Men have hired sinister gangster / pimp looking suits 4
Men wearing coloured morning suits 2
Kilts, when not born in Scotland 2
Bride wears other than white 6
Bride dress flamboyant and / or tasteless 8
Bride dress off the peg 0 Nothing wrong with that, is there.
Man wears morning suit & wears it without socks 5
Baseball cap worn 15
Baseball cap worn indoors 16
Any hat worn by male indoors 2
Any Burberry check worn by someone under retirement age. 2
Children just wearing normal clothes - parents can't be bothered 3
Bride not in possession of something old, new, borrowed and blue 3
Groom sees bride before church 2
Idiot tries to kiss-greet woman who is wearing wide brimmed hat 1
Groom has stubble 2
Bride has smells 3
Bride / groom have STD 12
In laws hate the other family 5
Aggression in public 6
Venue staff have to intervene 8
Police called to the wedding 20
Anything copied from a celebrity / football wedding 2
Wedding mainly about material things rather than people 15
Wedding designed to copy celebrity (Who is quite disgusting) 5
Pornographic pictures taken of bride on wedding day or in her bridal clothing 20
Idiot couple have groom removing garter with his teeth 2
Undignified photo of bride with dress blown upwards 3
Any top table member intoxicated / spongled before midnight. 2
Bride intoxicated / spongled 6
Bridal couple ignore guests whilst rutting excessively upstairs 1
Groom tattoos / earring visible 10
Bride tattoos visible 12
Shitty 'Dave Double Decks' disco for the evening 4
Less favoured guests invited for evening only 5
Any non family invited 'so as not to upset' May include work colleagues 4
Celebrity guest invited who upstages the bride 8
Guest acting flamboyantly and upstaging the bride 5
Pointless trashy extras Cat. 1- Table trash, chocolate fountain etc 2
Pointless trashy extras Cat. 2- Fireworks 3
Pointless trashy extras Cat. 3- Inappropriate horse drawn carriage 4
Pointless trashy extras Cat. 4- Vile flamboyant wedding vehicle 5
Trashy 'non traditional' wedding stationary 2
Everything bought from a wedding 'one stop shop' 8
Other peoples money squandered 10
Television on anywhere at the venue 8
Watching a football match at the reception 20
Bride / Groom texting previous partners / lovers on wedding day 10
Bride / Groom has active lover as wedding guest 70
Guests texting during service or meal 3
Beer / lager at the dining table 1
Guest using an iPod 3
Kids using DS
Bride woofs food down finishing before other guests 2
Guests struggling to use knife and fork properly 4
Guests lacking in manners and courtesy 4
Guest indoor vomit, alcohol related 6
Children behaving like rats 4
Brides posy deliberately thrown to favour a certain catchee 2
Stolen goods given as wedding present 10
Guest steals present 50
Theft from venue 15
Undignified behaviour in church 4
Late for church guest 3
Late for church groom 10
Late for church bride 0
Bioundegradable confetti containing plastic detritus 1
Person messing up photographs 2
Cheap remarks made during speech 4
Offensive remarks made during speech 10
Bride verbally abused 20
Bride physically assaulted 40
Bride gets ABH 50
Bride gets GBH 100
Groom assaulted non visible 5
Groom assaulted visible 35
Venue damaged 8
Goods and services not paid for although no dispute 12
Event gate crashed 5
Bride and Groom thank guests for presents later than 1 month 4
Bride and Groom don't thank guests for presents 8
Best man unaware of his duties and totally ineffective 5
Bride and Groom think that tradition has no part to play in a wedding 8
No effort with speech or no speech 5
Wedding sold to a magazine and the importance of day compromised 20
Magazine security staff confiscate mobiles / cameras of guests 20
Magazine security staff frisk guests - hey they can't be trusted! 20
Judged this test 'snobbish' due to lack of own standards 1
*****redeeming points********
A guest is a classically trained singer and performs well, melting hearts -10
Low key local 'celebrity' invited and really makes the day with personality -10
Church bells ringing out the good news! -8
Guest/s perform a tight well rehearsed routine -10
Outstanding speech -5
Clever multimedia speech -5
Choir booked for the ceremony -10
Traditional village wedding, everything home made -30
Regional traditions and customs incorporated -3
Decorations lovingly hand made -5
Bride virgin on wedding night -100
Bride looks like porcelain beauty and is wearing mothers old wedding dress -20
Corinthians 1 vs 13 well read by guest -2
Parent delivers nice intercession -6
Vicar attends reception -4
Clever choice of live music -5
Nice touch, i.e clip of wedding dress material attached to Order of Service -2
Nicely produced Order of Service -2
Church decorated beautifully and smelling of flowers -4
Church chosen with close family relevance -5
Bride and guests able to walk from the church to the venue -5
Wedding reception in grounds of own house -20
Marriage conducted by ordained member of family -20
Guests treated to a weekend of hospitality -10
Bridal couple depart in dignity and style, guests seeing them off -5
Exquisite thank you for presents sent out within a month. -5
Wedding dress kept for the future -5
Old wedding traditions well researched and woven into the days activities -5
Bride and Groom have attended 'wedding classes' to give marriage strength -35
Bride and Groom donate church collection money to children's charity -8
Local well wishers turn out to watch -5
Announcement made in the newspaper -5
Exquisite winter wedding, all aspects of the season well used and controlled -15
It snows! bride switches to sleigh, has white 'fur' accessories. Bonfire at venue -40
How did you do?
Minus figures: Well done then, second nature wasn't it. You may have received a lot of help though,
one way or another. Always try to remember those less fortunate - and help them!
0-10 Ah, tricky isn't it! Don't worry you've done extremely well, try to relax now and just enjoy the day!
10-20 Ok, one or two things amiss, what's done is done, don't worry most people won't even have noticed.
20-30 Right, have you really put enough thought into this? Either that or you'll need the confetti for better luck!
30-40 Look, your wedding is beginning to have a 'smell' about it, is this what you want? - Get it sorted!
40-50 Your wedding is definitely disgusting, have you done this on purpose? Or are your guests all Chavs?
50-60 You are definitely disgusting and have done this on purpose, you have no respect for marriage but
don't worry maybe your next wedding will turn out better, meanwhile don't breed, it's not fair
to introduce children to your life.
60-70 You are chav trash, are you related to Price and Andre? Because of Oprah type TV shows you don't
understand the meaning of the word 'shame' Others do though.
70+ You are a vile insult, the law has failed to protect us from you. You represent the core of all that is wrong
with this country. Your type often thrive in other countries ever considered emigrating?
PS Have had two family weddings, one scored 222 other 126 Feel sorry, not angry! We managed minus 105 and are very
thankful to all who contributed, we were truly honoured that day.