i don't know if getting married is the right thing to do anymore

I am so sorry you are facing this - it sounds horrendous. You are thinking on the right lines - this is not so much a problem with your fiance's children as it is a problem with your fiance.

It is a HUGE red flag not to be able to discuss important issues without arguing - this is not going to be the only major difficulty you face because life tends to be full of them, so unless something changes, you are facing a future full of arguments.

It's another huge red flag when someone throws insults at their partner to try to dismiss/override their views. Telling you to 'grow up' is incredibly rude and patronising - you are being grown up by attempting to have a serious conversation about the totally inappropriate behaviour of your future step-children. Your fiance is the one who is being childish.

And it's another huge red flag to have your concerns ignored or to be told that it's all in your mind.

Of course it is possible to have a successful relationship with someone whose children dislike you - but only if you and your OH are on the same page, and he is firm about insisting you are treated with respect. Sadly, it seems that his kids' abusive behaviours have probably been learned from him.

At the very least, I would advise postponing all wedding planning. And definitely seek some support, either from your GP or a support line. To be honest, in your place, I would end the relationship - your fiancé is unsympathetic, patronising, verbally abusive and totally unconcerned by his kids hating you so much that you are having thoughts of suicide and self harm. And this is at a time when he should be at his most loving and enthusiastic toward you - if he's like this in the months leading up to your wedding, can you imagine how badly he's going to treat you after you've been married 5 or 6 years?

Sending you huge hugs - can I suggest you reach out to a trusted friend or family member and tell them how you are feeling? I know you will get lots of support here, but you need some real-life people to lean on, not just strangers from the internet.

View quoted message I second this, please postpone the wedding until all issues are resolved,if they can be. Hope you're OK Melody and can seek help from a real life friend or family member.

It's essential to address these concerns before getting married. Communication and support should be a foundation of any relationship. Consider seeking couples counseling to navigate this issue together. It's crucial to ensure you both feel comfortable and supported in your decision to marry.