If you met today, would you still marry / be with your partner?

? Thank you.

Crikey SLD has it really been almost a year!? I remember the long thread about TFB man! ?

WSS. And thank god for that, otherwise I wouldn't now be with the kindest, cleverest, loveliest, funniest man in the world, ever. <luckyescapeicon>

Anna - TFBman can kiss my arse! No, he was lovely and all, but it was a little bit awkward with him being friends with my ex, so it probably worked out for the best in the end. He blew so hot and cold because of the association, it just wouldn't have worked I think.

Yes almost a year - we met last Good Friday and became 'official' on April 4th... after I spent an hour telling him why I didn't want to be his girlfriend and why it wouldn't work - once bitten, twice shy, me? Never!!!

Oh , lovely Mrs M (I don't think I've ever called you that before but I've stalked seen you around here enough to know that you are). I don;t know your situation but know exactly how you feel.

I'm still working on mine (relationship difficulties) and I do love my H but I honestly don't think we'd get together if we met now, for a variety of reasons. It's funny to see some posts that describe this as a head-bursting question (I'm paraphrasing obviously) as I don't see it like that at all and my instant reaction was 'no'. I guess that's actually quite sad. I look at some of the relationships on here that some of you have (with both or only one partner being here) and I often think 'I wish my marriage/H was like that.

Having said that, he does have many good qualities too - esp as he bought me some new clothes yesterday lol.

PMSL! I am borrowing that for future posts!

Mrs M [hugs] it is never too late, as others have said...

I hesitate to answer the question myself at times. It's not that there's anyone else I've encountered in the last 12 years that's made me think 'I should be with him'.

I just think the pair of us make one another sad sometimes. There's lots of things I now know about him (like moods and so on) that perhaps if I'd known then would have made me hesitate. And I've had family probs with his family too - sometimes those difficult traits of the ILs come out in him.

I suppose it's not that surprising that all is not wondrous because we have a small baby, job is not brilliant for him and we are under financial stress. TBH our marriage took some fairly major hits after about 3 years what with struggling to have babies and my work being utterly all consuming and hideously stressful.

Normally when we get to spend a rare amount of time together it reminds us why we're together. We just haven't had any of that time and he doesn't seem that keen to get that time atm - he wants to spend it with the children (which is admirable of course)

He has given me two beautiful babies and he is a great dad. I'm not sure right now there's much more to our relationship. Hopefully time will sort that out and we'll realise we still want to be together. but it makes me feel sad to think of this as we were total soul mates for so long.

WEES Mrs M. It's never, ever too late. I decided I wanted a different life at 27, left my ex-husband of several years, and it took me till I was 35 to find Mr JK. It was worth the wait, and frankly it was worth the risk of not finding someone else. It's true, life's too short to waste it being unhappy.

MrsB - sounds to me from what you write that you and your OH have simply had a shedload of obstacles thrown at you, which have stretched your relationship to the max. Hopefully there are smoother times ahead for you ?

Just realised I didn't actually answer the OP but yes I'm sure I would. We met at 16 (me) and 18 (him) and I can honestly say that although we've changed we've changed together. I don't really like the term but he really is my soul mate and, more importantly, my best friend. I've never met anyone else quite like him and I don't think I ever will. We move in the same circles work-wise too so had we not met when we did it's very likely that our paths would have crossed eventually anyway.

MrsM, W MrsJess and SophieM said about it being too late.

No. In fact, if I'd met him 6 months later we wouldn't have got together although we would probably have been friends. I think what has kept us together this long was the shared experience of struggling to start a family - now we have, the gaps are starting to show. I should probably point out here that my husband is lovely, my best friend, but the more my self esteem improves, the less sure I am that we did the right thing in getting married.

I don't know. Mostly because (and I don't mean to come across bigheaded) Mr P is Mr P because of me. We often talk about what we would be like if we hadn't met and he maintains he would have probably never moved out from under his parents extremely oppressive thumb / home. He says he has had all h is major life changing experiences because of me ?. He is absolutely my best friend, soul mate and I adore him. Like JK we have the girls which binds us together even more and has changed who we are and our priorities a lot.

Mrs M ?, never ever too late. My parents were together 15 years and for 90% of that time were happy. Then various things happened and they split up and now they both are 100% happy with themselves, their partners and their lives.

If I had known what I know now, I think I wouldn't have married him.

Mrs Magic - those are your words, but they could be mine. I'm sure my OH be devastated if he knew, and I don't ever plan on telling him. I made my vows with sincerity and intend to go on working hard to make our marriage work.

Can I answer this the opposite way round?

I've only been with my OH for about 18 months now and I feel like I've finally found my soul mate but I'm 36 and he's 48. I was thinking only yesterday that I wish I had met him sooner... but actually I don't think I would have been attracted to him ten years ago. I knew of him (he's my brother-in-laws best mate) and always thought he was a bit shy and nerdy! He's changed so much over the last five years due to experiences he's been through and he such a different person now - much more confident and self assured and ultimately he's more attractive to me.

So although it's a shame we won't have as many years together as some other couples might have if we'd meet when we were in our 20's I think we've found each other at the right time 'for us' (if that makes sense)

Lovely lovely MrsM. You deserve to be happy whether that is married or not!!! ?

In answer to the original question. Yes I still think we would. I adore him most of the time and recently we've had to have some semi psychological testing which proved we have an almost identical outlook on life, probably due to having very similar childhoods. That's not to say it's always rosy but then what is.

We've been just the 2 of us for nearly 11 years, the idea of changing the dynamics of that terrifies me.

Thanks lauraloo ? I'm sure I will try hard to make it better and so will he.

WEES - Mrs Magic, Boop: ?

As for TLS and I - yes, I think we would still get together now, and stay together. The things that we had in common then - we still do, we still like each other's company, make each other laugh and so on. Where we do have our differences, such as not liking the same types of holiday and so on, we've found workarounds.

We've been together for 9 years now, which is my longest ever relationship, and that says and means quite a lot to me.

Kinda WSS. I find it too hard to get my head round tbh ? I can't picture myself now without children, but the children I have are my H's children ? so if we hadn't met or were just meeting now, I still picture myself with the children...I suppose then it depends on how much he'd want to take on someone else's children ?

I think if I met Mr TB now I would not be that interested. When we met 13 years ago, his lifestyle seemed "glamorous", ie, he was a policeman, lived in an exotic foreign country etc and this kind of made up for everything else.

Now I know him to be quite lazy in as much as he completely lacks any motivation and the cool-as-a-cucumber exterior he used to show was actually more of a -i-cant-be-arsed exterior.

I would have left it as the two week fling that it probably was. Some people bring back sticks of rock or naff souveniers from their holiday - I bring back a partner! Okay, so thats very flippant, but it was probably doomed from day one : serious language barrier, religious barriers, distance, different upbringing and education, different life expectations. I thought we could overcome them, and in part, we did, but the ones we couldnt overcome have been our downfall and we are now on the verge of getting divorced.

I was thinking about this the other day but in relation to my first really serious romance who, after a break of 20 years, I have just got back in touch with. I sometimes wonder what would have happened if we had stayed together as this renewed contact is really quite nice.

OH yes. Without a doubt, we sort of relaxed into eachother with a great sigh of relief, moved in together immediately and nothing much has changed in our attitude to one another. So much has change din our lives, so much, but we just haven't.

Thank you all very much, you are very lovely. ?

I think that's pretty much me. I think my H would be devasted too and I do try to work very hard at making things work. I do love him but it can be very difficult.

? for you GMT.

Bless you, Mrs M! I sometimes think marriage is a very lonely place to be .... it can be very difficult, I do agree .....

I most definitely would but I'm not so sure he would be with me

Mind you since getting married we've had twins and my figured has increased somewhat and I don't seem to have the motivation to do anything about it which does affect me quite a lot and impact on our relationship as well.

However the first date I went on with my now hub I felt very comfortable and I still do, he is my best friend and I love him dearly even if our physical shapes are a little different!

I hope we can continue to be best friends and help each other through the down bits

A resounding WJKS - that pretty much fits me and H to the T ? Not that's not anything you didn't already know ?

The things we talked about the first time we met are all things we're still interested in and/or like to do more of at some point in the future - drinking Guiness, rock climbing, classic cars, politics... - even if they aren't current in our lives.

? for Mrs Magic and everyone else who is sad from this thread.

WJKandZebS

Mr P has taught me not to judge on appearances and 'coolness' but on something else, and I love it.

Although we have 'only' been together coming up on 4 years, so that might change.

? Mogic

What an interesting thread.

Probably says a lot about my current self-esteem that I feel 100% sure that my OH wouldn't have even looked at me twice if he met me now, as I am 3 stone heavier and look like a whale...

On a less superficial note, I think that based on our mindsets and personalities, yes we would certainly get together. Although I don't really know how much I would qualify to answer that question, as we've only been together 4 years...

I've tried retyping several times, but I can't say it any better than JK says it above. I thank my lucky stars every single day that I met Mr K.

? for everyone who is unhappy.

Mrs M ? That makes me sad. You have so much to contend with already and you deserve someone so supportive.

? to all who are struggling.

For us - yes. DaisyDaisy puts it well with 'falling into each other with a sigh of relief'. I adore being family with him and L.

? to all those who need them.

Having thought about this question for a a few minutes I've come to the conclusion that yes I think we would still make it through. We were friends first, really really good friends who fell in love with each other over the course of 6 months or so. So he drives me up the wall but despite our differences, despite the 11 year age gap, despite having different backgrounds underneath were it really counts we're basically very much the same. Over the years we've changed and grown and had different priorities, opinions and values but we've always been able to compromise and work through the difficult bits.

So yes, I can't ever imagine us being apart and if it were now that i was in a car that nearly ran him over i would still go over to see if he's okay, i'd still end up chatting, going for a drink together etc etc.

In a way I am living this question as the ex Mr Sare is coming round on Saturday to discuss whether we have anything that we can salvage of our marriage ,but I have a lot of doubts as to whether we can ever recover from this.

To be honest probably not, not even sure if we were to roll time forwards to now, that we would have met in the same way

Occasionally I think in a similar way to Mrs Magic, some things he has said to me in the past have hurt me a lot but then a lot of things have also made my day, some days Im torn between leaving or staying

Somedays Im not even sure he would be devestated if I did leave which makes it harder for me

somedays he makes up for it more than 1 way

I guess living apart during the week isnt helping matters and things might / should resolve when we are back living together which will be within the month so I withold judgement till then