How do *you* deal with telling people they're not invited?

I couldn't blame it on having a small wedding either as we had 140 guests but with me the truth was that we both have massive families so they took up a lot of the capacity.

Are you a Sept 7th bride?? Me too if you aren't, my counting skills are terrible

We are having only 30 people who are family and close friends, no work colleagues etc so we are just going with the 'its a small family wedding' I know you are having a few more than us but could you not just say that it is just a few friends and family (they don't need to know that yours and their definition differ so much )

But I did quite like your comment to the person trying to invite themselves, it is very non-committal

We're in a slightly different situation, getting married abroad with only 70 guests but plan on throwing a big party when we get back and most people are fine with that, a few - not so much. When we've said where we're getting married, some people have said "Oh that's nice and will you be doing something for everyone when you get back?".

But the amount of people that ask if they're coming or presume they're coming is unreal, it's so rude.

Unless I was family, I would never assume I'd be invited to a wedding and in fact my cousin got married in August and we were only invited to the evening.

It's an intimate time, no matter how big your wedding might be. 70 people might seem a lot but the way we're getting around it is saying that anyone who is coming are our parents, close close close friends and our Godparents and their children. I don't know what it is about weddings that makes people so funny, maybe they just want to be voyeurs.

Admittedly, when people have asked I've done the same as you but said "we're still sorting out our guest lists at the mo"

Nightmares!

Over Christmas I have had a number of people say to me 'I can't wait for your wedding' and I'm thinking... Why? You're not invited!!! So I've laughingly brushed them off and added their names to the evening do. There's no way these people are coming to my day do at £100 per head as we really don't know them well enough but as I see it the evening do is more the merrier!

I agree with the above and have done the same....Although some cousins have said "oooo can't wait" on facebook and i've just ignored them...I only see them once a year if that so my wedding isnt turning into the annual get together!!

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Sadly, I don't have the option of an evening only invitation, because we're having ours abroad - many of our friends live in Europe anyway, and most of the rest spend half the year here so it's not a traditional "location" wedding, but still it would be very odd to ask people to travel to only invite them to a portion of it. We're also doing a whole weekend so the catering costs mount up for each person that attends!
Most important, though, is that we only want the people there who are closest to us, not just every Tom, Dick and Harry that we know.
There's unfortunately no way of keeping the scale from them, because everyone pretty much knows everyone over here!

And, yes, September 7th. I can't wait! Have you joined the Hitched on Facebook group for 2013 brides, Snc12??

Fx

I have indeed joined the FB group but only on Monday. I think I am addicted x

"I'm sorry, but if you think I'm the kind of person who is going to respond well to that question, then you clearly don't know me well enough to warrant an invitation to my wedding".

I didn't have any trouble with this issue whatsoever. However, I'd like to imagine ^^^^

Id say ''sorry your not invited, I cant invite eveyone, what do do you think im made of money'' id laugh then change the subject. Done. Without being rude....even though trying to invite yourself is very rude!

I LOVE this!!! ?

Just wish I was brave enough!

There's two guys in particular who assume they are getting invitations. They're not because they're cocks. One repeatedly cheats on his girlfriend (actually, his bit on the side asked if she was invited with him!!!!!!) and the other is just a general all-round twunt. I am seriously considering creating "invitations" for them, but instead of the details being inside, I'd have an explanation of all the reasons why they're not invited. Oh, if only I could grow a pair!

Oooh. I've been saying 120 is a small wedding ? For the day time its been really simple, as that bit is small at just 58 the ceremony, I'm just saying its primarily family thats invited. For the evening, I've been saying along the lines that our family take up about the half the number we're allowed, so splitting the rest between both of our friends has been really hard so we've been really struggling. We would have loved you to come, but we just havent been able too with a lot of other people too, so you're not the only one. I've only had a few people from different work departments asking, but keeping in mind i'm not asking most of the people I work with daily, they havent really had any where to go with that.

I have absolutely no balls. I just pretend I don't hear them/ change the question then I'm hoping I won't see them after I've sent the invites out...... Really hope this works.....!

We're looking at a guest list of 180 day time and we still have no shortage of guests. Other half has mates that we haven't seen in 3 years that he wants to come but I don't want to say anything because I went to their weddings and because there are plenty of people I'm inviting that he isn't fussed on. There are plenty of people I see regularly or who invited me to their wedding that I'm not inviting. There has been no shortage of people who have assumed they are coming making for some awkwardness. My mum and I have fallen out about my uncle, who I have no relationship being invited. She has friends that I haven't seen in ages that said to her to let them know when we confirm the date and they'll put it in they're diary . She is prepared to back me up on that though.

This made me laugh. I had this from work colleagues. i find things like that really awkward, so first I pretended not to hear it from the lady at work who asked loudly in the office "are you inviting US then". But she repeated it. I squeaked out something nonsensical. I then made a point a few days later (when i thought of something to say) along the lines of we had a restricted guest list, when we really had about 125. By the time they realise you had a big wedding, it's too late.

My awkwardness arose from the fact that I was inviting half the office, but the people I socialised with outside of the office, but just ploughed ahead.

I wouldn't have been blunt as needed to work with this lady and would have been a headache if not handled fairly delicately.

I don't think she spoke to me for about 2 weeks after my honeymoon!

Wow!!!

How about your venue is at it's maximum capacity?

I am dreading this when it inevitably happens, its been hard enough figuring out the guest list as it is!! Plus i hate any kind of confrontation or awkwardness.... maybe I'll just let H2B explain ?!!

our issue is our local pub is very much a 'local' pub where we are all close and they are the majority of our friend base and there are a few couples we would invite but would not want there 19/20 year old children there as they are renowned nightmares. they assume whereever their parents are invited they are automatically invited aswell. So how do we invite the parents but not them?! plus we cant invite the rest of the pub but omit that couple. Logistigcal nightmare!!!!

I can't believe some people- I wouldn't dream of asking if I was invited to a wedding! I'd just wait for the invite! We've had this- from a cousin of my Mum's I don't know that well at a family do. I would never thought of inviting her, but will just invite her to the evening. I also just think 'the more the merrier' in terms of the evening. I appreciate you can't do that though logistically. I think the suggestion of 'unfortunately, the venue is at maximum capacity' is a good one! Then it's like the decision was out of your hands!

Bizarrely, we're having kind of the opposite problem!!

My mum has 2 close friends, one of whom I love to bits, the other I've never really taken to and tbh have hardly even seen in the last 10 years. I've invited the "nice" one to the whole day, the other one will get an eve invite when I get round to sending them, just to be polite really.
She's assumed she's not been invited which is fine, but the trouble is she also assumes that the "nice" one also isn't invited, and keeps saying stuff like "we could go and watch them coming out of the church couldn't we?" which is putting my mum & the nice friend in a really awkward position!! I feel a bit guilty tbh! [:-/]

This is my current stress out too - people asking to be invited and/or trying to invite additional numbers. In my opinion this is the absolute height of rudeness and if it were me I wouldn't dream of doing it.

Yesterday some distant relatives of my OH (who only just made the guestlist themsleves due to family politics!) asked if their daughter was invited (aged 18). Firstly, it's rude to ask this, end of; secondly, her name wasn't on the invite so obviously she's not invited; thirdly, she's 18 and at that age can surely be trusted home alone for a few hours; and fourthly, AAAARGH!

Unfortunately, they asked via my OH's Mum, putting him in a very awkward position. If it were me I'd still have said no - would've waffled on about numbers, venue capacity etc...but I undertsnad the position he was put in and so now she's coming too. For what is essentially a free party for her funded by 2 strangers (my OH hasn't seen her since she was a toddler).

Raging!

I've been quite lucky in the fact that friends who live close have made it clear they understand if they are only invited to the evening, things is I want them all there!!! Our day numbers have crept up above the amount we wanted to pay for and so we have had to be a bit harsh with our list. This means I have invited a few cousins but by no means all of them. One such cousin is the only person who has challenged me....... She had previously (at a bbq I could not go to) when saying goodbye to my 'mum's' cousins (not invited to wedding) See you at J's wedding next year!!!!! My mum heard this and in the next breath she said to my mum ooops they probably wont be invited will they?!! My mum was thinking nor are you!! But said nothing. I has steered clear of saying anything about my weeding on FB but in the end thought sod it why shouldn't I this resulted in said cousin facebooking me a private message which said " If I was invited to your wedding when should I expect to receive my invitation?". I very carefully replied with 'due to the size of both our families and restrictions from our chosen venue we are unable to invite everyone who we would like to be at the day so it may just be an evening invite i'm afraid. She responded with 'oh, ok thanks' She hasn't spoken of this again. She has been the only person who has asked. I'm glad I don't like upsetting people but at the end of the day I have friends who are only coming to the evening coz of space and i'd rather they be at the day than a cousin who i hardly see. I have just reassured myself with the fact that they all live away so I don't have to see them or hear their moans.

I guess after that ramble my answer is.....I wimped out! lol

x

Agree, finding this annoying!

I had a student nurse who has been working on my ward for 6 weeks say "ooh K, make sure i get an invite!" Erm! I just laughed and said "i havn't decided on anyone yet!" so i wimped out! Early days yet though.....

Have also had a few friends assuming they will be my BMs without me uttering a word about it.

Im early days yet, we wrote a draft "family tree" type thing to work out numbers, and we got 64+14 kids (Our close friends included) Our caterer is booked for 80 so thats our lot. Anyone who asks will be told they can come if they are paying for it. Although, I will probs be nicer and say "sorry we've reached our max numbers and cant afford anymore" The annoying part is plus 1's!! Where do I draw the line with this!? Obv, people who are a "family" unit, but my cousin will have been with his GF for 4 years by then, but il have met her once! Does she get an invite? Arggh!! lol. Think Im putting everyones name in a hat! x

I said basically exactly what you said 'you will have to wait & see when i send the invites out'

Some people just expect a plus one as well & this ends up in a debate. A young (age 21) relative text me asking if he could have a plus one on his invite before i had even sent the invites out! I said wait & see. Afterwards i decided to not give him a plus one as his 'new' girlfriend i had never met & they may not even be together when i get married in 9 months time. I put on the invite he could have a plus one to the evening reception only. I Sent the invites out 2 weeks ago & havnt had an RSVP yet so i don't know what the reaction was.

Invite who you want - its your wedding not theirs!

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