i don’t want my mums husband at my wedding… help?

Oh dear...if you've already agreed he can come, it's going to be very, very difficult to back out now.

Have you fixed a date and venue? If not, I would suggest picking somewhere so tiny that you can literally only have 4 guests and then explain that the only way your mum's partner can come is for your grandfather to drop out, and that you don't feel this is fair since he is the one who brought you up.

If the venue is already fixed, then you have two choices:

1) Accept that since you've already invited him, you can't back out and make peace with having someone you don't really want at your wedding. (Make sure you get some photos that don't include him so that you don't have to have a permanent reminder in your photo album that he was there) If your OH has one friend or family member who would make an obvious 'third guest' for him, then maybe consider inviting them along too, so that step-dad is 'watered down' a bit more!

2) Explain to your mother that it is really important that your ceremony is a very small one with only the very closest loved ones present. Also, you having three guests while your OH having two is unfair and not what you originally agreed. Say that for these reasons, you are withdrawing the invitation to her husband. If you pick this option, it might help if you meet halfway - perhaps agreeing to meet up with him for a meal immediately post ceremony and even having some non-formal photos taken together. However, I would think long and hard before you pick this option. It's impossible to know in advance just how upset your mother will be by you cancelling her partner's invitation. There is no guarantee that it won't cause a long-term (or even permanent) rift in your relationship.

Whatever you do, I would talk over the pros and cons with your OH and then present a united front. (I'd do this with the rest of the wedding planning too - apart from anything else, it gives you a great cop-out if someone is pressuring you to agree to something as you can say "Sorry, OH and I have agreed to make all wedding decisions together - I'll discuss it with him and we'll get back to you."!!!)

Thanks for your reply!

The date, venue and even the country is TBD, we are still in the early planning stages and looking at ideas for smaller, intimate ceremonies.

I agree that it would make sense for either us saying only 2 guests per side, or adding an additional guest to make it 3 each. The biggest issue really is that he can be incredibly difficult to converse with generally, and I wouldn't want to make it awkward for anymore people than necessary!

Thank you for your advice, it's definitely something I will be taking into consideration. x