Is this cheeky?

No I have asked mine not to wear it!

I feel the same as you x

Yes and no in my opinion.

I dont want my BM to wear it, but she feels awful and not herself without it, to her its like make up and as important. We've agreed that she'll have it done a few days before, incase it goes wrong, and that she has a lighter one than normal.

Can you compromise somehow?

Not at all. One of my friends on Facebook was a B, ( with 3 other girls) and she was bright orange whereas the rest of the girls were normal. Inc the bride. It looked awful on the photos

Hmm...could you maybe offer to all get a spray tan done together and then get one of those really light ones? My sister had one done for her wedding and it just took the bright white colour off her skin (it was December at the time). Otherwise you could maybe offend them?? I don't wear fake tan (too lazy) and wouldn't be bothered if I did and was asked not to but some people could maybe get upset. Difficult one.....

Yes. I don't think you have the right to dictate the colour of your BMs' skin. Sorry. If you're that concerned you could always offer to pay for a better-quality spray tan.

You could subtly try to say something like "you look so lovely without it though" next time they say anything about having fake tan on, but I think it is cheeky to outright say "don't wear fake tan to my wedding".

In my opinion, yes.

My BMs are very straight to the point they know ive never liked the stuff and think it looks horrible anyway

If i could trust them to get light ones that would be fine but they dont want to they like the extra darks ones but it ends up patchy round the hands knees etc

Totally agree. Not all fake tans, when done properly, look patchy and orange. I assume that the BMs in question have had it done before, so you'd effectively be saying to them that you don't like the way they normally look.

Don't forget it's a big day for your bridesmaids too. They want to look their best and if having a fake tan makes them feel that they look their best, then it's a bit mean to stop them.

Your only option, in my eyes, is to drop subtle hints along the way.

Hi

I don't think you can tell people not to have them. When I have been bridesmaid before I have been asked not to have my hair cut but ultimately if I wanted to I would have. I have said the same to mine, the hair style I want their hair to be in needs long hair but if they really want their hair cut we will work with that. They've agreed not to cut their hair.

The best you can do is say you'd prefer it if they didn't, and if they really felt they needed it could they pick the lighter colour. If they don't agree I'm afraid you have to work with what you've got.

Yes I think it is a bit cheeky, a good spray tan looks good. I've never had one myself but know plenty of people that do and if you have it done at a salon they will normally be ok. Can you not suggest this to them? Maybe offer to pay for them too and plug it as a pre wedding bonding seesion/girly time etc?

I think it is a bit, if they wear it all the time you are basically saying you don't want them to look how they normally do. Perhaps you could ask them to tone it down, the lighter ones are very good and don't look orange. You might make them feel very uncomfortable if they always have it on.

This. There are some really good quality spray tans and stuff for around the £10 mark so I would book them in for one in a reputable salon.

Depends on the person. I was a BM in December a few years ago and I have olive skin which goes really sallow in winter so I look awful without a bit of a tan, so I'd be annoyed if someone told me i couldn't have one. I'm worried though about being too tanned when wearing my ivory wedding dress so am considering just a few sunbeds instead for our wedding, also to prepare for honeymoon and not get burnt. I know it's bad for you but seems like the best option...

Very cheeky IMO. Especially if it's something they normally do. Presumably you chose them as bridesmaids because they are your friends, not because of how they look!

It is a bit cheeky but I see your point.

Could you not pay them to have a proper salon tan? If they get it done professionally it should be fine and not orange. I used to work in a salon and we did St Tropez, it was a really good tan which went a natural colour depending on the person's skin tone. Perhaps that's the compromise? Then they'll have a little bit of a tan and you'll be happy that they're not tango'd!

By "they", do you mean fake tans or your BMs? ?

If they are fake tan wearers day-to-day, then it's not cheeky, more downright hurtful. You are essentially saying that you don't like the way they look normally, that it's not nice enough for your wedding.

If they don't usually wear fake tan but are trying to look special for your big day, cut them some slack. Have a girly day at a salon and convince them to go light.

By they i mean my bridesmaids

One of them wears it every day and shes knows i think she looks better without it ive told her before even before the wedding

2 of my BMs are ohs sisters one of them is the fake tan wearer 2 more (another of ohs sisters) gets it done for special occasions but always ends up patchy as does the other girl

I will ask if they can get a good spray tan done instead of doing it themselves or getting it done off a mate who does it for nothing and isnt very good because i dont want my pictures ruined and i dont want it over my dress either i know that might make me seem like a *** but its my wedding not an episode of towie

How many are you having as BM's? In that case I would suggest you do a pamper day and get someone in, who may be able to do it for a special price if there are a number of you. Obv I'm talking a professional rather than some girl who does it out the back of her van!

Be prepared for the backlash if you're going to ask them with this particular opinion. It's the same reasoning as picking your bridesmaids dresses - if you want them to wear a particular dress (or in your case, get a decent tan) then ultimately the bride and groom should be responsible for picking up the cost!

EXACTLY this.

I can't quite believe you are more concerned about your wedding photos than the feelings of your sisters-in-law. I'll say it again; if you are that concerned YOU should be offering to pay for a better-quality spray tan, and selling it to them sensitively e.g. "I'd really love to have a pampering session before the wedding, would you like to come round/go to x salon and you can have a spray tan?"

Yes! I think if you have given them the honour and responsibility to be your bridesmaids they can make up their own mind as to whether they would like fake tan.

Yes completely out of line! they should feel comfortable why would you want to dictate how they look?

My sister was bridesmaid for my brother’s wedding a few years ago and wasn’t allowed to wear her hair extensions, eyelashes, fake tan, heels, and had to have the make up “artist” do her make up and hair for the day. She felt completely uncomfortable the whole day and was very upset about the whole situation.

For my wedding I said she could do and wear whatever she wanted and she was so much happier on the day for it and looked gorgeous – why try and be Hitler on your wedding day, everyone is an individual let them shine too

If you knew my sil then you would know that telling her this doesnt insult her shes the kind of person who would tell you you look fat in a dress so she expects the same in return

And of course im worried about my photos

I dont see how asking someone to calm it on the fake tan is so insulting but asking someone to leave their kids at home for a wedding isnt as is being said on another thread

If the tan was done ok i wouldnt mind but i dont want to be looking through my photos and it looks like the BMs have looked as if they have dipped their elbows and wrists into orange paint and let it dry in

I would make up the excess for them to get a good tan, i dont like extensions or fake nails but im not going to stop them wearing thme because they dont look a mess

Please calm it on your fake tan. Subtext: You look patchy and orange and I don't want my photos ruined. I love you but I don't like the way you look. Our survey saaaaays: insult.

We are sorry but we are unable to accommodate children at the venue. Subtext: None. Our survey saaaaays: not an insult.

Telling someone "its your day its up to you what happens" has to work every way imo

It does look a mess if someone has a good fake tan then you shouldnt be able to tell theyve had it done

Haha I like you! I can see where you're coming from...I'm not in the camp of telling my bridesmaids, mother, or anyone else attending the wedding what they can and cant look like but of course i think most people would prefer their bridesmaids to have a professional looking even tan than a cheap looking orange tan...and in 20 years time when your bridesmaids are looking back at the photos they'll thank you!

You asked for opinions, some people agreed with you, some didn't.

Looks like you've already made up your mind that you are right.

No i asked if i was cheeky or out of order not that im downright insulting to ask it or rude for asking it

I don't say this and never would. I saw our wedding as a family event.

I was under the impression that you chose bridesmaids because they were family/close friends who you wanted to be there with you on your wedding day to support you. Not because they are photogenic.

Would you let your bridesmaid turn up in jeans and converse?

Didnt think so

Hmm actually, yes. I would. I wanted sage green and lavender as the colour scheme for my reception. However, I asked my MOH to choose her own dress that she liked, and I'd work round it. This made my wedding colour turn teal/turquiose. Not at all what I wanted, but MOH was happy and looked lovely, and since I was in ivory, the colour scheme hardly affected me, did it?

In reply to the original question - I'd rather not have patchy orange BMs, and would try to incorporate a decent tan into the pre-wedding preparations. If that weren't possible, I wouldn't say anything. At the end of the day, the wedding photo that most couples have on display in their home doesn't have the bridal party in it. Don't worry!