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Weddingjuly2023
Curious August 2023 Buckinghamshire

Is it ok not to invite other halves?

Weddingjuly2023, 7 of November of 2022 at 11:11 Posted on Etiquette and Advice 0 7
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I'm getting married next summer and I have 80 guests in the day. Our venue can only hold 85, I'm saving 5 seats in case their is anyone we need to invite (such as my grandparents carers). I have a large group of friends. I have 16 people coming to my hen do, excluding myself! I have friends who have been with their boyfriends for years, some that live together and some who are in new relationships. A lot of my friends other halves I've only met a couple/few times, I've also never met some of my friends other halves too. Is it ok to not invite them to the day but to the evening instead? I don't have the venue space and the problem I have is that if I invite a couple of people's other halves then I have to invite everyone else's, I don't want to be unfair. I am inviting other halves where both myself and the groom are friends with them as a couple and know them very well.

I'm feeling this sense of guilt not inviting them to the day but if I did invite them then I wouldn't have been able to invite all my girls, as mentioned before there is 16 of them and they do know each other so I'm hoping they can have a girly day.

7 replies

Latest activity by Anonbride, 9 of November of 2022 at 12:12
  • L
    Rockstar July 2023 Greater Manchester
    Lisa ·
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    We have a limit of 50, and have had a pretty clear rule with ours in that we have to have both met them more than once, as well as seen them in the 12 months before the save the date went out (about a year before the wedding). Anyone who doesn’t make the cut, doesn’t make the cut.
    For us, because we’re having such a clear cut rule, we found it pretty easy to stay true to “this is the rule”, and we’ve stuck by it. Then there’s no favouritism as such, these are people genuinely involved in our lives. Also was a really easy way to get rid of the “obligation” family invites (I have 7 aunts/uncles plus their partners, plus almost 30 cousins and that’s without their partners and kids), nearly all of them aren’t invited, helping us to keep the whole thing smaller.

    It’s your wedding, they’ll always be people who try to invite other people, but it’s your wedding. Have there who you want to have there Smiley smile
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  • Weddingjuly2023
    Curious August 2023 Buckinghamshire
    Weddingjuly2023 ·
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    Hi Lisa,


    Thank you for your response, really helpful! There are only 2 other halves that we are inviting who we see as a couple and know really well. All the other halves the groom has either met once or never met them at all, I've only met them a couple/few times. A couple of the other halves I've only met since saving the date too!
    I think I need to stick to my guns and stick with the no other half rule for friends, otherwise we will have an extra 8 people. We are inviting other halves for our cousins because they are all married or are engaged.
    It's very hard sometimes to think it's your wedding day so day what makes you happy! I always want to make sure the guests are happy, you can't please everyone though. Thank you though, very helpful 😊
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  • Km86
    Dedicated December 2022 North Yorkshire
    Km86 ·
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    We haven't invited other halves either apart from where we are friends with both parties. the only person who queried this was a friend who is newly with her partner and we haven't even met them yet!

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  • R
    VIP July 2020 Monmouthshire
    RomanticGreenStationery27135 ·
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    It's fairly normal not to invite recent partners, especially if you haven't met them. But you need to be prepared for pushback and/or people turning down invites if you don't invite spouses or long-term partners.

    If you are planning on not inviting your hen-do guests' partners to the wedding, I would let the girls know before the hen do. They may be happy to go to the hen do but not the wedding or to go to both without their partners, but it would be polite to let them know their partners will not be attending the wedding before they commit to any pre-wedding events/expense.

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  • Weddingjuly2023
    Curious August 2023 Buckinghamshire
    Weddingjuly2023 ·
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    Thank you for your words and honesty. I have spoken to all the girls attending the hen do about their other halves, most of them seemed accepting of it, although a couple seemed a bit sad. They've all been understanding but I can't help but feel guilty because I care and want them to have the best time possible.
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  • R
    VIP July 2020 Monmouthshire
    RomanticGreenStationery27135 ·
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    The important thing is that you have been open with them from the start. I think that resentment is more likely to arise once someone has maybe put time & effort into attending a hen do, perhaps bought a gift and then they find out their OH isn't invited!

    Personally, I'd still attend the hen do and buy a gift even if I wasn't attending the wedding, but I have heard other people sounding off about how they wouldn't have gone to the hen do if they'd known their OH wasn't invited to the wedding etc, etc, so it's always worth telling people up front.

    My OH and I (married couple) don't usually attend weddings unless we are both invited, but that's chiefly because my OH has very limited time off, so we are quite protective of our precious free days!!! I think if we had more time off together we might be a bit more willing to spend more days off away from each other.

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  • A
    Expert July 2023 Cornwall
    Anonbride ·
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    We have a limit of 50 and other halves were a must for us. I don't think it's fair to ask people to celebrate our wedding without acknowleding theirs; it also makes for a nicer time for the guests, which leads to a nicer vibe all round for the day!

    By other halves, you can be quite strict though - for us, that's very serious partners, people that are genuinely a partner rather than a new person our friend is dating. We wanted to meet everyone at least once, just to suss them out, but in large part anyone we hadn't met (I think that was two OHs) were due to logistical reasons with where they lived and we'd heard so much about them that by the time we did meet them we really felt like we knew them them.

    Friends with new boyfriends/girlfriends have been understanding when we've said we just don't have space and they weren't together when we were setting the guest list etc..

    The only time I've been to a wedding without my fiance, is when my brother was a best man and he and his long term girlfriend broke up - the couple still wanted him to have someone there if he wanted to and so he took me because I obviously know my brother's best friend fairly well. It was a unique situation for sure.

    I don't think either one of us would want to go to a wedding solo normally - annual leave days, cost, feeling a bit lonely, etc. - there's loads of reasons it's not enjoyable. If it was my very best friend and I was in the wedding party, I'd probably go solo to support my friend, but I would feel sad about it and it would make me look at my friend a bit differently - there'd probably be lots of upset group chats going on in the background too.

    If you have spaces in the evening, invite couples as a unit to the evening, don't invite one person to the whole day and one person to the evening - it's a logistical nightmare for the couple and makes for a really crummy day of waiting around for one person.

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