How to "Drop" a Bridesmaid - Advice

Well does she still assume she is your bridesmaid?

If my friend had turned round to me and said id rathyer stop trying with each other..i would assume she didnt want me as a bridesmaid any more.

See I dunno , I would like to assume she has come to the conclusion but then I think what if she thinks it will all be forgiven (like I have so many times in the past) and we have the awquard "oh I thought you knew!" thing months later when our parents are having a get together.

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If you feel this strongly and this is definitely what you want then just get it over and done with in a text. She can't be ar$ed to make the effort with you so I wouldn't think twice!

Having already had a conversation about about not really being best mates anymore but staying friends for the sake of families, I'd be suprised if she thinks she is still a bridesmaid... is she even still invited to the wedding?!

Had you already bought her dress etc? If so perhaps thats a lead in. Say to her now that you're not a bridesmaid anymore I just wanted to give you the chance to buy the dress off me, if you don't want it I'll be selling it on ebay...

Hmmm.

when u next text (on your tuesday 3 text convo) you could say "yea im ok. wedding plans coming along nicely..sold the bridesmaids dress on ebay so thats that sorted.how are things with you?" if you have the dress

OR

"yea im ok. wedding plans coming along nicely... just sorting *insert name of new bridemsaid/flower/girl * dress. how are things with you?" if there is someone else

OR

"Yea im ok. been busy planning the wedding.i'm not having a bridesmaid now so thats saved me a few bob. how are things with you?"

I would just make something up like 'We don't have enough in our budget anymore to have you as a bridesmaid as well because the registrar was more expensive than we expected." That way you don't have any awkwardness... ?

Don't play games. Don't do it by text or wait for her to come round (you might be waiting a long time by the sound of it). Phone her up and tell her truth. Your friendship has changed and you no longer want her to be your bridesmaid. Not easy but no point in messing around either.

WSS, exactly!

How would she be playing a game if she sent a text?

No, I was making two seperate points. Playing a game would be making up a phoney excuse. Texting is just not appropriate for this, IMO.

That's your opinion but I totally disagree, said friend has no disregard for the OP clearly, why bother with an uncomfortable phone call, it's already been established that they are no longer "friends", the text is to simply clarify! I wouldn't waste my minutes to be quite frank.

I have her on my day list with her mum and dad, (no plus 1 for her cos im pretty sure she'd bring the girl who she has been a cow to me with her and I dont fancy paying £75.00 for her to join!)

Havnt got the dresses yet not, I will be replacing her with a friend of my sisters (who im closer to than anyone else) bit pi$$ed off at myself getting into this situation of not making any other friends cos it was always me and her so im left like a T*t with no mates were as she has "kept her options open" so to speak so has them fallin all over her. ☹️

As you can probably tell this has all really really upset me, im trying to keep things nice with her for the sake of her parents and mine they are not only friends but I love her parents dearly! and can tell they are very hurt by us not speaking anymore (but have a feelin they know its down to her) Her dad is also my hairsdresser for the wedding and he filled up when I asked him to do it so wouldnt want to take that away from him or tbh have anyone else do it.

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Lola I have just realised you are from Middlesbrough, so am I! Where are you getting married?

You still have so much time, you dont need to rush to replace her, just get this sorted and relax a little. I didnt start looking at bridesmaid dresses until 4 months before we got married.

Ohhh helloo!!!

St Peter & Pauls Church in Stainton and then Gusibrough Hall what about you ??

Whens your big day ?

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Doh just realised your an OM !! lol ignore me being a div

Where DID you get married ! lol

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Oh lovely. I got married at St Mary's in Acklam and we had our reception at Crathorne Hall in Yarm. We got married 24th July last year. Sorry for being nosey but where in Middlesbrough do you live? It's such a small place I bet we know the same people!

"You still have so much time, you dont need to rush to replace her, just get this sorted and relax a little. I didnt start looking at bridesmaid dresses until 4 months before we got married. "

See i'd love to however my MOH (my sis) is sooo excited and wants to start looking soon! Plus we have a dress in mind and ive been given the heads up that its going in the sale in the summer lol I do love a bargin!

Think im going to wait till she texts me back and then as nice as I can mention the BM dresses and hope she gets this hint. I dont particularly want to give her this consideration but for the sake of her parents I may just try ... humm this could get sticky!

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Haa haa hope you dont know the ex-bm in question that could be terrible after the roasting ive given her on more than one occasion on here ! hee hee

god dont know where to start!

atm i live in Berwick Hills, but before that Liverpool before that manchester before that Inglbey then before that Acklam and before that berwick hills again lol!

hee hee

Where you from ? Ohh I love Crathorne! St Mary's is that the one at the oval?

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Well we wont name names just to be safe then! By god, you've lived all over! I'm from Acklam orginially but moved down to the Midlands about 6 years ago. No it's not that one, you know the Master Cooper Pub on Ackalm Road, it's just down from that, you can get to it from Green Lane also.

One more nosey question, feel free to tell me to mind ny business but how old are you?

Ohh out the back of the college! (well old college) ohh thats a loveeerryyy church! I studied animal care litterly next to that church!

haa haa what school you go to then ? I was at Davids

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That's the one. I know loads of people that went to Davids! In fact my cousins went there. I went to Coulby Newham it's Kings Academy now.

You know what your totally right I just need to get it over and done with and be direct!

Going to text now, no more excuses!

Wish me luck!!

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Bleeding small world isnt it !

Ohh my sister had a ex that went there horrible excuse for a human being ! lol

wont say his name on the thread but if we ever arrange a BORO Hitched meet up (as im sure theres more smoggies lurking on here) I will tell you over a few wines

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To be honest I've been using Hitched for over a year and a half now and I only know of one other girl that is from Middlesbrough, we are few and far between hence my excitement when I seen you were a fellow smoggie!

I would probably ring or text her and tell her that you need to speak to her ASAP, if you get no response i would probably explain that you have made attempts to try and meet up but as she is too busy etc and then just tell her how you feel. I think she is probably aware after your discussion that things aren’t right between you and may have already assumed that she is no longer your bridesmaid - has she mentioned anything about it at all? I think you need to speak to her sooner rather than later though just to take the pressure off you and then you can move on with your planning

I've got a similar problem- I’ve not fallen out with my bridesmaid - she’s pregnant and im over the moon for her. However she is due 2 weeks before we marry, i have told her that I think that I think she’s going to struggle to make the day and although i would love her to be there her and her babies health is more important. But all I keep getting back from her is that we will see nearer the time ARGHHHHHH

Had a similar situation. Since school it was always me and 3 girls, one of those girls started going out with my step brother and really changed, she became very rude, self centred and generally 'up herself' and then I found out she was cheating on him (a friend saw her with someone else), she broke up with him(they were together 3 years), I didn't confront her about it right then but did later on after she got shitty with me about something else, she didn't acknowledge what I said and we didn't speak very often after that, obviously my loyalties have to lie with family. When choosing my bridesmaids i didn't want her because not only would it be awkward for my brother and his new partner, I didn't particularly like her anymore and my OH and rest of my family despise her because she's so rude and disrespectful. I thought it would be obvious that I wouldn't have her as a bridesmaid and didn't tell her but one of my other BMs mentioned the wedding and that they were a BM and she got really sh*tty with me and sent me a very long sh*tty email saying that she no longer wanted to be friends. . . . my other BMs are very jealous that I no longer have to put up with her anymore!

I would make it clear that she isn't a bridesmaid though, don't think you need to explain why as that may cause more friction, it's up to you how you want to do that, you'll be the best at gauging what is the best form of communication.

J

Done!!

Heres what I put....

Hi ****, didn't wanna do this over text but I know your really busy at the min so save you moving things around. I would imagine that you have already come to this conclusion but after everything that's gone on between us I'd rarther you wernt my bridesmaid anymore. Your obviously still invited as I still love the bones of you but things arnt the same between us and I don't think they ever will be. I can't forgive and forget the way you have been with me since you got back and some of the things you've done, I know your sorry but I just don't want an atmosphere on mine and ***'* wedding day. Hope you can understand. X

Ouch! Cant blame you for not wanting her Jenfafa!

Ive sent the text now so hopefully thats it all done and dusted ! Heres hoping anyway !

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Hi there, Sorry you ve had this too. My best mate has spent the last year doing the same to me. Luckily I havent asked her to be BM. But she was assuming I think. However after her behaviour and attitude towards me since starting uni, I think shes realised she s not even on the invites list now.

I would just say, Look, Ive valued you and your families friendship but I dont think we are as close anymore and I think it would be best after recent events if you came as a guest,(if she really has too!) with your parents. I want my closest friends to help me on the day. All the best. Something like that, so its not being spiteful, its polite and her parents still get to be involved at least. Hope it goes ok.

Yeah I have text her a few weeks ago and again today and I just keep getting shes too busy, so hence the well balls to you then feeling!

See my sisters had cancer and it keeps coming back and it looks like if her next result isnt clear she will have to start tryin for a baby now or risk not having one. So in a few months I might be in the same boat!! So I feel your pain on that front, I said to her "hey if you need to have a baby then frig my wedding its more important!" jokingly followed but if your having the first granchild dont dare get engaged till after my wedding or if you do at least dont start trying dresses on ect at my final fitting ! haa haa

responce was "dont be selfish! I might get engaed and then ill do what the hell I like! "

haa haa nice !

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