Inviting partners we don't know/haven't met?!

The old etiquette used to be that you should invite any partners who were engaged or married - now that many people make a conscious choice not to marry, even if they've been together for years, it's harder to know where to draw the line, but as a general rule, a 'long term' partner should be invited along with your guest.

Of course, you can invite whoever you want to your wedding, just be prepared for a higher than usual number of people declining if you invite them without their partner, especially if they will be travelling a long way to the wedding.

As an alternative, could you rethink your guest list? It suggests that you are not in touch with some of your guests very often if you've never met their long-term partners - could you perhaps cut some of these people that you don't know so well?

So we went with inviting partners (engaged, married or not) as we felt it was the right etiquette to do so. We had a much smaller wedding though.


I think it was the right thing to do as I'd expect it in return. I hadn't met a good few of the partners and, unfortunately, I found the majority of the ones I hadn't met before extremely rude (they didn't come up to me once throughout the day nor to say thank you / goodbye at the end). The "unknown" partners tend to gravitate towards one another I've come to find.
It's a tricky one to navigate but hopefully this response helps!

We didn’t invite anyone we hadn’t both met before to the wedding & we have absolutely no regrets. Also we didn’t have any declines as a result of no +1’s either. I will say most of our guests were in groups anyway, except those we had as couple friends, and so the no +1 didn’t affect us that much. It did help though with cutting out a lot of the family that we don’t see/speak to (not because of drama just we’re all very spread out over the UK) so it meant we could have the smaller wedding we wanted and it was a fairly easy rule to remember - no-one we hadn’t both met before.
It’s a hard line to balance, but it’s easier to pick a rule and stick with it. Also your cousins will all have each other, so it’s not like they’ll be sat on their own if their partner isn’t there.

We only invited partners if we they were married. If they weren’t, either one of us had to be close to them or have seen them a lot..
my husband’s cousin was in a relationship for 5 years but we’d met him 3 times and didn’t know him well at all. We only invited him to the evening.

His auntie kicked off a bit but nothing they could do, we weren’t fussed if his cousin didn’t come because of it. We’ve found the people you want to bump to the evening, you wouldn’t be that close to them anyway so they’re unlikely to say anything. You can’t please everyone and you just have to put yourself and your numbers first. Be strict and do what you want!

We’ve only invited people we’ve met - if we haven’t met them, married or not, they definitely aren’t invited. If we have met them but only a few times and the friend knows other people there, we’ve spoken to them and explained. Only one person has had a problem with it! Good luck

I would only invite those I know personally. You have to do what's best for you both. Family should be understanding that spaces are limited. We will be having a micro wedding nice and small. So we really have to think about who we want to invite. Just close family members that have been there for us.

Don’t feel obligated to invite partners of friends/family to the day if you don’t know them.
You can always invite them to the evening.
Weddings are so expensive and special so it should be people you want there not ones you feel obligated to invite.
If my other half was invited to a friend’s wedding and I hadn’t met them I wouldn’t get upset if they didn’t invite me. Do what makes you happy not others x

We decided to invite married or long term partners even though there were a couple we had not met before. It would seem strange not to otherwise. However, we specified that if people were not in a relationship they couldn't just bring a plus one because they wanted to. We also specified no children as we only had a small-ish wedding.

I’ve invited any partner who was in an established relationship that I knew about at the time the invitations were sent.


Since then I have had two people start dating people and expect to be able to bring them but as my wedding is now less than 3 months away, it’s not happening and tbh I think it was unreasonable of them to ask.

We are the first of our friends to marry so we invited partners of those in the bridal/grooms party and then invited partners for those that are clearly committed e.g have house together, children together or are engaged.


We aren’t allowing anyone to have a ‘plus one’ instead we have got the the partners details and ensured that people are invited by names only.
We also made this very clear on our wedding website so no one can bring a partner we’ve not accounted for!

I’m in the same boat as you!


I think our plan is to err on the side of not inviting partners whom neither of us has met UNLESS the person we want to invite is travelling a long way and we are particularly close to them/they don’t know many other guests. If the person lives close by, an evening invite will be extended to their partner.I guess that may be inconsistent/perceived as unfair but weddings are so expensive! Also I would wonder why someone I haven’t met would want to watch me get married to someone else they also haven’t met?

I wouldn’t be offended if my fiancé was invited to a wedding of someone I hadn’t met and I wasn’t, particularly knowing what I do now about the price of weddings.

It's a tricky situation balancing the guest list for your wedding. Consider the closeness of your relationship with each guest when deciding about their partners. For those traveling far, inviting their partners seems considerate. Maybe reevaluate the list to ensure those who mean the most to you and your fiance are present. It's your day, so it's important to have people around you who truly matter. Communicate openly with your guests about your decisions; most will understand. Remember, it's about celebrating your union in a way that feels right for both of you.

I was told recently by a wedding photographer that the rule of thumb these days is.... would you stop and chat in the street for 5 minutes or more? Would you go to dinner with that person? If the answer is no then why are you paying for a 3 course meal for them.

View quoted message I love this, and it's made sorting out our guests much easier 😁 xx

@Catherine At the end of the day, it's yours and your grooms day


We're having immediate family, and our best friends at the ceremony, and the rest of the family will be at the reception; because its an afternoon ceremony, and it's at our registry office
I'm sure they'll understand if you explain to them, and if they love you, they'll make it to your wedding no matter what x