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Savvy October 2022 Merseyside

How to tell our brothers and sisters that we aren't inviting the kids?

MrsRtoH, 26 July, 2021 at 19:14 Posted on Planning 0 6

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Hey Everyone!

So I'm newly engaged but I started planning our wedding in my head about a year into our relationship haha! As you do! 🙄
We both have quite large families with siblings on both sides with 8 nieces and nephews on OH's side and 7 on mine. I'm super hands on and love playing with the kids when we see them however we have decided that we don't want to have 15 young children at our wedding. Firstly because we don't have any kids ourselves, secondly I don't want to be harassed to play and thirdly because I feel I want my brothers and sisters to enjoy the wedding and party with us fully without having to worry about babysitting. I know my family will be fine with this as they're super easy going and they know me as an aunty but I am concerned about OH's family as obviously I don't know them quite as well as my own and I don't want to upset them.
I'm wondering how you think I should go about telling them this? Also, should I be worried about one of them who is a single parent who looks to OH's parents for babysitting... That she might not have anyone else to look after her child if everyone who usually would is at the wedding?
Any advice at all would be greatly appreciated!Thanks x

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Latest activity by HappyGoldBridesmaid18836, 31 July, 2021 at 10:42

Rockstar August 2021 Bristol
Marcie · 26 July, 2021 at 19:51
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I think you better prepare yourself for your siblings not to be happy, I know I would be very upset if my children were not invited to a siblings wedding. It doesn’t bother if it’s a friends wedding but close family is different.
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Savvy July 2021 Worcestershire
Sarahjp2021 · 26 July, 2021 at 20:17
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We have also decided to have a adults only wedding, it can be difficult but at the end of the day it's your wedding and you can do what you want. We let our family members and close friends know like a year and a half in advance, at first my fiancé's sister was not happy but soon accepted it and is looking forward to having some time away from kids. Some of my family were not so accepting and my aunty, uncle and 2x cousins decided not to come as the 7 year old cousin was not invited. I explained the situation and at the end of the day if they can't accept our feelings of what we want then it's on them if they don't come. I'd recommend letting them know ASAP, we also put a note on our invites "we have chosen for our wedding day to be an adult only occasion, for those with children, we hope this advance notice means you are still able to share our big day with us" hope this helps! Good luck! 😊 X
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Dedicated September 2020 West Sussex
Sarah · 26 July, 2021 at 20:37
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I agree with Sarah, I would let them know ASAP. If they don’t get it explain that it’s not just 1 or 2 children but you would have 15+ which is a lot of money also you want them to chill and enjoy themselves! I set a no kids rule for my wedding as it would have meant a similar number of kids and actually everyone was excited to have some kid free time. I would hope that your SIL would have some friends who would be able to help her for a special occasion.

You might have to explain your reasons but don’t apologise for them, it’s your day that you are paying for and as Sarah said if they choose not to be included that is on them not you.
Best of luck
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Savvy October 2022 Merseyside
MrsRtoH · 27 July, 2021 at 15:52
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Thank you all for your input and opinions! I have taken it all on board. My sister who I will ask to be my MOH (I haven't done yet as she lives in London and I'm in Liverpool and I'm waiting to see her face to face to ask her) took the news brilliantly as she didn't have kids at her wedding. Albeit hers was 7 years ago and none of the neices and nephews were born at that point. But she completely got it. So I feel a bit better after that conversation. It's mainly my OH's family, I obviously don't want to upset them.
Does anyone have an specific wording that is soft that could help me structure how to deal with it? It's likely to be the weekend after next at a family gathering that we break the news.
Tia xx
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Beginner September 2022 South West London
crkm92 · 27 July, 2021 at 16:17
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One of the first things my partner and I decided is that we didn't want children at our wedding so we've put on our invitations: "Although we would love to see little smiling faces, unfortunately we will be unable to accommodate children."
No complaints so far!! (Although we don't have any nieces or nephews to worry about)
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Dedicated May 2022
HappyGoldBridesmaid18836 · 31 July, 2021 at 10:42
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It is a tricky one but being upfront and honest about it is probably the best way. Your OH’s family may appreciate the kid free time! For the single parent, it gives them plenty of time to find childcare, maybe a close friend? X
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How to tell our brothers and sisters that we aren't inviting the kids?

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