I have an uninterested bridesmaid issue - need some advice

Hi,

I agree that she could have made more of an effort to try dresses on but apart from that what exactly is a CBM suppose to do? Just curious since you said you explained what a CBM meant.

I'm having one bm and don't expect much of her apart from come to look at dresses and possibly help me with some bits like a table plan etc but that is only because she is great at crafty things. Your bm's and cmb's should be asked because you want them to play a part in your day and anything extra is a bonus not an obligation.

Sorry if that sounds harsh but just because you helped her doesn't mean she has to help you although it would be nice if she could repay the favour but I don't feel your reasons are enough to dump her but if you still want to you just need to be honest and tell her she isn't paying enough attention to your wedding day.

Lx

Hey there,

I'm sorry you're feeling down about this. my bm's are fairly uninterested in everything surrounding the wedding too - whinged about dress shopping etc, although they loved the dresses. I have raised it with one of them - not in a bridezilla way, just that I was upset. She was fine about it - I think she just didn't know how to handle the wedding stuff and plus, she isn't that girly.

I have just accepted that as, I asked them to be my bridesmaids not for them to do loads of work but because I love them. I am happy to sort my own hen do, and pretty much most things myself - luckily I have 3 SIL2Bs and they are helping but the one thing I have learned from wedding planning is that people really aren't that interested (doh) so just ask them to do the bare minimum. TBH its fair enough its your decision to get married and do all the bits you want to do - and they are not honor bound to help you out.

Sorry if thats a bit harsh - and it does seem a bit mean if you did help her out like you said. Why don't you just say to her "Look this is really getting me down, I do need a hand, I have XXXX left to sort, which bits do you think you might help me with?" Then you'll know where you stand. For example my mate isn't girly but is into graphic design so gave me input with the invitations and photography. Which is less girly!

HTH and I am sorry that you're stressed out about this. Don't rush into any decisions about her not being your CBM - she may have stuff going on that you don't know about cause she doesn't want to bother you.

x

Not really sure what a bm/cbm should officially do but...

i thought the job of cbm was to help the bride and help the day run smoothly in anyway she can, i was very lucky my cbm was a real star, from doing the reading cos my mom had forgotten her glasses, (but didn't actually realise til she was infront of everyone, going redder and redder, bless her) my cbm swiftly moved in, to handing out drinks at the reception, socialising, liasing between hotel staff and us so we didn't have to wonder round trying to find someone when we needed something, when we were given gifts, she took them off us and placed them all on the table for us, and helped put everything in the room at the end of the night. Perhaps i was just lucky!!

Sorry doesn't help you much, but i hope you get it sorted, nothing like an unenthusiastic bm (don't even get me started on that, still annoyed 7 months on!!!) to wind you up on your wedding day.

Em xx

Hi there

Thanks for the advice, it doesn;t sound harsh, Its less help I want really and more the odd phone call to say heah how are you doing, hows the planning going - she's not even doing that. Perhaps you are right about placing too much expectation on her, I am going to ask her to come to a wedding fair with me and see what she says to that.

I hear what you are saying though stupidgirl, you are right other people are just not as excited as the bride are and the interest does wain after hearing when it is, what date, have you got the dress questions. I think I am feeling a bit sensitive as my mum isn't girly or particularly interested either, she's really a practical kind of women and not feminine really.

Thankfully my MIL and my sister in law to be - are enthusiastic, I guess I should just concentrate my efforts there really? Shouldn't I?

Hi Cat

How much notice did you give her to go and try the dresses on? If i was asked to go on a Saturday and try something on i just wouldn't have the time without notice. Saying that i would obviously know that i would have to make the time and some point to try these on for you.

Going by the rest of your email what else is it you want her to do at this point because it sounds like you didn't do anything else until it was nearly the day of her wedding as you mention cooking the food and 'last minute' stuff.

Perhaps she will help out more when it's nearly your wedding day?

TBH when I first got engaged I was MASSIVELY obsessed and quite surprised no-one else cared!!

Once I calmed down and stopped mentioning it weirdly people (my sister + my mum + my H2B) have been a lot more interested.

It is difficult as you do get this idea in your head of how it all should be, but it doesn't work like that and its just a bit difficult to take a step back from it all - speshly when all the mags + movies+ books make a big deal of being a bride!

I would just chill out with your BMs, go for a drink and have fun and don't think about the wedding too much. They will def. help on the day - my BMs have said that for sure.

how long have you got to go now?

x

Hi just wanted to say although these posts are old, I have found them very useful.
I’ve been struggling with the stress & internal emotions of an uninterested bridesmaid who also happens to be my fiancé’s eldest daughter.

I’m now going to lower my expectations and step back as it was upsetting me to a point that I really didn’t want her involved in our wedding - which obviously couldn’t happen due to the family attachment & not wanting to cause friction.
Oh well! People are people & as you all say nobody will ever be as excited as you!
Thanks for the advice everyone