How to remember loved ones at a wedding

I think the flower on the chair is a beautiful idea. Very touching. x

I lost my grandad in may, I was very close to him, my venue has a large fireplace with a mantelpiece so I'm going to place photos of him, my granny and my other grandparents who are to elderly to travel, of their wedding days in frames on there. I think OH will do the same. I felt this way he could still watch me get married without it being a big 'thing' that a lot of attention would be drawn to. I think you have some lovely ideas for remembering your parents, it must be very hard for you planning your wedding having lost them both.

Hi there

I have loved ones I want to remember during the ceremony too. At the moment I'm planning on having a sand ceremony. It's usually done to symbolize unity but I'm going to customise it so we also pour some sand in for each of our lost loved ones. I'm hoping the registrar will agree to say their names as we do it.

x

It's sooo lovely to want to include loved ones who cannot be there.

We are having a picture frame with three spaces. y nan & grandad in one, my nan in another & OH's grandad in one too. We've chosen black & white pics of them when they were in their 30's & 40's. Fab pics!

I've also got my dogs collar to go on the top table. It's red & I've put gold ribbon round it.I've got to have my girly with me on the day. (Have a feeling I may cry when I see it there though as I'm welling up about her now...)xxx

At our daughter's wedding, we wanted to remember parents who couldn't be there so my husband wore cufflinks in one sleeve belonging to my Dad and cufflinks belonging his Dad in the other sleeve.

My Mum , who has since passed away, but at the time was in her late 90's and in a care home and couldn't attend so I carried a photo of her in my handbag. Candles are also a nice way of remembering loved ones who can't be there. Although I like the idea of the empty chairs with a single flower, for me, it would be too hearbreaking staring at an empty chair.

I think having an empty chair would emphasise their absence, even though it is a lovely idea.

You could perhaps stick with the flower idea, but maybe have two long thin vases on the table at the front? The kind of vase that just holds one stem. And then get the boys to walk down the aisle and place the flowers in the vases? Or even add them to a display that is already at the front?

I think that sounds lovely, but like Sasha said, I think it depends if you think it would just make you more sad (I know that obviously you aren't going to forget that they are not there with you, but would it make it more poignat and emotional for you?). Do you have your parents' wedding rings? I haven't worked out how I'm going to do this, but I have wedding rings that belonged to both of my grandmothers, and plan to incorporate these somehow, possibly by having them tied into my bouqet somehow. I felt that they'd still be 'there' with me somehow x

So sorry to hear of your situation. I too have lost my Dad, and I can't even think of my Dad not being there on my wedding day and I'm in floods of tears, I'm hoping it's all good prep and therefore on the day I'll be able to hold it together!
I am entering our venue by coming down a staircase, at the bottom of the stairs we're having a table with a photo of my Dad and a candle, I'm lighting the candle before I walk down the aisle. I have also had a locket with my dads photo attached to my bouquet.
I am also having a wee poem on the back page of our Order of Ceremony, I'm aware i don't want my wedding to turn into a memeorial about my Dad but feel it's important to somehow include him. I personally couldn't do the empty chair thing, that would just upset me too much.
Here's the poem,

My little Girl, don't cry for me

I'll be right by your side.

I'd never miss out on this day

that you become a bride.

I'm here with you to hold your hand

and give your heart away

To a man you’ve chose to take care of you

forever from this day.

Today, I place your hand in his

with blessings and with pride.

My little Girl, Don't cry for me

I'm right here by your side.

Good luck in whatever you decide, I hope it isn't too upsetting for you.

Love the flower idea, they will be there in spirit and that way you know there's somewhere for their spirits to sit and watch!

I thought about doing something for those that weren't going to be at our wedding, as I wanted something to remember my grandad on the day. However, we chose not to as we then would have had to do something for H's dad as well which would have upset a few people. but what I was going to do was, Matalan have a photo frame that says "Memories" and you put a photo above each letter, we were going to use this.

i think this is lovely! x

Well on the day i get married its actually the anniversary of my nans dealth so im having her favourite flowers in my bouquet and buttons holes. not sure what else to do with out it being too upsetting x

My Dad passed away 11 years ago and it was hard planning our wedding with out him. I can't imagine how you are feeling.

Mrs HFA, that poem has me in tears at my desk, it is so simple yet beautiful!

I also didn't want to focus on the fact Dad wasn't there so had little touches like a locket on my flowers and a Sinatra song during the ceremony as he was a huge fan!

I recently wrote about my experience of planning our wedding without Dad for the AOW blog. It might help, it might not, I don't actually give any pearls of wisdom, just share my experience! feel free to have a read if you want to-

https://anyotherwoman.com/

That poem is beautiful.

Mrs Bass your piece really got me, beautifully written.

My Pa died two years before our wedding and my H's dad couldn't be there as he has late-stage Alzheimer's disease. We mentioned them by name in the prayers, lit a candle in a side chapel for each of them (out of sight of the congregation, after the signing of the register) and I proposed a toast to "those that aren't here today" in my speech.

My "something blue" was a tiny blue heart pendant my dad gave me when I was a teenager, pinned inside my dress.

Mostly things personal and private...

My Granddad died in the February as we married in the October and my Nan was too ill to travel. We didn't want to upset people - Granddad's sister was attending our wedding, and my Mum, of course by doing anything overly obvious like leaving chairs vacant.

I had a little photograph of Granddad and my Nan's original wedding ring (they were married 60 years, so hopefully a good omen!) attached to my bouquet. My Dad also mentioned in his speech "Those who couldn't be with us today" thereby encompassing my Grandparents, and H's mother & step-father who were in the States.

My dad passed away 4 years ago, was 3 years when we got married.

I bought a photo frame that was 3 hearts and put this poem in 2 sections in the hearts on either side and a picture of my dad in the middle. I placed it on a table to the side of the registrars table and then in the evening it became the table that cards and presents were on. I wanted it there but I didnt want it too in my face, I could never have done the empty chair idea. Like others have said, it is a nice idea but for me that empty chair would have made me cry. My uncle gave me away and in his speech he mentioned my dad and said something along the lines that he was very proud to be giving me away but also very sad that had to do the job because my dad wasn't there to do it instead and then spoke about how like my dad I am.

I was really worried that I would be an emotional wreck the whole day without him there and our happy wedding would become more of a memorial to my dad, which I know he would not have wanted. So the night before (I stayed at the venue) I took my best friend in to the ceremony room to see the poem and photo and we both stood and had a really good cry, I was absolutely sobbing. But I think it helped release some of the emotion and on the day I only cried when my Uncle mentioned my dad in his 'father of the bride' speech.

Everyone is different, you need to do whatever feels right for you.

Oh god, between the poem and your post Mrs Bass I am blubbing like a baby.

I have the following paragraph printed at the back of our OOS below the thank you's. I take no credit for writing it, it was stolen from a fellow hitchers friend but it sums up perfectly what I wanted to say.

On this most special milestone in our lives, we wish to lovingly remember those close to our hearts who are no longer with us. We know they are here with us in spirit. The wonderful memories of the previous times shared with each of them will be cherished forever.

?

I still can't get over how succinctly that paragraph puts it.

I wonder whether the 'empty chair' would actually be too poignant and a little sad, even for those who weren't perhaps especially close to them. I love the fact you have a piece of their jewellery and will have it about you as you wed. That's beautiful. And maybe you can all have a lovely, upbeat toast to them and their marriage in the after-dinner speeches. Maybe a three-cheers for fantastic parents who brought you on your journey to this special, wonderful day.

It's just a personal thing. All families do things differently. I've never been a fan of the 'pint on the bar' even though it's a massive tradition. I don't disrespect it, I just would never do it myself. I like the celebration approach wherever possible.

My grandparents were a huge part of my life growing up, I'll be mentioning them either in my speech or my vows. Their 'words of wisdom' will be shared with all my loved ones that day

I'm sorry, I replied without reading the whole thread.

I just wanted to add there are so many lovely ideas and also to those of you planning your weddings with parents missing either your own or your OH's I hope you have a truely lovely wedding day. I'm not being overly fluffy here, I just saw how hard my friend found it planning after she lost her mum.