has excluded the parent who walked out of the parental marriage, because they don't want their wedding day spoiled by painful memories or to have the parent who stayed find it difficult to cope. It's a tough decision to make, but at the end of the day, it's the parent's own actions which have caused their child's decision.

Best wishes - hopefully, you are just overthinking and your mother will accept that she has no right to attend.