If you were invited out for a meal..

I would expect to split the bill.

Hmm, I'm not so sure. Whilst I would be happy to split the bill I think there may be the risk that people are expecting you to pay.

I would expect to split the bill too. In fact, if they were family or close friends, I would expect for the birthday person to not have to pay at all.

That's what we do anyway. When we go out for meals for someone's birthday, we pay for them too as a birthday treat. I would never expect the person whose birthday it is to pay for everyone!

I would expect the bill to be split to, but it may be worth clarifying in a subtle way (eg send them a menu and ask if they are happy with the prices)

We went out for a birthday meal last night and the birthday boy's partner paid, but I'd say this is unusual. If it'sfamily, just tell them upfront that that's what you want to do and ask if they're okay with splitting the bill.

Tricky.

We're going out for a meal on my birthday and inviting H's parents and we are intending to pay for them.

We were going to invite all his family for H's last birthday but when we realised we couldn't afford it, we plumped for a buffet at our house instead.

I really don't know what to suggest for this one. You don't want to offend people or embarrass them but at the same time you don't want to get it "wrong" and end up with a bill you can't afford.

Thanks for the opinions guys! Think I will drop some subtle hints though just to make sure.

Just need to come up with a somewhere to go now!

If someone said "let's go out for dinner together", I would assume the bill was to be split.

If someone said "We'd like to take you out for dinner" i would assume they were paying, but still offer to split.

I've just called my mum to ask her opinion and she's not sure. She said she's happy to pay half as his present and I could drop some hints to the in laws and see if they wanted to contribute! Not sure i'd feel comfortable asking them outright but I might just let them know that my parents are helping out and see what they say!

We have been out for family meals for "big" birthdays and the person whose birthday it is has paid. I am thinking of doing this for my 30th in a few weeks time but we can not afford to pay for all meals and drinks (as there are going to be about 15 of us!) so I am going to arrange with the restaurant to pay for the drinks and get the rest of the bill split. It isn't "expected" though that the birthday person pays.

I would definitely be expecting to pay, and probably pay in towards the birthday boy/girl as well.

But so far, none of our friends have been in a position to pay for us all! ?

Whenever I have gone out for peoples birthdays (friends or family) the birthday person has never paid and the bill has been split.

I would expect to pay for sure.

I think it depends on what you all normally do. I know that if we invite any of my family for a meal, they usually expect to be paid for. Again, with some friends, we pay and then they next time they pay etc, and other friends we tend to split it. I think it would be a good idea to make it clear (in advance) what you would like to happen.

If I were "hosting" for want of a better word, I'd expect to pay

If I were a guest however, I'd expect to contribute.

I think to avoid embarrassment you should raise it beforehand.

FWIW, slightly different situ but this year I couldn't face holding a party for my son so we took my sister and her H and their 2 kids and my parents out to Pizza Express and we paid for it. My sis and her H offered to contribute but we said no, it would have been cheaper and involved less mess in my house than a kids' party so we were happy!

Thanks again for all the replies everyone! It's easy enough to tell my family that we can't afford to pay for everyone - and i'll just drop some subtle hints to his family! I'm thinking about maybe doing something in the hotel I work in and getting the chef to work a nice menu out for us so once I know how many will be coming, i can work out cost and then decide for definite. Who knows, maybe the in laws will offer to pay anyway!!

I'd expect to have to pay for our own food/drinks or split the bill equally. I went out for a meal for my 30th with several friends and some family - never occurred to me that they would expect me to pay tbh - they never questioned it when I told them what the meal was going to cost!

After a very disastros 21st birthday where this assumtion cause problems then I think that clarification from the off is v important.

Father was ordering champagne, sagria, mussells and lots of other food then at the end of the meal expected me , his 21 year old daughter to pay for everyone for her birthday eeerrrr no !!!!!!

I would expect everyone to pay for themselves

I would expect to split the bill unless told otherwise.

Thanks again for all the replies! Going to find out at work tomorrow how much of a discount they'll give me and then i'll make a final decision! If everyone lived nearby then I think it would be easier but as all of H's family are down south, we're going to have to invite them up to visit which makes it a bit more awkward as I think we would then be expected to pay. My mum said she'll help out so depending on how many I can get to come up, I might be generous and just start saving up now to pay for it!

H has also now decided he wants an I Touch or something similar as a pressie - not sure wher he thinks i'm getting all the money from! ?

Hi,

For my h2b's 30th we all went out for a meal and everyone paid for themselves. Usually what happens when we have meals with either his friends or mine is we have what we want and the bill is split between everyone. Unless someone objects, then we work out their exact cost and then split the remainder by whoever is left.

Doesn't usually cause a problem.

The only time I actually remember having the meal paid for (other than immediate family or when it's friend and they pay one time, us the next) was my friend's 21st, her rather wealthy dad paid for the whole lot for everything, including bar bill. It made me wish I'd picked a cheaper pasta, even though I knew he could afford it without any problem. ?

PS, if you want people to pay, please just say 'is it ok if we split the bill?' rather than hint. We did this for my Granny's 85th as there was no way we could have paid for everyone going, nobody minded in the slightest.

I would just tell them beforehand how much it's going to cost per person and ask them if it's okay if you all split the bill.

We've always split the bill, but i'd definitely mention it beforehand just to save any awkwardness.

It's not a cheap business is it. Sometimes the organising is far worse.

Depends how you phrase it really...if it is we are thinking of going out for H's birthday you up for it, that would mean to me fancy coming out for a meal and I would be paying my share. If it was we are having a meal for H please do come and join us, that could mean to some you are paying.

Personally I never assume and I would always go with paying my share at least.

I think it just depends on what you're used to.

Like Roobard, if I were hosting a restaurant meal for a special event, I would absolutely expect, and want, to pay, and if I were invited to a 30th, 40th or 50th etc. then I would expect to not pay, but it's totally down to how things operate within your own circle.

I think the fact that you're not quite sure of what the expectations are mean that you think some people WILL expect a freebie, so it's crucial to get things clarified before the event - particularly if people are travelling down especially for it. I'm not sure if I would feel comfortable trying to drop hints to in-laws to foot the bill.. Would there be a problem if they are not able to contribute; might they feel uncomfortable knowing that your parents were going halves on the meal or wouldn't they mind?

If budget is tight can you not perhaps have a small house party instead?

I'm in a predicament at the moment, well it's not much of one cause I think i'm just goint to say something but, my boss asked me out for a meal with an ex work colleague, he invited me so I kind of assume he's going to pay but I'm not 100% sure so I think i'm just going to have to say 'what do I owe you for my meal/ticket'

That's what I do. Some people say "Put your money away!" and others say "It's £10 each" or whatever...

I've been in a situation where I haven't expected to be going out for lunch, so have my sandwiches in the fridge and no money, then found after the meal that I'm expected to pay my share - most embarrassing.