Husband and baby only invited to evening do

You should speak to your friend, it is unreasonable for her to expect you to leave your 3 month old at home until the evening. It is also unreasonable for her to not invite your husband given the situation especially as she knows him and get on well. It might be different if she didn't know your partner and it was a new relationship. If the couple can't include an extra space for your husband (because let's be honest the baby won't take up space and won't be needing a paid meal) then just let them know that you will just attend the evening. The only thing I can think of is that they were worried about the baby possibly disturbing the ceremony if he or she cries but you can reassure them. Hopefully you can resolve this!

I think your friend is being unacceptable. So they think it was ok for you to pay out for them both to attend your day but won’t return the favour? If the reason is number restraints and they are unwilling to pay the extra then they should have spoke to you before sending out the invites out of courtesy. I would message her to say thank you for the invites and explain the logistical issues and the fact that you’re not sure whether you’ll be breast feeding at the time of the wedding. Many of my friends breastfed and some of their babies wouldn’t take express milk from bottles so you may not even have the option to leave you baby at home with your husband as the baby will need feeding every couple of hours. It would also be a big task to have a newborn alone at the wedding so it would be good for your husband to be on hand to support you.

A similar thing happened to me last year where my fiancé’s friend invited me to the evening whilst my partner was invited to the day. We had planned to invite both him and his partner to the day of our wedding so it was a little disheartening they didn’t feel the same. My partner spoke to him to ask if there was a reason I wasn’t invited to the day and they also said numbers so it sounds like a common issue for weddings nowadays. Long story short, I ended up being invited to the day in the end so don’t feel awkward about asking. Some of their other guests may drop out so they may have room for you all. I imagine you’re not the only wedding guests in this situation and others might just opt to come the evening instead.

If they are unwilling to add your husband to the day I would respond to say you’ll all attend the evening instead due to the reasons you have mentioned. I would maybe check with your husband whether he would still like to go to the day if invited as he may feel a little awkward attending if he knew he wasn’t originally invited. He may just prefer for you all to attend the evening instead.

Good luck with it all and congratulations to you and your husband on your upcoming arrival x

View quoted message

Thanks for the advice. I'm going to explain the situation and hopefully she can extend the invite. Otherwise, I think we will both have to give it a miss as a 4 hour round journey for an evening do on a Weds with a small baby won't be feasible for us.

View quoted message

Thanks very much and totally agree with your point about them not being willing to pay for my husband even though we paid for hers (and she's always expected her partner to attend our other friends' weddings). However, I won't raise that point with her and instead just focus on the logistical/practical issues the separate invites brings.

I agree that you should focus on the logistical and practical issues - you can't expect wedding invitations from others just because you invited them to your wedding, since everyone's circumstances are different - your friends may simply not be able to afford to invite everyone they want. Although this does highlight why it is unwise not to invite established partners!

I would suggest thanking your friend for the invitation but explain why you are unable to accept. She may have sufficient space on the guest list to be able to add your husband, but if not, at least she will understand why you can't accept. I suspect she has never before had close contact with someone who has a newborn, or she would not have dreamed of inviting you by yourself in the first place.