Is it rude not to invite long term partners/husbands?

Yes, I think it is a bit rude. Completely understand about people's constraints regarding costs and space, but nevertheless, I think established partners ought to be invited, even if bride and groom have never met them. That's the premise we are working on.

We had the six month rule at the time of invitation despatch - if you've been with someone for 6 months at that time, the partner gets invited. If you've only been seeing them a couple of weeks, or pick someone up after the date, then we might be able to fit them in later for the evening do only but certainly not wedding breakfast.

It hasn't been a big problem as most of our people are either already married or career singletons, but I think it's strange for partners to automatically assume they're invited, just as it is for children to be automatically invited. It's down to the bride and groom at the end of the day, and how important it is to have that person there if their partner/children are unable to attend due to whatever restrictions you have (size/budget etc).

Well I wasn't upset or insulted when my H2B wasn't invited to my friends wedding but then when I did the same for my wedding, the same friend was really put out that her OH wasn't invited...?

WSS

My numbers list currently assumes that more or less everyone who doesn't have a +1 at the moment will have one by the wedding, so I was planning on inviting her OH. We were at the same table at a mutual friend's wedding, and she knows we're engaged, so it's not like he's a complete unknown.

Trying to decide how childish it would be to invite just her (given that they will actually be married by then) or if sending a save the date to them both might just make the point and solve the problem.

I do think it's a bit rude but then I also think the tit for tat reciprocation is too! This is an opportunity to take the moral high ground, something I often advocate...

Some people do see it as very rude, Personally if whoever is inviting either of us doesnt know the other one then we have never thought anything of it (we have been together 10 years and living together 8 so very much an established couple) i think it depends on the individual, their relationship and how they socialise how they will feel about it.

I can see it from both sides - I do think it's rude to not invite them and can imagine how that makes the other person feel.

That said, i've only ever met my BMs OH for 5 minites in their year relationship and he wound me up with his rudeness in that small time. I don't know him, and he doesn't know me and so I feel it would be weird for me to invite him, why would he want to be at a wedding of someone he doesn't know and why should I have him there just because he is my BMs OH?

That said, if I don't invite him, i'd expect the same back in return when they get married.

Has that helped at all?!

Six months sounds reasonable to me, but we've decided to be more flexible than that as I am rubbish at keeping up with relationship gossip. Also everyone's coming from so far away that more might come if they're coming with someone they know well. OH and I were together 5 years before getting engaged and got engaged well before the invites were sent out, which is why it seems pretty odd.

It wouldn't bother me as much if I weren't in the middle of sorting my own invites etc but its difficult not to consider the whole tit for tat not inviting yours if you don't invite mine thoughts running through my head - 2 people less = more money for the honeymoon!

It is rude, but i'm really tempted to not invite my best friends OH. He is a complete tool, and I really REALLY don't want him at our wedding, but, I know that if he isn't invited, my friend won't come as he has this awful hold over her.

He is constantly rude to me, and tries to make out he is better than me and OH, and I know he will pick holes in our wedding.

So, I don't know what to do. I want my friend there, she's my oldest friend.

Unless it was a work thing I wouldn't go unless my fiance was invited too.

I think if you've only just met someone or met someone since the invites went out then it's acceptable but personally I wouldn't want to go unless H2B was invited!

I think it's a bit rude to invite someone on their own if they don't know other people who are coming. We've mixed and matched a bit. A lot of my friends don't know many other people there so we have invited them with their OHs or a plus one if they're single so they will always have someone to talk to. My OH's friends are all part of a group who know each other so we have invited them as singles as they will all know each other to talk to. We'd have a huge guest list if we invited all their OHs too! Nobody has told us that they have a problem with this so hopefully it'll work on the day! Does your friend know many other people who are coming?

@ebony_rose, really feel for you. That's shitty situation to be in. Does your friend realise how he makes you feel? is there any chance that she will be able to keep him out of your way on the day itself?

If it was me, I would be inclined to decline the invite and state as it is so far away it is impossible for me to get there without OH.

Then when its time for your wedding, just go with what you feel, either invite both or just one.

Sorry if that doesnt help?!

At the end of the day.. not inviting a friends fiancé is rude. Personally, I wouldn't go to the wedding. I would explain to her that as OH hasn't been invited, there's no way I could get there so it's going to be a no.

I think it's a bit odd esp as you are travelling so far... I think it also depends on whether or not you will know anyone else at the wedding and whether it is a big or small wedding.

If you aren't that close to the bride/groom and you wouldn't feel comfortable there then I would decline.

We did this too. Though didn't have a rule about how long they had to be together for before hand. If they were with someone, they were invited. As it happens, they were all in long term relationships/living together anyway. We also gave a few people plus 1s to ensure they weren't on their own and therefore felt more comfortable. If I remember correctly we had about 6 people there who I only met on the day.

She does, to a certain extent. She's witnessed him being rude, but laughs it off as "it's just his way", and i've basically told her what I think of him, yet it fell on deaf ears.

She could try and keep him out of my way, but I know he will seek me out, purely to be rude. It's like he always has to get one up on people. To$$er!!!!

To be honest, planning our wedding has really opened my eyes to the restraints and limitations that they sometimes represent. Me and OH are now at the age where our friends are starting to get married or have long term partners, but none of our friends overlap - I have my girls from Uni and he has the lads he grew up with. Before Christmas OH was invited to a wedding quite nearby but I wasn't invited to any of it - I wasn't surprised or offended, neither bride nor groom have ever met me, despite that fact that OH and I have been together for 4.5 years. At another of his friends' wedding last year, I was invited to the entire day and evening too - I was extremely surprised and very touched, particularly when we got there and I realised that there were only around 50 guests for the daytime.

I think it all really depends on how you react to it - I always consider a wedding invite a privelege, especially now, knowing how much effort goes into planning and paying for a wedding. I wouldn't assume I was invited to a wedding just because OH was, and he definitely wouldn't.

If it was very tricky to get to though, and I was going to be on my own not knowing anyone, I might be a little apprehensive about accepting but if it was a really good friend then 'd go regardless - I always manage to meet someone to chat to and have a good time.

I am glad this has come up because recently I received an invite to a wedding where I was sent a save the date card. I received an invite to the evening reception addressed to just me not my OH (I am getting married 1 month later than this couple). I text the bride to query it as I assumed it was an oversight. I then got a long message back explaining that only x number of spaces were available for additional evening guests and that if they had declines I would be notified. What I didn't like was there was no additional message or call prior to invite being sent out that explained the situation. I thought it was rude. I sent her a really nice card and thanked her for the invitation but would be declining as I wasn't comfortable going on my own.

I am getting married and I totally understand number constraints but I would never invite one half of a married or engaged couple or long term partner. I only really have 1 friend who might be upset by exluding her partner from daytime invite but she bounces from relationship to relationship and I never know who she is with! She will be invited alone to the wedding (have many mutual friends some of whom will also be coming alone due to work constraints) and her partner whomever it maybe will be invited to come along to the evening.

The person who I got invited to evening reception alone totally missed my point and said oh we will know numbers soon so he might be able to come! I thought this was even ruder and doesn't make people feel wanted more making up numbers to the party?

I think that every wedding goes thru this kind of arguement / discussion.

I have had people saying nasty comments because my cousin was invited all day but his girlfriend was only invited to the evening - (I had only met his girlfriend once and that was simply to say "hello") the reason that they kicked off because my cousins sister was invited to the day and so was her boyfriend and people couldnt understand why this was - (the reason was because she has a child with her boyfriend, they live together, and I have seen him at many family occassions and had conversations with him)

People have kicked off because they are in the same "ranking" within the family as someone who has a day time invite - but the people that have a day time invite is because we know them really well. Been on holiday with them and the other person who is of the same "ranking" I dont know who she was - I could walk past her in the street - the reason that she is invited is because it is a relative of my OH and he obviously knows her.

I will know about 8 people there - most of whom are married or in the bridal party - it's mostly the distance (and free weekends) that's the issue - if I drive myself it's £100 or so plus accommodation or not drinking and an extra 100 miles. Public transport would be similar and would need to add taxis. If we go together we have no fuel costs (diesel company car with free fuel and it would take less than a tank to get there and back) but if OH is driving, that's one of his few weekends off work (approx 1 in 3 on call rota) taken up without much benefit to him.

We're at an age now where literally everyone we know is married, or have long term partners and although there are some couples that I haven't even met (OH's work colleagues) it doesn't bother me inviting their partners etc. One of OHs friends has just split with his girlfriend, but we said that he could still invite someone even if it was a male friend so he's not on his own.
However, one of our very close friend's partner (well to be honest, they're not really a couple, she's having an affair with him as she's already married) doesn't particularly like us and even went so far to accuse us of having a threesome (me, OH and him), total rubbish of course! I really don't see why I should invite this woman to our wedding, she is so two faced, but I appreciate that it's important for our friend to have her there so we've invited her. Doesn't mean I have to talk to her during the day!

I think if you want to go and can go, then go. If you feel you won't have a nice time without your OH then don't. I don't think they are trying to say something to you by not inviting him. I have been invited to do's with my OH and without and have gone regardless because I wanted to. If it was close family getting married and he wasn't invited I would be peeved but not when it's friends.

I decided to treat everyone individually at my wedding so there are no 'rules' for me as to who i invite. I have asked friends whose partners (long term or short) I don't know to come to the day on their own and their partners are invited to the evening do. They will know lots of others there so won't be on their own. Friends who i know as a 'couple' are coming as couples.

I have one friends who will know no-one but me, so I invited his wife who I have never met. Another friend also will know no-one but me so I have given her a plus one (though she is not seeing anyone so may not use it) but I didn't want her totally on her own. Other single friends aren't having plus ones as they will know lots of people there.

No-one has said to me they are upset about this - many have said they are pleased just to be invited even on their own. If I had to invite partners of all my friends and give plus ones regardless I would be ctering for another 12 or so or have to cut out some of my friends from my guest list. It was hard enough narrowing it down anyway.

I'm just going to chip in here and say that whether or not it is rude that your OH has not been invited, I would also consider it rude (or, at the very least, ungraceful) to reply and give the reason as anything to do with the fact that your OH has not been invited/uncomfortable alone/etc

Were inviting established partners as well ie those of between 6 months to a year.

If I received an invite without OH I think I would find it strange - but as someone else said it would depend on the relationship I had with the person getting married.

Would I go? Depends if there were other poeple I could go with IYKWIM.

If I however sent a singular invite to someone, I would have to expect the same in return.

I think we're in a fortunate position that everyone we'll be inviting is either in a long term relationship already or perpetually single. The only person who we'll have to wait and see if she gets to bring her boyfriend will actually be one of my BMs - she's my cousin, she's 18 and she's one of those who ends every facebook status with 10 kisses and her BF's name - then after a while she invariably gets dumped and her statuses are completely depressing for a week or so........until the next chap comes along and it starts all over again. I'll decide nearer the time and make the judgement on her recent FB posts LOL they live in Cornwall anyway and I've got a feeling that her dad won't come so the numbers won't really make any difference, I don't want a hot headed teenager ruining the day with a lover's tiff though!!!!

WSS x

I would ring her and ask? it can't hurt? best to find out the reason and make an informed decision....

We've had a few emails asking if someone can bring a partner. Three we've said yes to (because they're long term relationships) and there's only one I've said no. That one is my best mate from college who is - by his own admission! - a bit of a sl*g and wanted to ask a girl he's had his eye on for a while to be his date to the wedding as a means of getting her into bed. He asked in a very tongue in cheek way, and I replied in an equally jovial manner.

H2b has been invited to three weddings since I've known him, and only once has that invitation extended to me. I've never been offended by that because there were perfectly good reasons why I wasn't invited. If I was invited to a wedding without h2b, I'd probably go anyway and he'd insist I did - it'd be handy leaving him home to look after the kids anyway!

WSS- I consider a wedding invite a privilige and would not expect an invite for my partner too. If I didn't know anyone at the wedding and I was going alone, I would be a bit nervous but would go regardless if they were good friends. Weddings are always a good opportunity to meet new people, whether with the oh or not x

I think it is rude. I wouldn't go if my fiance wasn't invited I would find it disrespectful. Nevertheless my decline would be polite. I am afraid I don't understand the 6 month rule either. I don't think a length of time can be directly apportioned to the seriousness of a relationship. If the invite goes out and they are single but then meet someone afterwards then fair enough but otherwise I would invite the partner .

I agree ^^

I would be really annoyed at someone else judging the seriousness of my relationship in that way. I have invited all my day guests with a plus 1. When I was single I dreaded going to weddings on my own. The whole focus on the day is love and relationships and the bit when the b&g invite everyone to get up and dance to the romantic first dance song was the worst thing ever! I think I would decline a day invite to a wedding if my OH wasn't invited - if they didn't invite him then they can't consider me to be a very close friend anyway so I don't think I would want to give up one of my few precious days off for them rather than spending it with my best friend and future husband. Evening guests are a completely different thing though - I don't think there's anything wrong with inviting your friends from work to the evening reception without their partners, as long as there is a group of them together.