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Miranda
Beginner February 2025 East Central London

i am a bridesmaid at my bestfriend’s wedding and my fiancé has been invited only to evening celebration

Miranda, 21 February, 2025 at 19:49 Posted on Off Topic Posts 0 4
I was asked to be a bridesmaid at my one of my closest friend’s wedding and I have only been told a week after accepting, that my fiancé has been invited only to the evening celebration. I was heartbroken especially because my friend knows my fiancé, and she was literally the second person I called when I got engaged! She invites us both to her birthday celebrations. My fiancé has met the groom-to-be on two occasions and, while they are not close friends, they get along just fine. This is a friendship I value so much, but I do not want to be unreasonable, entitled or confrontational in any way. How Should I express my confusion and hurt?



4 replies

Latest activity by Duncan, 22 March, 2025 at 10:33
  • Miranda
    Beginner February 2025 East Central London
    Miranda ·
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    And I wanted to add that my friend is always asking how my partner is doing and seems genuinely caring about us. She is also one of my top picks for my bridesmaid in my own wedding in a couple of years. This changes our friendship dynamic and I can’t see her in the same light. I am coming to terms with that, especially because I would never ever ever split up a married or engaged-to-be-married couple. Weddings are expensive and I am aware, I just see it as: you will most definitely get a return. The money will come back to you. I and my spouse will be a strong support system for her and her growing family. But now that my fiancé has essentially been excluded, the message is loud and clear, and so is the value they hold of us as a unit. Does anyone see things similarly or differently to me? Thank you for taking the time
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  • R
    Genius July 2020 Monmouthshire
    RomanticGreenStationery27135 ·
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    I'm so sorry.

    It's a really tricky one. In the past, it was automatic that couples were asked as couples, but, we've had a few posts on this forum from brides either asking if it's ok to split couples up or complaining that they have done so and the couple didn't like it, so it seems as if it's becoming more of a thing.

    I wouldn't take it personally, as it's almost certainly down to cost. They are probably having to limit numbers and have decided to invite another close friend instead of your fiancé, whom they don't know as well. Having said that, I do think it is inconsiderate to arrange a wedding (which, after all, is a celebration of the couple's own relationship) and to split up other couples when issuing invites to it! And it's especially rude to do this to a member of the wedding party, who is putting so much time, effort and money into supporting the bride!

    Before saying anything to your friend, you need to decide on the outcome you are prepared to accept and also on the value you place on the friendship. Bear in mind that she is unlikely to change her mind and invite your fiancé to the whole day whatever you say, so if you are not happy going without him, I would say something like "I'm so sorry. When you invited me to be bridesmaid, I hadn't realised my fiancé would not be invited as well. Since we only attend weddings as a couple, I'll have to drop out of the bridal party. I'd love to come to your evening celebration if you're still happy for both of us to attend that."

    If you still want to be bridesmaid but feel the need to express your disappointment, then perhaps say something like "I was really surprised that Fiancé hasn't been invited to the whole day, especially as I'm a bridesmaid. Can I ask why?"

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  • A
    Maryland
    Abdul ·
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  • Duncan
    Ontario
    Duncan ·
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    That sounds like a tricky situation! Maybe you could use the time during the main event to relax and enjoy something you love. When I have free time, I like to play Poki online games —it’s a fun way to pass the time while waiting for the evening celebration. Plus, it helps take your mind off any awkwardness!

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