Ideas for small wedding with complicated family!

Welcome, certainly nothing like "planning ahead"

Not sure what 'dp' means but that makes no difference really, a wedding of 30 is not really a problem although you might it a bit difficult finding a venue - most wedding dedicated venues have minimum numbers, particularly for saturdays (ours is minimum 90, for example, but that suited our plans).

I wonder whether in your situation you might be better going for a later wedding, say 3.30pm, half hour for the ceremony, an hour for photos, then move to a nearby pub and have the 'wedding breakfast' for about 6pm instead. You don't have to make your day last till midnight - and in fact you'll save a lot of money, even on smaller numbers, if you only feed people once. Most people are happy to move between a ceremony location and a 'rest of the day' location although it just makes logistics slightly more complicated, but again nothing insurmountable.

There's a certain expectation that weddings need to be partying till the small hours of the day, but you're right that not everyone will spend all night propping up the bar. As most people are travelling about 2 hours to our big day we fully expect numbers to start thinning out about 9.30pm, and on that basis we've planned our day around ending at 11pm. Of course, the bar will remain open till midnight should people want to continue, but like you most of our families and guests aren't particularly heavy drinkers, and on that basis we've negotiated a non alcoholic drinks package with the hotel, again it's saved us a nice chunk of change to spend on something we feel the majority of our guests will appreciate more, and those that want/need alcohol can simply buy their own, as is the norm at most weddings for the evening part anyway.

The other option, of course, is remembering that you don't have to invite everyone to the wedding breakfast - you could have an earlier ceremony and invite everyone if you wanted, then only close family to the afternoon wedding breakfast followed by photos, then make the evening party for everyone start earlier and bump the speeches/cake cutting into that. That's what we've done, and although perhaps not a popular suggestion round here, none of our guests have questioned it, and it's saved us about £3000. It just means that non wedding guests have about 2 hours to kill between ceremony and evening, which some are using to check into their hotels, others are having a picnic, etc.

I think often we get too carried away with the day itself, and forget that the marriage ceremony is actually the most important part of the day rather than hours of partying - and in fact all it takes is the legal declarations and vows (and two witnesses) to get married; everything else (as nice as it is) is really just gravy. Having said that, of course we all want to make our days special and memorable.

Given that you are planning on 30 people for the ceremony itself, I wonder whether that opens up all sorts of possibilities that you wouldn't have with, say, 120 guests like we are having. Examples being you could hire a vintage bus for a day, use that to get to the ceremony, then use that to get people to the afternoon meal and have the speeches on the bus.

Whereabouts in the country are you based and/or planning on getting married? That may open up some more options to you.

Hi,

We are also having a small wedding (approx 17 people including 2 small children). We have invited immediate family only - I never wanted to have a big wedding and would prefer to have a smaller wedding to keep costs down and have a really nice day.

We are getting married in a 4 star hotel and the day starts at 2pm with the civil ceremony followed by champagne reception, then wedding breakfast from 4.30pm and the wedding will finish around 8pm but guests can go to the bar afterwards if they like. We didn't want a late finish as we have a daughter who will be 4 then and don't want her being up to late even though she is staying with Granny.

We are also concerned about the evening bit of the day as we haven't as yet organised any entertainment. We may hire a harpist.

There may be issues finding the right venue - some venues insist on minimum numbers of 35/50 or a minimum spend - not sure what your likely budget is?

Good luck with the planning.

Michelle

Were also having a small too (on Thursday whoop!) with 35 people altogether, including me and my OH. we had the same problem, as none of my family drink at all really and only a few of the man in my OHs family. We've decided to married in the lake district, 2 and a half hours from where we live. were doing it on a weekday because you don't have to pay extra for having only a few people there like you do on a weekend, and for the evening we've hired out a boat to have the reception on. really couldn't think of anything else to do! Then honeymoon on saturday, and a big party back in our home town for friends and family when we get back. plus its another excuse to wear my dress! good luck!

I would have a much later ceremony - e.g. 4pm, then you run straight into dinner and evening without it 'fizzling out'. People will drift off as and when they are ready.

Or have all your friends in for the evening - if you've already hired a venue it seems like a better idea than having another party later. There's no reason why family/day guests have to saty for the evening either, I know a couple who had ceremony and WB for family, they all left after the meal then other guests turned up for the evening - it was one where there were 'lifestyle issues' and the family didn't want to mix with the 'weird' friends, but you could do the same.

I can totally sympathise, we're getting married abroad. The guests are staying at different hotels and coming to ours for the wedding. I'm probably not much help but I'm dreading my OH's mum and dad being together, they've both re-married but still hate each other. My dad isn't coming but my mum is coming by herself, they still hate each other. Weddings can be so stressful as it is so we decided to go abroad and leave the interfering aunties at home and whichever of our parents could make it was their decision x