Please help me - I’m looking for advice and have no one to speak to about this.
My boyfriend and I have privately discussed getting married for our 20 year anniversary next year. It’s a secret we haven’t told anyone. He wants to do a surprise proposal before we discuss anything more. So I’m patiently waiting kinda hoping that we’re aiming to get married next November.
However, my friend Joanne has just sent a ‘save to date’ for her wedding to me and my best friend Cait for the same weekend. I haven’t told my best friend Cait I might be getting married even and I’m not ready to because there’s nothing concrete yet. (For context - I’m not super close to Joanne so I’m hoping by the time she sends proper RSVP Invites I’ll actually know what’s happening for me)
I know Cait is going to want to discuss this other friend’s wedding with me… potentially checking I’m definitely going etc. I feel like it’s disrespectful to my partner to discuss our potential plans as we’ve agreed to keep it private for now. However, I don’t want to make false promises that I’ll be attending. I’ve mainly been invited to keep my friend Cait company as her and Joanne are good friends but there’s not many other people Cait will know at the wedding. Also, if I do get married that weekend I would like my best friend Cait at my wedding and I think she’d want to be at mine too…
I feel like my best friend will be mad at me if she’s promising Joanne she’ll be at her wedding and then I end up announcing mine the same weekend. I can see it’s going to put Cait in a really awkward situation. And part of me feels like the right thing to do is just to be honest with Cait now that there’s potentially plans for me to get married that date too…. But like I said if I do that I’m disrespecting my partners wishes to keep this private between us. And he’s not wrong, right now technically there’s nothing to tell. It’s not a guarantee we will get married next year. (I’m just REALLY hoping we are but I can’t talk/push it anymore)
It’s not an option to try and skirt this one - especially with my best friend. She’s either gonna want a “YES I’ll be there!!” And if I’m not enthusiastic she’s gonna want a damn good reason as to why I might not be able to. Like I don’t feel like there’s any other scenario I can play on to say why I might not be able to without spilling any beans..
So my quandary is… What do I do if my best friend Cait and/or Joanne corner me and ask if I’m attending? Do I say yes… and then go back on that if my boyfriend proposes and our plans go ahead? Or do I quietly tell my best friend that I might be getting married too and break my word with my partner? I feel so stuck..
