Is the Best Man the Wrong Man??

Who else could your OH have chosen? Is you have someone else in mind & they know the Best Man, could he not impart some words of advice to him. Failing that your H2B needs to step up & speak with him & I would suggest thats this week & that he's 'taken' shopping for the suit this weekend!

Penny you've done all you can but you can lead a horse to water but you cant make it drink. Maybe your OH needs to have a heart to heart with him and see if he can help him out with the speech or whatnot

This sounds so much like a situation my OH was in! He wanted his oldest friend who he has known since the age of 11 until now (23). However, since his friend got a girlfriend 2 years ago he stopped talking to my OH. They speak once a month-ish (OH is always the one to start the convo) and have seen each other about 3 times in 2 years.

It was hard for my OH because he went from seeing this guy every week and speaking every day to nothing because he was too busy with his new girlfriend. He still wanted to ask him to be best man because he felt he knew him the best. However, every time he spoke about the wedding his friend got funny about it (although had previously joked about being best man).

OH (after LOADS of thought) chose another friend he has known for 6 years instead, and his other friend doesn't even give a crap anyway! Goes to show really!

If your OH's friend isn't wanting help then I would suggest leaving him to it. Could your OH have another best man to do a speech, and the current one sits on top table but doesn't do a speech? Would that work?

Depends what your OH is looking for in a best man, if it's about having his best mate beside him for support then he probably has made the right choice.

If it's about someone to look good and do a wonderful speech everyone will love, maybe not.

If he doesn't want to do the speech as he'll be worried about getting embarassed then fair enough but I wouldn't strip him of the job at this stage personally. I do think your OH needs to step in and get him a suit. Maybe he can even suggest that one of the ushers could do a speech instead if that would help him, but tbh having a crap best mans speech wouldn't have made any difference to my wedding day in the end. It's not what's important.

He is shy, nervous and has learning difficulties? then why are you expecting him to stand in front of people and give a speech

I think you'll find people put things off because they are scared or dont want to do it

'he is shy, nervous and has learning difficulties? then why are you expecting him to stand in front of people and give a speech'

Absolutely agree! My 17 year old son (or will be nearly 17 when we marry), is giving me away & I will not be putting pressure on him to make a speech. If he wants to make one, that's fine but if not, my MOH is preparing something to step in if needs be! Why put your family/friends under that much pressure...surely the important thing is that they're with you, not that they make a speech!

Exactly this.

If there really are problems, could your OH maybe have 2 best men?

OH has 2 best men, both of which are already really nervous about speeches. I couldn't bare the thought of them being nervous all day about it, so we have told them they can decide on that day if they choose to do one or not, no pressure. I would say that the pressure on him from you will not being helping, and how important is the speech really?

Could I maybe play devils advocate and suggest that perhaps you're not worried about him making a fool of himself, you're worried about having a rubbish best mans speech at your wedding? If you've offered your help and he's declined, then leave him to it, he's telling you that he doesn't need help - whether it's true or not remains to be seen, but if he delivers a crappy speech then you won't be judged for it.

If the question is whether or not he's committed to your wedding, then he needs to be asked outright, and if he's not, let him off the job - perhaps he doesn't want to be best man but doesn't know how to to tell your fella - just like your fella doesn't feel like he can 'sack' him now?

this^^

i think a frank and honest discussion would resolve this Penny

I agree, I think maybe at the time when he agreed to be Best Man he didn't realise what was involved. He has been asked is he is happy with being best man on many occasions and he has always said he is. (but that doesn't mean he REALLY is I guess). If it were me I'd come out with it straight (I have had similar conversations with one of my bridesmaids) but H2B isn't as 'up front' as me.

Best Man works 6 days a week 11am - 10pm and his only day off is in the week (when we are both working) so it's really awkward to arrange to get together. Because we have booked time off for the wedding, stag/hen do and honeymoon we really can't get any more time off. Best Man has only been in his current job for 6 weeks so it's hard for him to keep asking for time off.

I think I'll have a conversation with H2B about it over dinner tonight and see what he says.