Inviting guests to Ceremony, Reception but not the Wedding Breakfast...?

Personally I wouldn't..... I would feel embarrassed inviting guests to the ceremony, but not the wedding breakfast. To me, it's like saying I want you attend my ceremony, but I don't value you enough to pay for dinner for you.... even if that's not the intention, which I'm sure it isn't, that's to me how it would seem.

I'm sure I will be in the minority with this view though, and others will tell you it's fine.

I went to a wedding like this! We ordered pizza at the hotel room , we stayed for a nibble and drink though x

Easy it happends all the time, you just invite them to the eve do, and say that you are welcome to come to the church to see that if they are not busy, and make a fuss of getting a photo with them at the church

Is the ceremony and reception all at the same venue? If so i would be a bit miffed it I had to attend a ceremony at a venue then go off somewhere and entertain myself to come back again for the reception.

This!

I have been invited to a ceremony and evening reception before, I'd have had to take a day off work due to the time of the ceremony and then sit twiddling my thumbs until 8pm. I declined the ceremony invite but attended the evening reception.

A friend did this and it was fine, you just have to be very explicit and up front on the invitation, she invited some of us to the ceremony and reception only and we went and had a dinner at a local pub in between

I agree with Bill, formally invite them to the evening reception and casually say that if they are free they are very welcome to come to the church. It's what people may do anyway, even if you don't invite them.

Definitely make it very clear! At one wedding I went to, one of the guests was only invited to ceremony + evening do, but misinterpreted her invite and then started to get really concerned and asking awkward questions when she realised she wasn't on the table plan for the wedding breakfast. The B&G were so nice that they didn't feel they could turn her away, so had to rapidly find an extra seat for her - she never found out about the faux pas but it was pretty stressful for those in the know.

I think inviting people to the evening and then saying they are welcome at the ceremony earlier is the best way to do things.

This would be my worst nightmare! I would be totally mortified if that was one of my guests.

A family member did this a few years back, and I personally didn't think it worked well. At one point, my OH was going to the wedding breakfast, but I wasn't and I was really worrying about what I was going to do for those hours - but they added me on last minute. Personally, if I was invited like this I wouldn't go to the ceremony as it would mean I'd get all dressed up for an hour and then sit around for so many hours twiddling my thumbs. Much easier, to just go somewhere and stay there.

I wouldn't want to put a guest in that position. So as has been said, I'd issue an evening invite only but in passing offer - if they're free - for them to come along for the ceremony too.

I think it would depend on who they were and where the ceremony was

If it was a friend having it nearby I would go home and entertain myself with something. However if I had trekked half way across the country with a hotel room etc I would be miffed.

Any way of going for cheaper options so you can have everyone at all?

I wouldn't do it. I would just offer an evening invite if that was the situation I was considering. I just think its cheeky and a bit arquad for the guests.

I have, however it works for us. Our wedding is at a local church so those evening guests can do what they like after. Nobody will be travelling and be bored. I have worded their invte with we invite you to the ceremony at church at time, then later for the evening reception at 7pm at venue. But with more detail obvs. Personally I think if they want to come they will come, and if they want to get upset about it thats their problem. We're all grown ups and csn make our own decisions about work etc. Its about the wedding not the cost of the meal. The wedding is the part I wouldnt exclude anybody from.

My friend was telling me yesterday about a wedding she'd been to where someone did this but wasn't very clear and there was huge confusion on the day and a lot of people who thought they were going to the whole thing had to be turned away from the breakfast... So if you do it just be very clear, but if you will worry about it on the day or feel bad when people have to go away and come back then it's not worth it you need to be able to relax and enjoy it all!

Edited for spelling! Stupid iPad!

I've been to a close friends wedding like this - and I wasn't offended.

I was part of a group, and I knew the predicament of if you invite one you have to invite everyone.

I was delighted that I was able to see her marry, and welcomed back for the evening.

We had some welcome drinks with them after the ceremony then left whilst they sat down for their meal.

For my friend, it wasn't a case of funding though, it was that they had picked an intimate venue and could only have around 40 people for their meal so family only.

I think I may have been a bit more put out if I knew there was room but they didn't want me there because of the money I would have cost, if I'm honest.

This. Are you getting married at a church? If you are then people who wnat to come and see the ceremony will do anyway

I'm interested in this thread as we are limited on numbers for the meal (both space and money). I had a different view in that guests will be travelling and by attending the service (church is massive) it makes the trip a bit more worthwhile. My Bms have done this many times and say they just go off for lunch somewhere in between. I think I'll give it as an option but wouldn't be offended if ppl choose just to come to the evening.

the main reason my mum didn't go to a cousins wedding. I think it'll offend people more from our parents generation as well as some from our own.

This is what we did. Sent them an evening invitation, and then put at the bottom that if they were free and wanted to come to church we would be delighted to see them. Some did, some didnt. Some specifically asked before the invites went out if they could. However, all the people it applied to were local and could go home between times . I wouldnt have done this if they needed to travel, those that needed to travel more than half an hour were invited to the whole thing.

Thanks for all the replies - a very mixed bag...

A couple of points:

The room in which the meal is to be held can only accommodate 70 people so it is physically impossible to invite any more to the wedding breakfast.

The church is a few hundred yards from the reception venue so those who are not invited to the wedding breakfast will see the invited guests wandering off to eat ☹️

The ceremony/reception only invitations don't apply to family or close friends, mainly former colleagues, friends from uni days etc. (some of whom have expressed an interest in coming to the actual ceremony). We wouldn't dream of expecting elderly relatives to traipse around Cambridge all afternoon!

Everyone, friends and family alike, will have to travel on the day - My elderly Mother in Law to be is in poor health and lives near Hull, My elderly father is in poor health and lives in London. We have UK guests coming from Hastings, Cheltenham, London, Cottingham and everywhere in between! We chose Cambridgshire as it was almost equidistant for both of our families to get to and meant that nobody had a 6 hour commute to the church.

The ceremony should finish around 14.30 but the reception will start at about 19.30 - That's 5 hours between to two!

I think what we'll do is send evening invitations but mention (to a chosen few) that they are welcome to attend the ceremony if they wish. We'll also chat with people before the invitations go out, just so that they will know what to expect. That way it can be their decision whether or not to attend the ceremony or just turn up for the evening do.

Everyone who know us will know that we're hoping to buy a house next year and will understand that money is tight. No disrespect but if they take offence it's just tough! People who care about us would much rather we spend our money building a future rather than entertaining people we hardly see from one year to the next....

Many thanks,

Melissa

I'm kind of going to do this. I'm having a church wedding in my hometown - a large percentage of our guests live here so it's a small town so doesn't take long to get anywhere. For people who I can't afford/fit to have to the meal and who are invited to the reception, they are more than welcome to come to the church - like someone else said, that's the part I wouldn't want to exclude anyone from. However I'm not planning to put this on any invites as like a lot of people in this thread have said, some people might not 'agree' with doing it that way. I plan to just let people know when talking to them they are more than welcome to pop down - this is why I mentioned it's a small town, it would be easy for them to just pop to the church and then go back home until the evening reception. I don't see it as offensive and the people I've mentioned it to don't either. To be honest in a church you can't stop them so if people wanted to see the ceremony technically I guess they could come whether you invited them or not.

We've seen this a few times at church weddings - if some of your evening reception guests are local they'll no doubt be keen to see you actually marry as well. If it's because you're limited on numbers then that's fair enough. If you do this though make sure you're really clear with people - we've seen venues have to hurriedly arrange extra chairs for the meal when guests have got the wrong end of the stick and think they're invited to the whole thing....

I'd suggest sending out the evening invites with no mention of the ceremony in the actual invite, and then just mentioning that they're welcome to come to the church as well verbally or closer to the date of the wedding. That way it's less likely to cause confusion ?

We did this and it worked fine - Church wedding, so numbers at the church weren't an issue - and it mostly applied to OH's work who were relatively local - in the end one of the members of staff who lived in the town we were getting married in had a BBQ for the gap, but there were plenty of pubs/restaurants etc available.

We included both on the invite with "feel free to come to either or both in the info sheet" which worked well as some people came just to the ceremony and others just to the evening as fit in best with their plans and inclinations - for some the ceremony is the most important bit, for others its the party!

We're going to have guests that attend the ceremony and evening reception but not the wedding breakfast. I think people (I mean in general, not just on here) need to remember that it is the ceremony which is the most important part not the food. I would feel honoured to be invited to anyone's ceremony even if not the wedding breakfast. Obviously some common sense needs to come into play and those travelling a long way need to be accommodated but for those who are local I see no issue. I've been to several weddings like it and never been offended.

I'm having a church wedding and have guest who are only invited to ceremony and evening reception... And I've been invited to many wedding where other couple have done this!

I don't see anything wrong with it at all!

Personally I'd think it perfectly fine, as long as the invite was explicit in the explanation - you could even say it is due to space limitation. I think you'd have to be a very odd bird to be put out at a wedding you were attending......

One possible solution to this conundrum is don't invite them to the ceremony, instead see if your videographer can do a same day edit - they project a short edit around the time of the first dance, that includes ceremony excerpts and speech excerpts, so those who weren't present will still feel they have seen it and been a part of it. Some people only have a videographer just for this purpose.

We're having a church wedding and only having about 20 family members attending then 30 or so to reception.
I'm not inviting anyone to the church who can't have a meal but because I know everyone going will be travelling a small bit and don't want them having to entertain themselves for hours, however you'll know your guests best and know which bits they'll want to see & the ones that probably won't be offended.
For me personally if I was attending a wedding and was given the option, it would depend on a lot of things..if it was local, if there was a group of us and how close I was to the couple getting married but mostly i'd say i'd just attend the reception. At first I thought it'd be really cheeky to ask them to the church but not wedding breakfast, but if there are some guests who would really like to see you both getting married and they're willing to entertain themselves for a few hours then I suppose it's up to them and at least you've gave the option? As i say I wouldn't do it personally but it's your big day so completely your n OH decision xx