How to tell a bridesmaid she isn't maid of honour...help!

Why does she think she is? Why did you choose someone else? ?

She just seems to have it in her head that I will chose her as we are close friends...she has been dropping hints a lot. She is very unreliable and is not my closest friend, I chose my other friend as we are best friends and speak numerous times a day. She has also helped massively with wedding planning so far! I have two other bridesmaids who won't even bat an eye, but I feel like this is going to open a can of worms with this specific bridesmaid ?

Tell her sooner rather than later I think and I don't think there is an easy way other than just being honest with her. The alternative is to have them all as bridesmaids and no MOH. Say they are all equal and you can't chose one over the other.

I haven't got a maid of honour, my four bridesmaids are all equal. They'll just have specific jobs tailored to their skill sets! Do you have to have a maid of honour? X

My bridesmaid are equal too... I dont understand what the difference is ment to be

however I wouldnt say anything... she can assume whatever she wants and will get the hint if shes not asked, if she appoints herself and ask why people arent calling her it just point out 'no one told you you were MOH'

you are assuming this is a big deal but if its not and your reading it wrong sitting her down and explaining she is NOT MOH is rude and patronising

Instead of telling her why not tell the group? So it's not a one on one thing? Do you have them on a group chat? You could maybe say something like "so I've asked What's-Her-Name to be MOH so she's going to be in charge of organising the hen". That way you don't have to single her out. If she asks then you can deal with it but otherwise everyone has been told.

I have 2 big sisters who are 8 and 12 years older then me. My family all grew up together, had the same friends and shard a flat as adults but as I was so much younger I did my own thing and had my own friends.

When I got engaged I asked them and my best friend to be bridesmaids, my oldest sister said that I should have her as my moh or have all 3. I laughed and I wasn't having 3 and that my best friend is moh. It was very light hearted and she was fine.

I think you just need to casually drop it into conversation.

Thank you all for your advice on this!

I think keeping it light hearted is a really good idea, and also I think I'll take the advice to address the group as a whole and just say that I've decided to make my friend MOH. I was thinking of keeping them all equal as bridesmaids, but to be honest, that would be going against what I want really...the friend whil I want to make MOH has really put in a lot off effort in to helping with the wedding. She has organised loads o stuff (including sorting the hen) and none of the other bridemaids have done anything. They are very hard to organise and none particularly reliable, but the one in question just makes excuses for everything, ano never does anything she promises. My MOH really deserves o be just that, and I want to show her how much I appreciate her, without hurting any feelings

I know now her well enough to know that she'll definitely react badly to the news if I handle it incorrectly.

Personally I'd just say nothing... keep referring to her as 'bridesmaid', or even 'chief bridesmaid' if you think it'll soften it... tell your MOH she IS MOH and let your friend work it out for herself- at the end of the day as far as I can tell, it's only a 'title' anyway- they don't get treated any differently, just the MOH ends up with more work!

I'm sure traditionally bridesmaids were those that were unmarried and the MOH was usually and older, married friend or relative or a MUCH older spinster (your maiden aunt for example!).... I don't suppose the friend you want as MOH fits the 'traditional' definition- married and/or much older?! That would save you a lot of hassle- 'well, she is MOH because she is the eldest/is already married and that is what a MOH is traditionally... you are bridesmaid because you're younger/single...'