How to tell future step daughter about the engagement

Just tell her. Even if she's not picked up on the significance of the ring yet then wedding talk will start happening around her. Don't insult the girls intelligence, they pick up far more than you think.

We just told my stepkids. It was really easy. They would have been 5 and 7 at the time. The ex was fine too and trust me if anyone was going to go barshit it would be her.

you have plenty of time to go dress shopping. Don't make it a bigger deal than it is.

What Mini said................the sooner you tell her the sooner you can involve her in the preparations. She may be really chuffed to wear a dress for the big day....I bet not many of her friends have been bridesmaids!

Wouldn't count on it! My sd was a bm for us, her mum and stepdad and also her nan! The way families are now there are plenty of opportunities. When we were planning she said once 'where you a bridesmaid when your mum and dad got married?!' She couldn't believe it that they were actually married before they had me- bless.

I was kind of thinking you may reply to this mini as I read some of the ordeals you have with your situation seem similar to mine. I think we will just do it next time. One of the reasons I didn't want to tell her is she has just stayed overnight last night in over a year and before that it was another few years and I didn't want mum to go mad and stop her from stating when we have just got her to. Time to pull the plaster off methinks.

Umm, shouldn't her father tell Her? Surely this is something he should be doing? I mean, together with you, but he's the parent here.. I think it's awful to just not tell her and hope she twigs it, as that would just make her feel like she wasn't important enough to tell. It should be a big happy announcement! But mainly, it should be her dad telling her that he's really happy and excited to be bringing you into their family. And then you can ask her to be involved in the big day.

Perhaps it is a good thing she didn't notice. I would perhaps order pizza or something and tell her. Include something she likes doing too.

We told my step daughter the next time we saw her. She was really excited. she was 4 when we told her and shes helped me plan every step. We brought wedding magazines together and sat on the floor pointing at all the pretty dresses - shes loved it. I took her with me when I went to try on my dress and the look on her face was amazing. Her jaw actually dropped and got really excited. She gets to dress up all the time but its rare that you get to see an adult size princess style dress

Her mum took it with a pinch of salt. She said congratulations, which OH believed to be genuine, i still doubt it. This is the woman that spent the first year or so of our relationship referring to herself as "Mrs HisName", texting on their wedding anniversary saying "remember today? xx" and asked him to take her out and show her a good time. She had another mans baby during the marriage and shes since married that man so its beyond me why she sends these messages but they've stopped now.

I can understand the fear and not wanting to lose her, and by the sounds of things, the fact you've only had her 1 night in a year the mum doesnt sound like the easiest lady to get along with. At the end of the day, you're not going anywhere, especially now, so it'll all come out in the wash one way or another. Would it help to tell mum the first? As in, pick her up for your weekend and then call and say "we've got engaged and we'll be telling her this weekend, just wanted to let you know" - she might appreciate it

My OH ex has her moments but all in all we get on ok.

Anyway his son was 8 when we met, 11 when we got engaged and will be 13 when we marry. We just told him and once he processes it was very happy! Now he is being best man which I think is fab and is already working on his speech! lol!

Best of luck but I would say get it over with form x-wife point of view...once they know they know.....

Tbh she made a point of coming out to the car to congratulate me and see my ring which I really appreciated.

Personally I say dad should tell her, but you should all be together at the time, seeing as you already have regular family-time.

Don't do the bridesmaid thing unless she asks. Not yet. Let it sink in for her. The important news at the moment is that daddy is getting married. The excitement and other stuff can come later.

And if she's a tomboy maybe she could wear something with trousers or leggings but smart, so as to compromise? I don't think kids should be stuck in things that really aren't 'them' wedding or not

I'm surprised she wasn't the first person you both told tbh, having engagement cards up when you don't know how she will react to the news seems a little insensitive to me.

Take it from a self-professed tomboy...we don't mind wearing dresses as long as we look cool. Not pretty, or beautiful, or cute. And we can still muck about without flashing our pants to the world. ?

Why in earth would an 8 year old child be the first one you told?! Should you hold off telling people until the weekend just so she heard it first?! Bit awkward.

That's actually exactly what I would do. If it was my child or my stepchild, I'd make sure they were the first to know. Maybe tell my mum but swear her to secrecy!

Interesting viewpoint. Have you got stepkids/kids at all? Just wondering why you would do it that way?

My OH told his son the next time we had him following our engagement but we were all together in the car at the time so it wasn't as if a big fuss was made of it. More of a 'Guess what? We are getting married! Fancy being a little best man?' Being a typical 10 year old boy he wasn't particularly exciting but nor was he bothered. Since then we have tried to include him in the wedding stuff where we can, without shoving it down his throat or allowing it to take over all our time when we have him. He seems genuinely excited by it and pleased to be part of it but I am always careful not to assume he wants to do anything or expect too much from him. Maybe girls can be more involved with the bride stuff as they tend to like that kind of thing anyway but if as you say she is a tomboy maybe she wont want to be. I hated being a bridesmaid when I was that age as I was a tomboy too! I would go with telling her you would like her to be a bridesmaid, gauge her reaction and then go from there. If she pulls a face you could say with a smile that she isn't to worry and you wont put her in a pink frilly frock and then just see how it goes but don't push it. Especially until it has sunk in!

Yes, I have a teenager, and was a very involved stepmum for 8 years. And I have seen my son seriously pushed out by his dad and the 'new family' in recent times. My lad feeling involved and important and part of my family comes first, everyone else second. I talked over marriage and kids with my son before speaking to my H2B.

Thanks mini. What I should have added was that we/I arranged it so it was my birthday when he asked so I had my birthday cards up as well. So it wasn't that obvious that the cards were for the engagement and yes I was more concerned with telling mine and his parents about the engagement. The arrangement with sd mum is that we only see her every other weekend just on a Sunday and we have to drive up to where she lives which is an hour away so we only have her in the house from after 11 til 3 and with the weather being lovely we have spent a lot of it outside. The relationship we have with her is very complicated and although we have wanted to tell her because we have her for such a short amount of time with her we just haven't said it. I am not being insensitive hoping she would notice but my 'fiancé' is not the best with this sort of thing. I obviously, in response to people saying it should be dad telling her I kind of saw that as a given it is not when I should tell her but when he should tell her I would just be ther to make him make sure he did it sensitively. People and this is a sweeping statement don't realise how hard it is and again this is a sweeping statement so please don't anyone take offence, for a dad to only see thir child for what is effectively 12 hours a month plus four hours driving each time. In my defence as a 'stepmother' have done things such as suggest we arrange to go to her parents evening but it is not my place to force this so I have to respect what my other half wants to do in this situation.

Fair enough! Was wondering why you thought of it that way that's all. Each to thier own though eh?

100% with you. Your sd's mum sounds a bit like mine.

Sent a very yey mini post in off topic but I have been following off topic for a while. Would love to chat via private messaging about the other woman' with you as I don't have anyone who gets it.

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