I don't want children at my wedding :(

That sounds perfectly reasonable to me as it is your day after all

If you don't want children to come, don't invite them!

Having family kids at the wedding and a few friends kids, come the reception all children bar my step kids and my sisters two are going. it's your day lovely, your rules.

We worked out that if we had a blanket invitation to children of our guests, we'd have 25% kids. And we didn't want that. So we're putting "Due to the venue and nature of our celebrations, only the godchildren of the bride and groom can be accommodated at the reception".

Basically, we're having a ceilidh band. The last thing I want is people thinking "ahhh how sweet, kids are running about and don't know what to do". My godchildren are all old enough, plus they've been through some tough times recently (I got them away from their abusive mother through social services and promised I'd always be there for them) and they have been promised they'll always have a big part in my life.

We're not inviting any kids that aren't part of the immediate wedding party. To be honest, most people are quite happy not to bring kids because then they can have a fab adult day & really enjoy it!

This one comes up time and again. This is a bit tougher due to the high number of children potentially, but I still can't advise anyway as I don't agree, personally. What I really don't get with these queries is where the couple are parents themselves (and it seems you are), and are happy to have their own children there, but no-one else's... won't they (your kids) have much more fun and therefore be less trouble if other kids are there to play with?? And having kids yourself, can't you see that actually they are ok, and sometimes it's easier to bring them? Chances are, even if you do invite them all, some parents will choose not to bring them..

I was also really worried about telling people they couldnt bring their kids, but when it came down to it most people were really pleased that they would get to enjoy the day and have a drink without worrying about the kids! I think as long as you give people plenty of notice to get a babysitter, they won't mind at all.

At our Ceilidh, most kids have more chance of knowing what they're doing than the bride... We will have to incorporate our "emergency starfish" manoeuver into at least one of the dances.

Given how left/right challenged I am, the least of my worries is children on the dance floor!

I decided we had to invite kids as we live and are getting married a long way away from most of our guests, making babysitting more complicated than it otherwise would be. Considered a creche, but decided that even though I don't LIKE children, I'd have to deal with their presence as they're rather attached to their parents at the ages they are (most of them being family rather reduced the options for babysitting- the nearby grandparents being invited as well!)

We don't want children at ours either...I couldn't think of anything worse tbh. We do not have any children of our own and guess if we did, the situation would have to be different. We are therefore only having my niece and nephew who are part of our bridal party.

We are thinking of putting: "As so many of you have decided to go & have lots of children over recent years, we simply cannot accommodate them all. So why not leave them at the grandparents & come have a late night with us!" on our invitations...something along those lines anyway!! What do you think?

I have given a heads up to most of my friends whether they are day or evening guests and every one of them has been totally fine with it. I am anticipating backlash from my cousins regarding their children but, as far as we are concerned, it is all or nothing!

Don't feel bad. This is your day and people should understand that and not questions your reasons either.

x

That sounds reasonable.

Due to numbers we can't have many children at our wedding either. We're just keeping it to my little sister, nephew and nieces. If we did decide to invite all children then there would be over 40 children there!! That isn't going to happen.

Of course they will all be invited to the evening reception.

**Shelley** if I received that on an invite I'd be inclined to decline as it makes it look like you think a) we've got too many children and b) you don't agree with our decision to have children. One way to alienate and cut numbers! If you have to go that way I'd suggest something a bit more subtle.

(most of them being family rather reduced the options for babysitting- the nearby grandparents being invited as well!)

oh and this

I am having this problem at the moment. We dont have children and I hate it when I've been to weddings and all I can hear are children talking/crying in the church, I'm so easily distracted and it would irritate me more on my day. I guess it would be different if I had children myself.

So OH and I thought long and hard and have invited his sisters little girl and my 2 year old cousin as we see them regularly and have done since they were born.

We thought that if we didnt put the childrens names on guest invites it would be obvious they werent invited - big mistake, my other half's cousins are all contacting us to ask if they can bring their children. I dont get it - if my mum got an invite and my name wasnt on it I wouldnt expect to go along with her! We never ever see the cousins let alone their kids.

Huffff. I'm feeling a bit fed up, the guest list has been the worse part for me so far. Its so hard

We're having about 140 people at our wedding and that isn't including ANY children. Most of our friends have little ones they don't want to bring as they want to let their hair down, enjoy themselves and not have to worry about running after their children.

I really didn't want children at the wedding but my OH's brother who lives in America has subtly threatened not to come unless they can bring their children - 3 and 6. So we are having two, but I sort of resent the emotional blackmail on that. The majority of weddings I've been to have asked that children not be invited and the few I've been to with children have irritated me during the ceremony with screaming/incessant interrupting chatter.

I completely disagree with the idea that "children make a wedding". They don't, the bride and groom and all of their friends and family do. Sorry to be controversial about this but it has been the one major sticking point of our wedding planning as OH's brother has thrown a spanner in the works. Now that he's bringing his we need to invite my cousin's children as well and this expensive wedding will now get more expensive!

**shelley** please don't use that wording! I'd just go with a simple 'due to numbers'

We're only having close family children, my son, my OH's nephew who we see very regularly and my cousin's children as they live in Essex and I can't expect them to not travel with them as they'll only be 18months at the most.

I'm sure people understand. I wouldn't expect my son to be invited to a wedding unless it was someone we were very close to as a family.

We're not inviting children - teach enough at school and want a bit of peace and quiet on my big day! OH was adamant not having babies and I was keen not to have any children. Two bridesmaids have children under two but are making arrangements. Would have been fewer than 10 children but spoke to most parents individually and let them know our wishes (many had done the same at their weddings before they had kids). They've been fine and see it as a chance to have a night off and let their hair down. Just to make sure, we put a bit on our extra info. Just wrote: "We have made the decision not to invite babies and children to our wedding" Polite, simple and clear I think.

Lol, I guess it's hard to get a tone right but we found this on a reputable website about wedding etiquette! Lol back to the drawing board. Any suggestions! ?

X

I think we used something like this 'We hope you understand that we have chosen to make our special day adults only. Look forward to seeing you both there'

Surely that's taking it too personally, especially if it's a blanket rule for all guests?

Kids at a wedding are fine but there are costs involved, mouths need feeding etc and budgets are usually strained as is, that's another table, chair covers etc, all chargeable.

I would imagine it's a non issue for most but when nearly everyone has children it's understandable. I've covered weddings where all the kids are totally well behaved, moreover the parents acted like parents. Babbling babies were taken out during the ceremony etc.

It only takes one 'Brat' (and it usually is only one) to spoil things so maybe affirming parents be mindful of their children if causing a disruption during key times like speeches etc.

Most people will understand regardless, parenting is a full time job and many would appreciate the excuse for a break.

I've rarely seen more than 8 children (0-12 years) at a wedding and most I do have 80 guests in total.

I'd just go for something simple and to the point, 'unfortunately we are unable to accommodate children at the wedding' or 'due to numbers our celebrations will be adults only, we hope you understand'

Well, we are have a 'strictly no kids' wedding and we have two children ourselves so I am qualified to answer this! We felt that our whole lives are about our children and for just ONE day it's going to be about us - not them. They will be coming to the wedding as we felt it would be unfair not to include them and also we wouldn't have anyone to look after them! That said, my OH was all up for us not having them there if possible... As for entertaining them, they will be looked after by their grandparents for the day, who live in Scotland so don't get to see them as often as they would like. My FIL2b is a big kid himself so does the job brilliantly! As far as I'm concerned however, I don't expect to have much to do with them all day!! We used very similar wording to yours - I think it's fine and as yet, we haven't had any negative feedback, just friends who confirmed they wouldn't have bought them, even if we had invited them!

I only had my nephew whos 9, page boy who was 5 and flowergirl who was 2 at our wedding, i work with kids all day and i didnt want them to be running around on my day either or screaming/crying etc in the church- i didnt even put anything about numbers- just simply the parents name and they all came had a good time

As long as you understand that it might mean some no's as people may have difficulties getting babysitters (or even the cost of that alone) then go for it.

I have been to quite a few weddings in the last few years and only one or two had kids there. Its entirely a personal choice so don't feel bad. I'm certainly not going to, no chlidren at our wedding!

I don't think any of the weddings I've been to have had kids, and I'm not having any at mine - Don't worry!

Can I add that I've seen creche facilities at a couple of weddings, none of which were used.

Totally understandable and there is no reason to feel guilty! Its your day after all.

We have done something similar and nobody minded, i think they were relieved tbh!!

The only children we are having day and eve are the best man's brood (he and his wife just assumed they could bring 3 kids and a 6 month old baby and we ddnt have the heart to say no) and OH's nephew (who we were TOLD by his parents that they expected him to be made paige boy!!) however OH's brothers wife is pregnant again and the baby is due 5 weeks before the wedding. We hope they wont bring the newborn but know they will, just to have people cooing over them all day?

I wasn't taking it 'personally' per se, when I said 'we', I meant any and all of us invited guests with children.

I can see it's meant to be a blanket 'ban', but the wording is equally rude to all.

FWIW with the right wording I don't have a problem with the idea of 'no children' (at someone else's wedding).

Another classic Hitched topic.Always causes lots of views everytime it comes up!

We put a ban on children except MrMinis 2 who were collected after the ceremony. Last thing I wanted was a screeching baby during our vows.

If you don't want kids there- say you don't want them there. If people don't turn up (we had one couple out of 80 guests) then its no great loss.

I work with children, and my partner and I want kids ourselves as well, but some of the children in my family are truely spoilt brats and any family event that takes place, one child in particular, she tries her dammed hardest to make it about her, it's me, me, me all the time. She fights, she has to open other people's gift's, she shouts and runs up and down and has to tough everything. My partner and I have deceided that our wedding is about him and I and not the children and therefore don't want the children at the service, but we will have them at the recption. We dont want the distraction of children whinging, crying, running up and down and shouting out etc. We put in our wedding invites "Although we love your little munchkins, we are sorry, we are unable to accomodate them during the day. They are more than welcome to join us at the evening reception" Yes 1-2 family members have been a bit funny with us and refused to attend the wedding, but its about what we want, its about us and the last thing we want is the distraction of children during our vows or the risk of them upsetting me/us on the most important part of our day.

This is causing a huge headache for us as neither of us want children at the wedding (apart from our 3 year old nephew who will have no one to look after him).

It´s made more difficult by the fact that were getting married in Italy and have guests coming from all over the place.

We have 4 friends coming from the UK who have babies under the age of 2 and we have said that they are welcome, as we can´t expect them to be left at home for a long weekend.

On the other hand we have a few Italian friends who have 12 children between them, ages 3 to 8. They will only have to travel 1.5 hours to the wedding and all have at least one set of grandparents, plus aunts and uncles, who could look after the kids for 24 hours. I really don´t want them to be there as I know from recent weddings what a pain they are!

I´m conscious that it will look like we´re applying dfferent rules for different people though. The plan is to speak to them and explain that we would prefer them to leave the kids at home if possible. Hopefully it will work!

There is nothing awful in it, its your day and you can have what you want! Me and my OH have 6 children between us and we are having no children other than our own and a relatives thats flying over from Australia.

At the end of the day, if people love you they will respect your wishes and with appropriate notice will arrange babysitters and be there to share your big day. I sent a couple of people a personal message explaining that 'due to budget' and the fact that for us we would of had 1 child per couple if we had invited them all and everyone was great about it.

If they choose to take the hump and not come then there not worth being there! At the end of the day weddings aren't cheap and even though I'm a mum I dont want my wedding day to be a daytime creche either!