Invites out....family fall out already :-(

This is your (and your HTB's) day. If you start to let one thing go, what next.. I had to bite the bullet and stick to my guns, knowing full well I would upset certain family members. But you cannot let people hold you to ransom.

If it was me - Call her/his bluff, tell them you said no babies and if they aren't going to come because they have changed their mind, that is their loss.

Say to your cousin "I'm sorry you feel that way, I would have loved to have shared my day with you, you'll be missed on the day"

Manipulative beech!

We decided right at the start that we were only having close family children at the wedding as if we invited all our cousins kids and friends kids there would be 27 under 7 year olds at the wedding.

Now, some people would love this, but this is my (and H2B's) idea of hell, as neither of us want a screaming child joining in our vows. My H2B's uncle has been remarried and his stepchildren have been invited to the wedding but his stepdaughter has recently had a baby who we have not invited. We haven't had a response yet and we're pretty sure its because he is waiting for us to say the baby is invited too... not gonna happen.

similarly a friend of ours text and asked if it was ok if she could bring her baby despite us saying no kids 'beause she has known me years and its only her baby' as if it wouldn't open the floodgates for everyone saying 'well why say yes to her and not me'.... again, not going to happen.

This is your day, you get to say what you do and don't want and if people are going to be petty thats their choice. I'm fairly sure leaving their 1 year old for 1 days isn't too big a drama or too big an ask and she is making a mountain out of a molehill.

Luckily for us most of our family and friends have relished the idea and love the thought of a day out without their kids.

Stick to your guns hun, this is about you and your H2B and what you want - noone else!

I'd go for 'oh thats a shame, we'll miss you' and let them know their (possible) bluff hasn't worked! xx

Stick with what you want. I do feel for you. My sister has 3 kids, I really don't want kids at the wedding but was prepared to make an exception as they are close family. But...our wedding is on a Friday, her eldest is 8 and it would mean him missing an afternoon of school. This has caused nuclear fallout, with her having a diva tantrum, we have only planned it for a Friday to inconvenience her apparently, there is no way she can come, it will ruin his education to take him out of school...as it is stands she is refusing to come. Families huh?

Thank you everyone. Least i know im not being unreasonable. She is now saying i am asking her to choose between her kids by only bringing her older child to the wedding!!!

He will be 5 months old and isnt exactly going to remember the wedding thats why i only wanted the older kids there. If i let everyone bring all the kids i would have half my wedding as kids. They are all invited to the night time but just not the daytime. Thought was doing her favour as well as she can have the afternoon off and have a drink and relax at the wedding but this is the thanks i get

I am sticking to my guns, but i am now waiting for the next fall out from this. Hopefully they all say they wouldnt come and we can just run away and get married instead lol :-)

Some people believe that weddings are family affairs and cannot imagine one without children. Others would prefer a more grown up elegant or lairy affair. It's your wedding so choose whomever you like.

Similarly every guest has the right to decline: it's an invitation not a summons!

Our local school is rigorously enfocing the new laws regarding taking children from school in term time so a missed afternoon for a wedding would cost us a fine of £120 for each child (£60 per parent per child).

An exclusively breast fed child (up to 6 months) cannot be separated from their mother for more than a couple of hours. These things are irrefutable, but it is still up to you whether you make exceptions to your guest list.

Definitely stick to your guns. Some people won't be separated from their babies (I appreciate some can't due to breastfeeding), but if you've made it clear that children aren't invited, well that's their choice if they can't come.

Just to play devils advocate here but she could still be breastfeeding him if he's only 5 months meaning she can't leave him. Also, it's not really 'time off' for her if her older son is there.

However, she is clearly reacting badly to all this. If it's such a problem surely she could politely tell you that they'll attend evening only when children are invited?! I don't understand why she kicking up a fuss about who is/isn't invited to the ceremony. It's lovely that you want her there but if she's unable to make the ceremony then it's just unfortunate!

Luckily we have been told its only £30 fine to take my partners 8 year old out of school for the wedding as we are getting married on the Friday. My son is only 3 so nursery is fine with him missing the day. I have told people whos kids are invited they will be fined so its up to them if they come but we will not be paying the fine

yeah as you say its an invite and no one has to come, in a way im hoping no one brings the kids so it can be an all adult affair like we orginally hoped it would be :-)

I know very little about schools, but I looked on my nephew's school website and their policy says they will authorise an absence for a close family wedding. So my sister has no excuse for that, as it doesn't look like they would charge a fine in that case!

I know the new breast-feeding mothers coming to my wedding all have plans involving breast pumps, lol.

We are having a no-children wedding. Those friends who have had new babies since the invites went out (there are 3 of them) - I actually had a chat with them separately and said they'd be welcome to bring their babies, but we would ask them to wait in the reception lounge during the ceremony, as we didn't want babies fussing during it.

The ceremony is for me and my husband-to-be, and civil ceremonies can sometimes be only 15 minutes long. I didn't think it was rude to ask them to sit and sup a cup of tea in the lounge for 15 minutes. My wedding, my [polite] choice.

All 3 have decided they would rather have the grandparents babysit and have a day off. Hence the breast pumps....

Edit: None of this is probably very helpful to you though, lol. But it might help others who are considering this whole babies-at-wedding issue.

BUT, I think in your position, I'd suggest to the lady in question that she takes the day 'off' to relax, and leaves both children with a babysitter. Indeed, bringing the one child and not the other might be a little odd for her. Again, breast pump to the rescue!

Our school doesn't class aunts as close family: only siblings and parents. This includes funerals too. It may be that your nephew's school is similar or that your sister is unaware of the exceptions.

Slightly off on a tangent here but we attended a wedding with our 5 month old. It was in a church and as soon as the bell ringing start she wailed. I watched the wedding from a soundproof crèche area in the church! I still felt part of the day and it didn't matter when my daughter was vocal through babbling, crying etc. It also meant I could sing to my hearts content and only my daughter had to put up with it!

Thank you. She isnt breastfeeding her baby so it isnt a problem for her, shes just being plain awkward and trying to change our plans. My partners whole family are like that...i havent a clue what im marrying into lol :-(

Thank you for the school info about charges, i just assumed we would be charged for my partners daughter being out of school for our wedding. Now ill get him to call them and find out if they will authorise an absense for her dads wedding. Great stuff :-)

I will have to do that as well - my 2 are 250 odd miles away from me and I need to get them on the Friday (day before wedding) - that is if the ex will allow them to come ☹️

I would NOT recommend this. If she doesn't want to leave her baby, that's her decision. A suggestion from you that she should relax isn't going to help things. Whilst I can't think of anything worse than having to look after a five month old during a wedding, she may not be able to relax knowing that her baby is with a babysitter.

All you can do is make it clear to her that you are not changing your stance, so if she decides that she won't come without baby, that's a shame, but you're not changing anything because of her decision.