I hate my wedding...HELP

Oh no hon! I'm not sure I have comforting words...

Why have you had to compromise so much? is there no way of changing anything., or adding to it to make it more your day?

Did the florists say why they couldn't do it?

Thats really not good. Sending you lots of hugs. I cant really offer any advise but what about silk flowers? they can be done weekd in advance? Just a thought

Hi sweetie, ah i hope you are ok you sound so down. Is there any chance you can order artificial foam flowers? These can surley be done in sooner time? i would stick to your guns and try emailing some more places or if you are creative go to a florist supplies warehouse and have a go at making your own-explain your situation and they may be able to give you some help or advice.

Are you marrying the person you love?

End of the day that is all that matters.

Aw thats awful, I don't think I have any words of comfort but didn't want to read and run.. Hope it all works out just how you want it in the end.xx

Deep breaths!

Could you change your date by 1 or 2 days, probably not a big deal as I imagine people flying over will be arriving a few days before and staying a few after anyway?

If this is possible, would you be able to book a preferable venue - often more available on a weekday, for example.

Why did you have to compromise on the dress? If budgets related, it may not be too late. Or could you have your dress altered to fit more of the idea you had in mind?

If florists cannot help you on that date, why not go fake? Then they can provide them anytime between now and then! I've gone for silk flowers because, in all honestly, I don't see the point in paying that much money for flowers that die. At least I'll have a lovely collection of flowers to decorate our house / dinner table etc after the big day! Or there are many alternatives - feather and crystals bouquets, brooch bouquets, button bouquets! Or a couple of flower arranging classes and DIY? I'm on a budget and I seriously considered this option - I was going to go very simple, some calla lilies bound with black ribbon and secured with pearl pins.

If you list everything that would be in your dream wedding, and list what you've got, we may be able to offer ideas / solutions / compromises ?

My fiance is a medical student so budget has been a a huge issue. We have chosen everything around a very small budget and our wedding is very small - but that's ok because that's what I wanted. We are getting married on 27 December. I wish someone would have said that florists can't get flowers from the 21st - 27th. The venue is fine - lovely actually - but it's three hours away from where I live and four hours from my fiance. We opted for that area as it's closer to his family and we thought if my family were travelling from America, at least one family wouldn't have to travel for the day.

Finding a DJ was a nightmare as well because every single person I spoke to said they intended to be hung over that day!!

At the end of the day, I am looking forward to the marriage more than anything. I just always wanted this day to be brilliant - and it just doesn't feel like it will be! I don't want to sound like a brat, I just don't want to look back and remember our wedding as a day I didn't love as much as the man I am marrying!

What compromises have you had to make? Are they down to budget?

How does your Oh feel about your day? I know if I was this stressed about it the only person who could make me feel better is my OH. He would say, that whatever had gone wrong, as long as we get married that is all that really matters. I know you want things to be perfect, but maybe there is a solution to some of the things that are troubling you?

Oh no I am sorry you are feeling that way. Ok you need to sit down take a deep breath and remember why you are getting married. You have someone who wants to spend the rest of their life with you but not only that they want to celebrate it with you with all your family and friends. Give yourself a break from planning maybe until after the weekend and go and do something that you enjoy that you don't have to compromise on and do your best to put it out of your head. Then next week you can look at it with fresh eyes. Break it down piece by piece.

Ok so the date isn't the one you wanted but thats ok because when it comes to the actual day it won't matter you will be surrounded by people you love and care about and they are only going to be interested in celebrating your day regardless of what that date is.

The venue, work out what it is you don't like about it. Is it because you had your heart set on somewhere else? or you settled because of budget or other logistical matters? When you have worked this out turn it on its head spend some time finding the positives in it, try to imagine your day at that venue and how you can make as amazing as possible. There are endless ways of making a venue go from empty and nothing to special, intimate and atmospheric. Read up on some wedding blogs draw inspiration from things that mean something to you and get creative you can have complete control over that and the after effect will be so much more rewarding.

The dress, Now this is a toughie. You need to feel comfortable and beautiful on the day. Give the one you have now a chance, work out the reason for why you don't like it and then see if its possible to make minor alterations or perhaps focus on the accessories and your hair and make up. If this doesn't work then maybe find away to return it or sell it so you can get a dress you love. Its the same with the rings there is always another option and another way. Maybe at the same time though you have gotten so upset by not having things the way you had planned out in your head you are unable to see the things you have now in a positive light, everyone gets like this with all sorts of things in their lives so maybe giving yourself a little break is a good idea to start. Go and enjoy some time with your fiance and remember the reason why you are going through all this stress in the first place.

I have photographed many weddings and never been to one where the bride isn't enjoying every second of it. You will have an amazing day.

You're fantastic. Thank you! x

Ahh, i read your post and really felt for you x

I agree with Amy but i know how you must be feeling (just want to give you a big hug)

Not sure if the florists explained why they cant organize fresh flowers on that date?( but i'll explain for people who are not aware) Our wholesalers cant get the flowers for us because they cant get the flowers from the growers! Its really frustrating!!

You could go for silk/foam flowers as they can look very realistic or i have even done silk flowers with fresh foliage and they looked great! You can then keep the flowers in a pretty container or have them made into an arrangement for your home!

I should be promoting flowers( i'll make an exception this time lol) but i think the button bouquets look really stylish and unique!

You will look fantastic on your day and none of your guests will know any different hun - they will just love being part of your special day!!

xxxxx

For a winter wedding could you have wreaths made of evergreen foliage, maybe with church candle centres? I buy a 'real' wreath each year and it lasts just fine for several weeks over christmas, so I'm sure you must be able to have them made up far enough in advance for the florists? Or even lots of garden centres do this sort of thing?

In regards to a DJ, do you need an actualy DJ? could you make your own playlist and nominate a family memeber or fried to look after music for the day?

What do you feel you have compromised on a dress? I was amazed at how cheap alterations were (compared to the cost of that 'perfect' designer dress).

I feel very fortunate that the compromises we have had to make are minimal as we are in a lucky position of having a reasomnable budget to play with - however I think when I have been looking at where we can make savings so we can have other things we really want, the key thing I kept thinking about was what the feel of the day that I wanted was, if I don't have X what can I do that will maintain that 'feel' IFYSIM.

Maybe because your venue is a fair distance away you are having trouble conencting with it and envisaging how you can make it 'your' day.

My best friend got married at a venue that was almost 3 hours away and only got to see it a few times, but stillmanaged to make it her day - the staff there were great and very helpful.

In what way do you feel its not what you wanted? Can you tell us what your dream day would be like, and how that is different from what you have? I'm sure between us we might be able to help you find some in budget options to get your dream wedding!

hugs

DM

Oh babe, I really feel for you, its time to put your foot down!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! There WILL be a florist available somewhere, where do you live hun? Some girls on here might be able to recommend one? Have to tried any local colleges for some budding flower-arrangers currently on a course? Some florists dont work from a shop, they are kind of mobile.

The date is fixed now - whether it was the date you wanted originally, that is now YOUR date so claim it back! Work with your venue to get what YOU want from your wedding. Not much you can do about your ring now, but your dress? If its not exactly what you wanted, see if they can exchange it at the shop? Or have it altered by an expert - to suit you. Get stuck in babe.

I am sure it will be awesome on the day - as it is around Christmas I agree with the others about using some of the winter foliage, Christmas decorations, candles etc. Some days I think my wedding is going to be a rubbish day as we are on such a tight budget that no one will enjoy it but it's not about that really. It will be amazing cos it's all about the actual marriage part which should last a lifetime.

Good luck with it all x

Ohh noo!! ? hugs for you!

Try not to dwell on the things that have gone wrong and MAKE it your day by concentrating on daft things like ... our first dance will be ** because we want it! and were going to have half an hour to ourselves before the meal cos we want it like that!

Christmas decs are a lovely idea !

Why not have non- flowerly table peices, and brooch bouquets rid yourself of the flower problem and it will add cimbo sparkle to the day itself!

xx

I know you feel so rubbish at the moment so big hugs for you *HUGS*

BUT

You have nearly a Year. you need to make a list of the things that are important.

there are lots of alternatives to the flowers (i.e silk buttons felt feathers). How creative are you? if you wanted to put your theme/colour scheme/ any ideas you have, all the lovely hitchers would be able to give you excellent advice on how to make your special day exactly how you want it even if it is on a budget. see the budget as a challange as a postive rather than a downer. lots of bargain hunting DIY bits & bobs. thats a whole lot of love & effort into your big day

xxx

It would be interesting to hear from some of our "old marrieds" who had a similar date to you last year(well, the month before last!!!). Their input would probably help you make decisions that would work for you. Regarding the flowers though, the suggestions of artificial or evergreen are pretty close to that which I have experienced on similar dates.

The most important thing is that you are getting married...the rest is relatively immaterial.

(apart from the photography?)<g> Couldn't resist that!!!

Which area are you in btw. It might help with some supportive suggestions of possible vendors)

Peter

I just had to write back and say please please don't be sad!

Ive also booked my wedding for the 27th of December we are on a tight budget too so planning tea lights and candles with some silver xmas decs like snowflakes to decorate. No real flowers but check out ebay for some lovely fake bouquets which you can add sparkles to if you want.

Im sending lots of hugs!

XXX

I'm getting married on 29th December and my florist told me that although there is no flower delivery that week, some flowers can be frozen the week before and defrosted for your bouquet. I haven't sorted the details with her yet so don't know what flowers work well but you could ask around as an alternative to silk flowers. That said you can get some very realistic silk flowers these days so I might end up getting them and just adding fresh winter foliage with berries or something.

Where in the country are you getting married?

Don't give up on a florist.

I got married on the same date and found a florist who agreed to keep the roses and gerbera in their cellar over Christmas.

They were perfect!

I got married New Year's Eve just gone so didn't have the exact same problem for flowers but we went very minimal anyway as we had candelbras as centrepieces. And in fact I didn't get my flowers till after the ceremony for complicated reasons. Didn't actually realise i didn't have them until I was about to walk down the aisle. To be honest? didn't matter a damn and no-one noticed.

As for dj'ing we had a friend dj and included a line in our invites asking people to send cd's as we didn't want our friend to have work all night on new years eve. got a few that way so it might be worth trying.

We got married in Belfast where we used to live but both live in England now. Coordinating that way was tough but two organised trips and it was all sorted.

I love that we had a winter wedding. A 4pm ceremony by candlelight with it getting dark outside - sooo romantic! all the families were in wonderful form because it was Christmas time. No-one really has to use holiday leave to get there. Our budget and wedding were small (£7k and 50 people) and I wouldn't change it even if I could have.

Oh and I got my wedding dress in a closing down sale for £99... two months later i decided i didn't like it, was considering buying a new one but went to see a dress maker with it. For £200 including cleaning she transformed it into a dress i adored and love looking at photos of.

The wonderful thing about weddings is that its the personal touches - often soo cheap to do - that make it memorable. the poems and readings you have, the vows you chose, the speeches, the smile on your face, how in love you both look. that's what people remember from weddings. it's what you will remember. i bet if i asked friends of mine now, a month on, what food they ate, what my flowers were, whether or not we had chaircovers, they couldn't tell you. decide what matters to you, get creative, ask for advice here and make it the wedding you want it to be.

Do you have room in your budget for a wedding planner to assist you and remove some of the stress? There are many wedding planners who are affordable and there's always people here on Hitched to help instead.

You hate your wedding .

try to fired this big problem.

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I feel bad for you. Is there any way you can discuss this with the people involved and let them know it is not what you want? I know the wedding isn't everything but it is your day and your fiance's day and you should be happy with the arrangements.

I got married on the 15th of December last year, and i didn't even consider real flowers because i knew that they were going to cost me a fortune. I managed to get my bouquet (Rainbow Florist, a listed supplier on hitched) and i got 4 bridesmaid bouquets (off ebay), all for just over £100.

Where there is a bride, there is always a way. You can pick up lots of things on places like Ebay for minimal prices. You have just under 11 months to go, if you make a list of everything that you'd like, you can spread the cost through the year and it won't be such a financial issue. That's what my H and I did. We had bought a lot of things in the January sales.

I Hope the OP is reading the thread & taking ideas & inspiration so not to be sad about her wedding....she hasnt posted for a while

I know - I am getting a little worries too! Are you out there OP?

x

I have been reading via email as it's been a manic week...

I appreciate all of the advice and support - having spokent to a few people it's nice to know I'm not alone in this and I'm NOT crazy. I've been so worried about being a bridezilla that I have gone with the flow for things - just not wanting to sound demanding or like a brat.

I had a very clear image of what I wanted and due to a number of things, had to choose alternatives. I know in the grand scheme of things it doesn't matter - what matters in the marriage.

I have a really difficult time dealing with stress and have no outlets to vent as my family don't want to hear it (I've been told I upset everyone when I have a rant) and my OH has important things going on in his life and doesn't need the added pressure from me.

Would you believe it? He rang one florist -ONE - the day after my meltdown and she was able to not only do our flowers but use the flowers I had my heart set on.

I just don't get it. Wedding planning is HARD WORK!

Thanks again all!

xxxxx

It is. But see when the day comes? You'll have an amazing day feel like a million dollars and it will all have been worth it!

Ahhhh i am glad you're ok.

you can always rant & vent here