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Kate
Beginner May 2024 West Yorkshire

Inviting sister’s boyfriend’s son

Kate, 13 of March of 2022 at 17:42 Posted on Planning 0 5
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Hi all, just looking for views on a guest list issue to see if I was wildly off-base or reasonable!

My partners sister has been with her boyfriend since November 2021 and he lives in her house. She has a daughter from a previous relationship (born July 2021) and he has a son we’ve never met and has never been at any family occasions, who I think is about 6 or 7. The son stays with them one night every other week and I don’t think they see him much outside of this.

We weren’t intending to invite this boy to our wedding - it was not a conscious choice, more that it didn’t even occur to us that we should as we’ve never met him, though partners sister refers to him as her step son.
We have just set our date. The sister mentioned to us that they have booked a family room at our wedding hotel for the 4 of them (her, him, her daughter, his son.) we haven’t even sent out save the dates yet or had any conversations about guest lists so they have just assumed he’s invited. We don’t want to cause a fuss and we have space and budget for the boy so will just invite him now.
But were we unreasonable to have not even considered inviting him in the first place?

5 replies

Latest activity by Andrewseobacklinks, 20 of March of 2022 at 11:37
  • Yorkshirelass
    Super July 2022 Surrey
    Yorkshirelass ·
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    No you were not unreasonable as you’re never met him but they should have made more effort to include him in any family get togethers beforehand. I have an interesting and somewhat similar situation with my fiancés half sister. I’ve never even met her and we’ve been together 6 years. He classes her as his sister and claims he’s closer to her than his two brothers (who I have only met once!). She has made no effort to meet me or my family, it’s a bit strange! But then none of his family make any effort so maybe that is just some peoples way.
    If you have space and budget then yes invite him but don’t feel strange that you didn’t think of it first! Families are odd!
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  • R
    VIP July 2020 Monmouthshire
    RomanticGreenStationery27135 ·
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    Are you having other children at your wedding? If so, it might be awkward to exclude this child - while he is no relation to you, your sister obviously views him as one of her children, alongside her own daughter.

    It would be fine to exclude him and invite your niece on the basis of their ages - a lot of people allow babies at a wedding but exclude older children. But if you are having other kids his age, it is likely to cause hurt if he is not invited, since your sister views him as part of your immediate family.

    On a strict etiquette level, I suspect it's probably fine not to invite the son of your sister's boyfriend whom you have never met - but on a personal/family level, you might need to invite him to save major family fallout.

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  • Jamie
    Dedicated October 2022 Argyll
    Jamie ·
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    It does seem a bit strange that his sister would just assume and go ahead and book for all of them - especially as many people don't have children at their weddings at all, and it sounds like they don't see him that often. How have they even worked out if it's their week to have him and also the exact day? Very odd.

    However, it seems like you have no choice but to invite him - though I think having a clear discussion with the sister about her expectations should be a priority too, as if she's done this, she may have other things she's just assuming, too.

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  • Moira
    Beginner July 2022 North London
    Moira ·
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    Oh dear that’s rather presumptive of them. How did they get the hotel details if you hadn’t sent invitations. No need to answer that. I have made it clear exactly who is invited on my invitation and used the hitched website for guests to register so it’s clear only the names listed can accept. I have had one couple decline because they have kids from a previous marriage that weekend. That’s their choice because I’ve invited them in good time for them to arrange a sitter or an alternative weekend ie 5 months!
    I don’t think you should be pressured into inviting anyone you don’t know (no meet no seat) but it’s hard to say no. You must be firm though or your budget will go through the roof. I would have thought it a good idea to say that you’re still in the planning stage and not sure how many you can accommodate so don’t go spending £’s you might not get back if we have to restrict numbers.
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  • H
    Dedicated May 2022
    HappyGoldBridesmaid18836 ·
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    I think it’s reasonable that you hadn’t immediately thought of inviting him. I agree with the ‘no meet, no seat’ philosophy 😂
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