Is it rude to ask for a plus one?

Oh dear, how rude!

We're writing the STD envelopes to both people if they're coupled up. We only have a handful of friends who are single at the moment, the rest are in LTRs so I'm hoping we don't have a problem.

I think it's really rude to ask for a +1 with the Save the Dates especially. Who knows what will happen between now and then? I think you handled it really well though! Xxx

Hi SunnyGreenStationery484

When we were planning our wedding, we found this to be one of the most stressful situations to deal with and manage without upsetting anyone.

Obviously you don't want to upset you friends or Family but the cost of a wedding can soon mount up.

We found that being up front to people about this made things a little easier, we still had the odd few a couple of weeks before the wedding asking if they can bring their teenage kids but as long as your firm with everyone people will understand.

If its possible what we did was invite them to the evening, while there is possibly still a cost for the buffet its likely to be much smaller than a sit down meal.

Be firm but polite and explain, its the only way you can do it without getting too stressed out.

Good Luck

Exactly, and that's what we did. We wrote both the names if it was to them both. No one single is getting a plus one, I know it sounds harsh but the cost per person adds up and I really don't want to not know people at my own wedding.

It's another 9 months before we send out the formal invitations and like you say who knows what can happen.

I totally get where you're coming from.

I think you just need to gloss over it for now. If people moan when you send out the formal invites, just tell them that there's only space for so many people and that you've had to make tough choices.

We're being quite stingy with the ceremony as we can only handle 60 people max. which means that we can't invite any of our cousins! Can't wait to deal with those tantrums... *eyeroll*

xx

We had this exact same thing with OH's step-cousin, who I've only met once & never met her BF.

I think it's so rude- especially when they don't just politely ask and instead demand to know why their OH wasn't invited.

We simply told them that numbers were tight and we couldn't fit in everyone.

I completely agree! It's up to the bride and groom who they want there. We're not going to pay out for someone we've never met and likely to never meet again! Some people think it's their right to have a plus one which angers me.

We have had a few people ask us for plus ones when we haven't ever met their OH. We made a decision to not invite all plus ones as we just couldn't fit them in/slash afford it. Luckily we didn't have anyone say a comment like 'I assume no other partners are invited then' as that is just rude!

I would just ignore it for now and when the invites go out explain to them that it is only them invited and the reasons why, people should understand if you're open about it.

Oh my goodness yes! I've had it happen a few times and not just with partners, my eldest cousin has only been in a relationship for a year but I decided to invite her OH just to be polite as she does live with him, and she has asked if his child can come now that's she's a "step mum". H2Bs cousin has been in a relationship for a month but wants to bring his gf, and another of my cousins wants to bring her bf (to be fair to her she has been with him for 3 years but she's only 17 and I've never met him) but the worst bit about this one for me is that my aunt has offered to pay for him if it's because I can't afford to invite him... It's nothing to do with being able to afford it, it's numbers and the fact that I don't know the boy! Saying no made me feel like such a witch

Sorry, rant over!

Yep we had a friend go mental, my mum ask why my cousin's OH wasn't invited to which I stated haven't seen my cousins in 10 years let alone met her OH and we had OH Aunty wondering why her son's OH (who we had never met) wasn't on the save the date.

We ended up sending our invites out with a little FAQ which went down very well with all from family to friends - I've posted it before on here but here it is:

Can we bring plus ones/Children?
We would love to have everyone attend our special day, unfortunately we are limited on numbers so it’s named guests only and children under 1. We may be able to accommodate plus ones/children once we have final numbers in May so please contact us and we will try our best!

In the end our friends who asked for their plus ones to come did on the day but they were only confirmed 2 months before the wedding I can suggest stating this (and putting something similar on invite slip etc).

I really wish it were like that here in Spain! I'm a British expat marrying a Spaniard and here you can take your +1 and children without even asking, I hate it and people even find dates just for the wedding sometimes! I can't do much though because that's the way it is here! Hmph!

I appear to be in the minority, but we gave almost everyone who was single a plus one - if you've got a partner, weddings are something which it's nice to do together especially if your friends are there with their partners, and if the bride and groom haven't met the partner then it's an ideal opportunity.

I just couldn't bring myself to risk fallings out with friends and family over a handful of people. As it happens, only one person brought a plus one.

Yes, I think that is very rude. We are inviting couples who we know to the day. Anyone who is single a year before the wedding isn't getting a plus one (this is mainly aimed at OH's friend who falls in love every week. I just know that there will be an awkward conversation nearer the time if he has a new gf by then!) We aren't inviting our cousin's partners etc that we don't really know to the day

We have couples in the evening who I haven't met (OH's football friends) but as it is just the evening, I am not too fussed about this.

Just stick to your guns when you send the invitations out. If you have anyone who can't make it, then maybe you could accommodate them but only if you want them there x

It's very thoughtless when people do things like this. They clearly aren't thinking about the uncomfortable position they are putting their host in. I'm not a fan of random plus ones, but our situation is a little tricky because half of our guests will be traveling. We really can't ask someone to come all this way on their own, even if we haven't met their partner yet. The least we can do is allow someone to bring a date if they make the effort to take a 7 hour flight in order to come to our wedding. Thankfully I think OH has met most of his friends' partners, even if I haven't, and I think it's unlikely that someone will invite a casual fling on a trip abroad, so hopefully all of our guests will be someone at least one of us has met personally. I planned on limiting the plus ones for our local guests, but it looks like by the time the wedding gets here all the casual relationships will have turned into serious ones, so we'll have to invite both parties.

Wow that is rude! I've not had that yet but I'm expecting it at some point.

I don't think it's rude to clarify if it's a plus one invite. I think it's rude to demand it.

We simply said that we dont have room during the day but they are welcome in the evening. A cousin was fine with this (we didn't even know he had a girlfriend until his sister mentioned it. A friend hasn't spoken to us since but again we never met her, they were together 5 minutes and he didn't ask until after the RSVP deadline had passed.

They live in Essex and we were getting married in Scotland so it was a little difficult for evening invites but quite a few people made the effort to come up for the evening and made a weekend of it.