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Dedicated October 2022 East London

Inviting family you barely see or speak to

Ebony, 13 February, 2021 at 18:32 Posted on Planning 0 12
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I now understand why people elope or have micro weddings!

In the midst of planning a small wedding in seville, we figured we want a small wedding so why not get married in a city we love. Relations with my maternal aunt, cousin, uncle and my paternal cousins isn't great and I personally don't care if I don't see them again (the death of my grandparents, wills and shitty family dynamics has caused me to withdrew from what I deem a toxic family). Issue is my mother, the eternal peacekeeper thinks I should invite them even though she acknowledges they probably won't come. I completely understand why she thinks I should invite them and I agree to a certain extent but my issue is if they do turn up I'm essentially paying for them to have a good time and I don't particularly want to talk to them let alone share what is meant to be one of the happiest days of my life. Its such a waste of money that could be spent on an open bar for people we love. I haven't mentioned it to my fiancé as he's furious with them and wouldn't want them there.
Opinions much appreciated please.

12 replies

Latest activity by RomanticGreenStationery27135, 15 February, 2021 at 16:17
  • R
    Genius July 2020 Monmouthshire
    RomanticGreenStationery27135 ·
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    1) You don't care if you never see them again

    2) They probably won't come anyway

    3) Your fiance will be furious at the idea of inviting them

    Three very good reasons NOT to invite - and I'm not seeing any good reasons for inviting them.

    You want to be surrounded by those who love you and wish you well on your wedding day, not by people who are antagonistic toward you. These people aren't even close relatives (parents, siblings) and since your wedding is small, it would be natural not to invite them even if your relationship with them were better.

    Will it make either you or your fiance happy to look up from saying your vows and see those faces? If not, don't invite.

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  • Bethanie
    Curious March 2023 South West London
    Bethanie ·
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    I wouldn't invite them. It's about who you'll want to make conversation with and who you want to remember there. Think about looking back at your pictures with people you don't particularly care about. I understand it's hard as I've gone through the same struggles and thoughts. But it's about you and what you will look back on, not etiquette and other people's opinions.
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  • Claire
    Curious September 2022 Aberdeen & Deeside
    Claire ·
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    I’m in a similar situation with my dads family, I’m still in two minds about inviting my cousins, but all hell will break loose if I don’t invite their parents - my dad doesn’t want them there. They almost never speak to me, so I have stopped trying. I don’t see the point in inviting people who honestly don’t care about me properly. It’s so damn expensive.


    Ultimately, it’s your day. Can you trust everyone to behave? Is having them there going to cause someone major upset? How much effort do they put in to see you, make up, speak to you?
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  • L
    Leicestershire
    Lis ·
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    Let me make this easy for you.

    You and your fiance dont get on with them, so, dont invite them

    Stand up to them and dont let them walk all over you

    Its not your Mothers day, its yours, if she wants to see them,she can go round after the wedding and show them the photos

    A wedding is not the time to mend/restore family dynamics. That sounds like it should have happenned a long time ago, it didn't/it probably wont, so move on.

    I have not been invited to several relatives weddings recently. I get on with them, its more about who they want to celebrate with. I still send a card and a small gift, or I club together with others not going and we send a larger one.

    Its costly to invite all and sundry, the line has to be drawn somewhere.

    Good luck, the line is drawn.

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  • E
    Dedicated October 2022 East London
    Ebony ·
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    You're right, it's definitely not the time to mend family dynamics, it's probably the worst time in hindsight.
    I think my mums rationale was to ensure extended family don't speak ill of me for not inviting them despite their behaviour but we both agreed we don't actually want them there. My fiancé and I would rather spend the extra money on making it extra special for people we love!
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  • E
    Dedicated October 2022 East London
    Ebony ·
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    They put in minus zero effort and just cause drama everywhere they go so no, we won't be spending money on people who don't care if we're dead or alive.
    Gosh that was easy!
    Have you decided what you'll do? If your cousins are adults and just haven't bothered to make the effort to stay in contact with you why spend hard earned money on them? So what if they're parents don't like it, if they have an issue with it it's none of you're business.
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  • E
    Dedicated October 2022 East London
    Ebony ·
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    Yes, we've decided not to invite them. I'd hate to see them in my wedding pics knowing they don't really care about me or my family.
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  • E
    Dedicated October 2022 East London
    Ebony ·
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    My fiancé would be pretty pissed, especially since we've attended all their family gatherings and never once made an effort for any of our family gatherings.
    Thanks for the advice.
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  • Claire
    Curious September 2022 Aberdeen & Deeside
    Claire ·
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    I’m probably not going to invite them, they are roughly my age, both married, I went to their weddings in better times.


    It really is about having the nearest & dearest there isn’t it! Who is supportive ❤️ Those who aren’t can jog on ?
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  • E
    Dedicated October 2022 East London
    Ebony ·
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    Family dynamics change all the time and if they're all adults they can suck it up and not complain to their parents. Then they can see the pics of your fabulously happy wedding and wish they were there.
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  • Bethanie
    Curious March 2023 South West London
    Bethanie ·
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    Its a really hard thing to do. And I can see how you care so much for other people. Youre really brave and strong for making that decision.
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  • R
    Genius July 2020 Monmouthshire
    RomanticGreenStationery27135 ·
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    We caused family uproar by inviting one aunt & uncle and not the other! But we see the one aunt and uncle multiple times every year while I haven't seen the others for 4 years and they have repeatedly declined offers to meet 'because we'd rather spend time with our immediate family'. Sorry, but we were not interested in having anyone at our wedding who couldn't be bothered to stay in touch with us at any other time and who showed no interest in meeting my OH.

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