inviting guests to ceremony and evening do but not meal?

I've seen it done before and it not go down well......

needs the help of our diplomatic hitchers methinks. not one for me to tackle- but best of luck hun! xxx

I don't think I would like getting ready early, going to the ceremony then sitting around all day until the evening. But then some people may not mind, and will happily go somewhere local for some dinner and drinks before heading back for the reception. I think your best bet may be speaking to people individually, rather than putting something that will likely be misconstrued on your invitation

Just a thought but if it is a worry on cost rather than a worry on numbers - could you ask for everyone (family included) to pay for their evening meal? You may have to splash out initially but you'd get the payment back - but this might mean you won't have a gift as well?

Just a thought - good luck with finding a solution that works for you xx

I say invite them to the evening only x

Its quite common in a big church wedding, so I dont see a problem.

BUT the only way you can really do it is to invite them to the evening and then put on their invites they are welcome to the ceremony too. However you really can't expect them to come.

A friend recently got married in a big church and quite a few evening guests came to the ceremony too

I think inviting to the evening do and then saying they are welcome to come to the ceremony is the only vaguely polite way to do this. If guests are local they may do this, or if there's plenty to do/other places to eat nearby, but if it's a country house hotel in the middle of nowhere they probably won't have tonnes of fun sitting around hungry while everyone else takes over the venue's catering!

I actually went to a ceremony + evening wedding the weekend before last - church ceremony at 2.30, then H and I went for afternoon tea while the wedding breakfast was going on, then back for the evening reception. It was lovely!

Personally I'm not sure I would go to a ceremony at a venue and then come back later (might be different if its down the road or I have to work in the afternoon etc).

Its different if the ceremony is at church and then the evening bit somewhere else. I have done that several times (and there were even people just at the ceremony, but not the wedding breakfast or evening reception)- On the invite to one of them they put- "X&Y request the pleasure of the company of..... at an evening reception to celebrate their wedding on.... Evening guests are also welcome at the wedding ceremony. (ceremony at noon followed by tea & cakes)"

One way to cut costs but be able to invite more people to the meal- rather than have a sit down meal, have a buffet or something like a hog roast?!

I dont think it would go down well. It certainly wouldnt with me. I also dont think you can ask people to pay for their own evening meal, thats ludicrous to me! In my opinion if i want someone there enough to see us get married, i want them to join us for the wedding breakfast too. If money is an issue i would just invite them to the evening.

Church ceremony fine - civil ceremony not fine - sorry.

Exactly this.

This!

I'd find that a little odd for an all-in-one-venue tbh.

Like it's been said above, the only way is to send an evening invitation - really clearly saying evening - and put a thing in about being welcome at the ceremony.

As an evening guest, I wouldn't pop along to the ceremony as well, as I'd feel really strange about not being invited to the meal in between. I guess it is different if it's in a church in a village, and you only live across the road from it so can just 'pop' in.

You ask what we would do in your situation.... Since you've clearly not booked the venue ("I was looking to have the wedding all at one venue") I'd re-write my guest list to be the 40 non-negotiable family, plus 20 non-negotiable friends (or however many) and choose my venue and catering arrangements based on that total number.

Definitely this! OH and I were invited to a wedding a couple of years back where we were invited to the church and the evening reception but not the meal. It wasn't worded clearly on the invite as it said what time the ceremony was followed by evening details rather than being an evening invite with a polite note saying that we could come to see the ceremony if we wished to. I have to admit I was really disappointed when I realised especially because I'd asked for a day off work thinking we were invited to the whole day. Plus the wedding wasn't local so we would have been sitting around in a strange town for hours! In the end I cancelled my day off and we just went to the evening...

We're getting married on a small budget, but have large families and a number of friends we want to share the day with. We've worked around it by having the ceremony late in the afternoon (3.45), followed straight away by an evening reception where a buffet will be laid on for all the guests. We put something in the invitations about there not being a sit down meal due to the timings, and that we'd therefore recommend people eat lunch before the wedding. It's all worked out pretty well I think - we're having 100 guests at our wedding, but keeping costs right down.

SunnyOrange, thats a fab idea!

Sorry, it's not a realistic option.

The way I see it you have two choices

1 Move the ceremony to a church and mention to evening guests that they are welcome to attend the church service if they wish

2 Change the ceremony time to later, eg 4pm, and go straight into the evening do. That way, you save the cost of a sit down meal and can afford to have a big buffet for everyone in the evening.

This ^^ I am thinking this is a possibility that way I can just invite anyone and not worry too much about costs. I was thinking maybe do it for around 3pm, followed by canapés and drinks while photos are going on and then a big spread to follow x

You would have to check all the details with a fine tooth comb if you decide to have the ceremony later with a buffet. Our venue charges the same price per head for a buffet as for a sit down meal if you don't have both. I agree with the others, you're kind of stuck because you couldn't split the guests without causing issues and it would be quite awkward asking people to pay for their meal. I totally get why it's hard! Good luck finding a solution.

OP - not sure when you're getting married or if you've given notice yet - if you have then you need to factor that in as you would have to give notice again if you're arrangements change. Just something to bear in mind. I am guessing this isn't an issue yet though.

Working to any budget is hard but you can do it. You just need to work out where you can/will compromise and where you can't/won't and work from there. You do need to be aware that if you're having your venue dressed then you would incur charges for the extra chairs and the venue might not let you have extra chairs for the ceremony and then not provide a meal.

Yes you could arrange to get married latre in the day and just do one buffet meal but as has been said, you'd need to check with the venue what that would do to the costs as it might not make much difference. You might need/want to shop around for other venues as some are more flexible than others. Really depends where you are in the planning process. If you've already stareted to tell people what, when and where etc then I'd be inclined to just accept that you can't invite everyone to the ceremony and just invite them to the evening reception.

People do understand that numbers are limited and I would just say that to people when the conversation allows. Saves any hassle and it's just how it is. Otherwise you're going to end up tying yourself, and your guests, in knots.

This is something I definitely considered, but my family and OH said it was a horrible idea. My reasons were the same as yours - it coming down to affording to pay for their meal.

In the end what we've compromised on is that those people will get formal evening invitations. Then as and when we see them, we will informally mention that they are more than welcome to the church if they have the time/are in the area - pretty much all of my side lives in the same town so it wouldn't be a huge hassle to walk up to the church. If you have everything in one place though, I think I would feel a bit weird attending a wedding and then leaving while others stay. At a church wedding for example, everyone leaves the church together so it isn't as obvious, if that makes sense.

As others have said it would be fine for a church wedding but not ok for a ceremony at your venue, it would make it awkward having to effectively shoo your non-day guests away once the ceremony was over. As others have said a later ceremony with only one meal might be a good option for you, its what we are doing too. But just check with your venue, Im not sure what day you plan to get married but some venues have a "minimum spend", especially if it is on a Saturday.

We did this and it wasnt problem! We sent out the evening invitations and wrote something like 'If you are free at 12pm we weould love to see you at the ceremony at X venue.'

That way we felt we werent specifically inviting them to church and evening only, but just saying they had an evening invite but if they wanted to look in at the ceremony they could.

A church ceremony is open to anyone, invited or not. In my area, you'd quite often see neighbours, or friends of the parents who are not invited to ay part of the day at all, pop in to "watch" the wedding.

At my sister's wedding, all of her colleagues were invited to the evening, but they dressed up, came to the ceremony, then got a minibus to a few different pubs on the way to the evening do and had a whale of a time! As long as it's made abundantly clear to people, then I don't see a problem even with an all in one venue, as long as there's somewhere else to go in the interim.

Don't invite the children?

its just a thought, are they family you want there or are they friends kids you feel you have to invite?

With a church ceremony you can do this, anyone can come to the church, with a civil ceremony you can't just tell people to go away again.