How to deal with wedding-envy?

Who decides what is a 'good' wedding and what is not? I've been to some super-cheap budget ones that were awesome and some super-expensive glitzy ones that I couldn't wait to leave. Thinking back over all the weddings I've been to, what stands out are the things that don't cost money - the love that the couple have for each other, the joy of celebrating with them, the funny little things that go wrong and make everyone laugh, the touching moments that make everyone cry... You honestly don't have to spend a huge amount of money to have the most amazing time - as long as your guests have enough to eat and aren't physically uncomfortable, what matters is the people.

Which brings me on to my second point - if your wedding is going to be constantly compared unfavourably with your cousin's one, then you seriously need to get yourself a new friendship circle. When you talk about 'your' family being more excited over your cousin's wedding than your own, what 'family' are we talking about? If these are people who are equally related to you both, then fair enough - maybe they feel closer to the other cousin than to you. And if it's her siblings/parents then even more understandable. But if it's your own immediate family who are more excited - parents and siblings - then that sounds really toxic. I'm not saying cut yourself off from them, but what I am saying is that I think you need to spend more time with people who value you for who you are, not for the money you have or the big show you put on. Find people who value you for what really matters and put the majority of your time and energy into those relationships.

As for people needing time to 'recover financially' from your cousin's wedding and so not being able to attend yours, that is rubbish - they have two years to save up for any travel and accommodation costs, and it is going to be no more or less expensive if the weddings were two, three or four months apart. When I was in my 20s, I would go to a wedding every couple of weeks in the summertime, and the only time I missed a wedding was when it landed on the same day as another one. It's not as if everyone is going to find out the week before that they have a wedding to go to - they have plenty of time to budget. Plus, apart from family, presumably most of your friends will be different, so not going to both weddings anyway.

View quoted message You bring up very good points - thank you. To clarify, the family I meant was aunties (excluding Cousins mum because naturally she would be more excited for Cousins) and other cousins connected to both of us. But you're right, if they can't manage both in the next 2 years it's clear where they stand.


We have completely different friendship groups so, you're right again, I need to focus on their excitement moreso. Since they genuinely are excited for me/fiancé. It's a much more intimate setting, only 50 people. I would have less but venue says 50 minimum....just hope they accept or I lose the venue 😆
Thank you for your comment, think it got the best of me emotionally last night when I wrote this. Thanks 😊

Hi Stephanie! Won’t be as good? Why? She has a few more flowers than you? Location? No!! Good is the atmosphere! My friends wedding was in a little community hall I remember the fun we had and the speeches! The tables were just normal school lunch tables if I remember correctly! Sausage and chip butties and a good old cry at the speeches! It was the best day!

People will always comment on your wedding. Let it go over your head. My work colleague said today oh you’re not having a 3 course meal! Everyone will be starving! Ok, if that’s what you think! She didn’t mean it nasty! Everyone has their own thoughts about what a wedding day will look like and make comments when it doesn’t look like there’s! Our amazing friends were getting married a few weeks before us but had to postpone which I’m very sad about but they’re a big posh hotel with a 3 course meal, rooms at £750 on a minimum 2 night stay and ours is a church and a tipi still all glammed up but with festival food and if you want to stay put your tent up!!! Both amazing and both so different!
If they do start comparing just say if that’s how you feel I can fill your seat no problem, that’ll soon get them thinking! And no, finances are different at the moment with rising costs but they have 2 years to save. My friends are actually putting away £20 a month! They don’t even need that as our drinks are cheap and the food is Ofcourse free but they knew the strain and that’s what they’re doing so they don’t miss it! Our friends wedding that’s been postponed my fiancé is saving for it now as the stag is well way more expensive than I would ever pay but he wants to be there!
I can’t say I’ve had wedding envy but I did get annoyed at a bride who asked about what food we were having (I know it’s a business but our venue has never had it before) and I just said casually who it was and then they booked their wedding there and are using the same food people as us, Before us, hahah and that made me realize don’t share your ideas!!! So maybe that’s the advice I would give!
Try and shake this off, your wedding is still so special no matter where, how much, how many people etc!!!! Remember it’s one day we’re planning for and we want it to be perfect but the main thing is your marrying your fiancé for all the right reasons! Not those other people. Enjoy! ❤️

View quoted message Thank you, I'll definitely start telling myself to see things this way! That different doesn't mean worse, and that cheap doesn't mean bad. A mantra for the next 2 years 😆 thank you for your words 😊

View quoted message Call it value for money!!! And you spend what you want on your wedding BUT I would rather do it cheaper and nice than spend unnecessary money! You enjoy and everyone is always here!

View quoted message This is a perfect answer and covers everything that I wanted to say! "People will always comment on your wedding" is such a true phrase.

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Yep! We got criticised at the same time by different people for having a wedding that was too fancy and one that was not fancy enough! Critics will always find something to criticise. Friends will support you whether you have a 3-day reception in a palace for 1,000 people or just go for a burger with your OH after the ceremony.

View quoted message This is a perfect answer too! I'm trying not to get caught up with other people's opinions as they'll have them regardless 😀

We got married recently with just 2 witnesses and nipped to the pub afterwards for a celebratory drink then home to a takeaway pizza.
The same week some friends of ours also got married a big 'do' in a hotel and the whole works.
We're oldies and they're in their 20s.Both of us couples are equally married and by contrast we each had the perfect day respectively. It's not just about the wedding. It's your commitment to each other and the future. Make it your day, your way. All the best Xx