Invitation drama - are we unfair?

She is being rude. Ignore her and stick to your guns. If she carries on, point out to her how incredibly rude it is to demand an invite to anything. You're either invited or you're not, deal with it.

No I don't think you are being unfair. And if the guest that she will be coming with agrees then IMO you have no issue. He needs to tell her to wind her neck in

If you don't want her there then I think that's fair enough! I think she is being the childish one, not respecting others' decisions when it comes to inviting people to YOUR wedding!

Can she be invited to the evening reception?

You could always tell her you are at now full capacity, and there is nothing you can do.

Has your invited guest tried reasoning with her?

I personally agree with you that if you don't speak or see a person for YEARS, then why invite them to your wedding? I can understand if she was a long lost relative or something, but if we had to invite everyone we hung out with at some point in our lives it would be chaos!!! I have childhood friends that aren't coming to wedding because we just lost contact over the years and no effort was made on either part.

Let her whinge, you can't stop that really I'm afraid. Being a partner of somebody's does not give her automatic 'entitlement' to be invited. My OH has been to 2 weddings of his friends and I was wasn't invited. Did I kick up a fuss? Nope!

Hope she calms down soon, and I doubt her behavior is going to make you want to invite her any more!

I posted something along the same lines of this a few weeks back, and now I understand that I did things that weren't wedding correct!

Apparently I didn't email the couple in question to let them know that due to limits on space, partners will be invited if a space clears, everyone else got this email apart from them so when the seperate invites hit their door matt the *** hit the fan.

Bumped into her while out food shopping and we talked about it all, and walked away happy with eachother and on good terms

Recently got message passed on via 2 people that she's now not coming at all because 'I need to think about what Iv done' ha what Iv done? All I have done is put our family and friends first due to numbers, not a wife Iv only met a couple of times!

I said to her, to Her face that I wasn't invited to her wedding even though my OH was an usher an I didn't bat an eyelid ( this nowales me angry because the drama she's causedoff the back of nt being invited to our whole day only the reception), she's now gone round saying I was invited... So why not say it to my face when we talked things through?

I uderstand you two used to be close as childhood friends but if you have decided to cut costs am have the wedding you can afford, like us, sometimes I think it's rude for people to expect to be invited.

If she's kickin up such a stink and not hearing what your saying to her then I don't think I'd even bother with her any more. No one should dictate to you that tey should be invited.

Hope you get it sorted as I know it's a horrible situation to be in.

You're not being unfair or childish in the slightest. She is being incredibly rude and a total brat.

Stick to your guns and tell her that you don't appreciate being made to feel like a bad person because of the decisions you have had to make. If she was a true friend and deserving of an invite she wouldn't be kicking up a fuss that she isn't invited.

I think the clue to whether or not you're being unfair is in the fact that your invited guest completely understands and is happy to attend by himself. If he doesn't have a problem with your actions, then I don't think you need to worry. She'll just be coming across as an immature little drama queen to everyone she rants at.

We're not getting married until November 2015 but I'm already worrying a bit about this. I can definitely see this happening with us but I can imagine it will be our friends that aren't happy with us not inviting their partners we don't know, rather than their partners being bothered. Pffft!

She sounds like she is being a total brat!!

Glad that everyone has the same opinions, makes me feel more reassured to stick to our guns. The fact that she's acting like this won't help her in getting invited, that's for sure.

In all honesty, if she was to get married, I wouldn't really be bothered if I wasn't invited. I would just congratulate her and hope the best for her.

With her logic I should be inviting my nursery, primary, secondary, college and uni friends who I don't see any more just because of the fact that I was once close to them.

The boyfriend knew from the beginning that it was only him invited and has told his girlfriend but she has kept pestering him about if she's invited.

I'm not sure why she's making drama when she's not even that close with me? It baffles me, it really does.

I think some people just like to make drama because this situation isn't about them, it's about you and your husband to be. Jealousy can sometimes be the cause of things like this.

Chin up, keep going and ignore her... That's what I'm doing now and not even responding to the person causing me unnessisery drama x

So this is the partner of one of your very close friends, and you know her quite well having been childhood friends. It is of course entirely up to you and she is being a bit of a twat but actually I don't understand why she is not invited.

I personally think she should have a little more self respect!! It's a wedding for one day/night not a full holiday or something!

It really angers me!

I actually disagree with most of the posts. I do agree that you should invite who you want, money/numbers are a factor etc etc but I wouldn't dream of inviting someone without their significant other. Assuming they have been together for more than a few weeks that is. I want everyone at my wedding to have the best time ever and to me this means having their partner there. I've loved the weddings I've been to with my fiancé, even if I haven't known the couple that well, as they are very special and romantic occasions. If I was invited to a wedding without my fiancé I'd feel like our relationship wasn't being respected and I can't imagine that I would go. Nor would I be happy if he was invited without me.

If I was your uninvited 'friend' I'd be annoyed too although I wouldn't be slagging you off or arguing with your decision! It would make me a lot less keen to be couple friends in the future though.

I don't mind if she decides to not be "couple friends" as we have never gone out with her as a couple. When I see the boyfriend, it's never with the girlfriend because she doesn't want to meet up. There's no friendship that will be lost between me and her.

If she was a friend wouldn't she have wanted to keep in contact? She hasn't so I think that says a lot really. I don't see why I should have to pay for an old friend I haven't met up with in 17 years and who doesn't bother making any effort to respect our relationship and meet us since she heard of our wedding.

She really isn't as close as you think, more like someone I know of and used to play with as a kid.

No, of course I didn't invite childhood friends that I no longer know, but I did invite everyone's partners. You said to begin with that you wouldn't be inviting +1's if you didn't know them - well you DO know her and from what you say (about seeing her out and about) you still move in the same circles. Plus she is going out with one of your best friends! I dont get it, sorry.

My point wasn't about her being your childhood friend, rather that for me personally I wouldn't invite someone to my wedding without their partner. You in no way need to justify your choices on an online message board but at the same time when you ask for opinions you can't just ignore those that go against the perspective you clearly wanted people to take. It sounds like you've explained your reasons to the girl and her partner is accepting of this so what is there left to do? It's only drama if you get caught up with it

Because she keeps complaining to her boyfriend to keep asking my partner why she isn't invited. The boyfriend doesn't know how to deal with her even though she knows why.

The boyfriend has also told us that he wasn't invited to her families weddings when he hangs out with them and she was not bothered about it.

I personally think if a guest has a long term partner they should be invited. I went to a wedding last week where I had only met the bride and groom twice but OH knew the groom since school. Obviously if I hadn't of been invited I wouldn't of said anything and let OH go alone but I think I would of been a bit upset about it and I think my OH would of been a bit upset if I wasn't invited as I am his fiancée.

Maybe invite her to the evening.

Either way it is your wedding and you can choose who you invite but sometimes u have to see things from the other side

xx

Why does the boyfriend keep telling you what she is saying? Whether he was invited to her family wedding is neither here nor there. It all sounds incredibly childish.

If it helps my cousins who I haven't seen for 5 years (all invited to wedding) showed no interest in my baby and always sh*t stirring with my grandparents have recently asked if their partners could come. Well I went mental of course. I only invited my cousins as a gesture of good will. Anyway my mum and I had a massive argument (can't believe she didn't back me when their mum (her sister) has caused so much anguish for my mum) anyway they are coming to evening do. I've given up caring. Load of f**k wits but I'll just smile and be the bigger person. My sister and brother have since had words with my mum and I think she's realised how wrong she was. Hey ho. Weddings bring out the worst in people

I have the feeling that he wants us to deal with her rather than do it himself or maybe he just wants to stir stuff up. He's like that sometimes.

I know for a fact that he will keep forwarding all her messages until we sort it out or stop her from moaning.

You say ur friend will know everyone at the wedding, as his gf I would assume she also knows everyone but u are inviting plus ones if the guest knows no one? Does that mean you are possibly inviting plus ones u don't know? If she knows mosts of the guests attending then perhaps it does come across a bit off gat she's not invited' especially if she socialises with some of them. How long have they been together?

All the plus one's we have invited we know, we get on with them and see them regularly. The ones who were given a plus one are the ones who will know only me and my partner at the wedding. They are single and have told us that they will be coming alone since they don't want to invite anyone.

She doesn't socialise with any of the guests we are inviting and my partner isn't friends with any of the boyfriends other friends so it's nothing to do with that. We aren't in the same social circle, if that's what you're asking. My partner only sees the boyfriend and that's it.

I'm not sure exactly how long they have been together. Probably for half a year? It wasn't a serious relationship in the beginning because they weren't exclusive until few months back.

She is the one who is being rude and childish. Why should you have to justify who you do or don't invite to your wedding?!

My daughter made a massive fuss about not being invited to someone's party when most of her friends were......when she was 4. I sat her down then and explained about limited numbers, inviting the poeple whom you actually get on with and basic good manners about invitations. She never did it again.

It sounds as if your friend's girlfriend's parents never had the 'good manners' talk with her. Ignore.

I agree with this. If my fiance got an invite to a wedding where I knew the couple and I wasn't invited then I'd be pissed off tbh. I'm inviting partners to our wedding that I barely know but in would be rude not to.

So maybe he doesn't actually understand or agree with your decision and wants you to just invite her? If he keeps on about it, it sounds to me that he's not as ok with it as he's making out.

I know it's completely up to you who you invite to your wedding and if you don't want her there, don't have her. But if it was me in her position I'd be a little p'd off. I've never been to a wedding where my other half hasn't been welcome too, nor have I been missed off the invite list when he's been invited anywhere. I'm surprised that a few people have replied to you that this has happened to them. I hope you manage to get it sorted out x

She sounds intense! I'm confused as to why she is not talking to you directly? Does she not have your number? It all sounds a bit weird... The boyfriend is also behaving like a 4 year old.

Do you have capacity to add her as an evening guest to keep the peace?

I think you are perfectly within your right not to invite her if you don't want her there. If possible I'd give her an evening invite and say that there may be a day invite if someone drops out. She'll never know whether or not you had drop outs. That'll shut her up and leave you to get on with things without this drama.

The person who is causing the most trouble here is the boyfriend - there is absolutely no need for him to be relaying her comments to you and actually it is pretty rude not only to you but also to her - we all like to moan a bit to our partners but I would be horrified if that then got passed on. It is almost as if he is 'taking sides' with you over her, which is beyond weird. I agree with the poster above who suggested that perhaps he ISN'T happy about it and that's why he keeps *** stirring.

If you are intent on not inviting her (and as I said I don't understand why you wouldn't) I would explain to him that you won't be budging and ask him to keep his domestic issues to himself.

The person who is causing the most trouble here is the boyfriend - there is absolutely no need for him to be relaying her comments to you and actually it is pretty rude not only to you but also to her - we all like to moan a bit to our partners but I would be horrified if that then got passed on. It is almost as if he is 'taking sides' with you over her, which is beyond weird. I agree with the poster above who suggested that perhaps he ISN'T happy about it and that's why he keeps *** stirring.

If you are intent on not inviting her (and as I said I don't understand why you wouldn't) I would explain to him that you won't be budging and ask him to keep his domestic issues to himself.

I just love these post when people imply they can only have a good time if their partners are there...

I went to a wedding last year October where my fiancée wasn't invited... I didn't bat an eyelid! I went had a good time and he joined me for the evening reception. I was with a group of colleagues who significant others and fiancées also weren't invited!

we had a good time then when the partners came the dynamics of evening changed a lot.

my friend was really nervous inviting me because she didn't know how is react! That annoyed me more than anything! I was planning a wedding myself and knew all to well just how expensive it all was! I was more than grateful she'd invited me to the whole day when in all honesty I was only expecting an evening invite.

Personally myself a couple are engaged or married I would never invite one with out the other... However for my wedding I didn't invite boyfriends/girlfriends if we didn't know them. No one complained at least not to me...

i invited my friend with her husband and she was surprised as she knew I was tight with numbers and didn't think he'd be invited to the whole day!

now I'm married I guess I'd take a different view if my husband received an invite somewhere that excluded me and visa versa.

your friends girlfriend needs to get over it...

This ^^

If they are an established couple, I don't understand why you wouldn't invite her. I have met the bms wife twice and both times since we started the wedding planning but I wouldn't dream of not inviting her. We have at least two couples coming where I have only met one half and people who my h2b has never met. IMHO, time knowing each other is irrelevant anyway but you don't ignore plus ones if they are established couples.

I think It's so crazy there has to be so many rules, stress and you have to do it this way or that way.

It's YOUR wedding! It drives me mad when I think about it. If I always hung out with a group of girls just us girls then I was invited to a wedding in that group without partners to me that would be completely normal!! Why change things for the sake of a wedding??

I honestly think weddings can really overly complicate things sometimes when they don't need to!