I've had enough :-(

This sounds very familiar to a friend of mine who was getting married, and they ended up splitting up over it

Does he still definitely want to get married, as in do you think he is purposely being awkward for a reason??

You need to sort this out before going any further with the wedding, maybe there is an underlying issue (not just money), and that definitely needs addressing asap xx

Can I ask why he isn't contributing at all? I understand his parents if the have no money but not him.

He sounds like he's being abit of a child about things (may be just the way you wrote it n I interpreted it) he doesn't want to contribute but doesn't want to compromise either?!

I agree with the above comment. Is there more to it?

OK, I've read your post through a couple of times and there are some things I want to pick up on that maybe need some considering. Firstly, his parents are under no obligation to help out financially. I know that these days we tend to ignore tradition and go with what suits each couple, but, that doesn't mean they have to help out.

If you are starting out life as a wedded couple, then shouldn't you be jointly paying for your wedding? Did you discuss a budget at any point? Did you sit down and work out how you were going to pay for your wedding or was it just assumed that your parents and you would pay? I think this needs sorting out pretty much immediately.

I get the feeling that you listen to what your mum says and then go and repeat it to your OH as gospel-truth. The trouble with compromise is that it has to work both ways. For you that may mean sitting down and listening to his point of view. For him, that does mean compromising on some of the guest issues.

It seems to me that it isn't you and him, that you're trying to keep happy - it's him and your mum - that's not how it should be. I think you and your h2b need to sit down and discuss what you really want from this wedding - is it to get married and live together as husband and wife? or is it to have the biggest, baddest party you've ever known? then you need to ask your mum how she could compromise?

He definitely wants to get married it was me who didn't I said for years I didn't want to get married I even said earlier on to postpone the wedding and save up more and he got really upset with me saying so I know that's not the reason I do think money is the reason cause I know how much debt is family are in

Communication is key to any relationship. You're going to have to make it clear to him that at times you're not always going to see eye to eye and compromises will need to made equally. This doesn't just go for wedding planning but everything in a relationship. If he's not willing to listen and come to an understanding and compromise on demands being made on you, then you need to sit him down and have a serious talk.

Maybe he is embarrassed that he/his family cant contribute..... but if that is the case u'd think he would be willing to compromise on his guests to save money for you/your parents

As an earlier comment said, there is no obligation for any parents to contribute therefore your mom shouldn't be annoyed with his parents, im sure if they could contribute they would

^^^^This.

Communication problems are one of the Top 5 reasons for 'the d word'. Having a good communication strategy is vital to a relationship. How do you normally settle conflict - are you the peacekeeper so he normally gets his own way but this time can't because your mum wants the opposite and you don't want to upset her either? Have you thought about going for counselling to help you both come to an agreement on how you deal with conflict?

This was so sad to read. I'm afraid it sounds like you have some really fundamental issues that need resolving.

As has been said, there are no obligations these days on any parents to pay, although some still like to go with tradition which is fine as long as it's what the bride and groom want. You say your OH's family don't have much money, and as you say you're paying, that suggests your OH doesn't either, but aren't your finances joint? You might be the key breadwinner, but it should still be a joint affair.

You say he was the one who wanted to get married, but is this wedding what he wanted? Again, it really should be what you both want and you should both agree what you can/can't afford and jointly compromise. What I couldn't pull from any of this was a "we", it was you, him, your parents, his family, very much us, you and your parents, and them, him and his parents. Marriage is about being a team, you need to look at this from that aspect imho, so that you're both an equal part, otherwise it's not going to get any better.

Do you actually truly love each other? That might sound like a daft question, but I think it's worth asking.

Sorry

I agree with what everyone else has said.

I think there is far more going on here. You say that he definitely wants to get married but he is not acting like he does. I'm sorry. Perhaps reality is kicking in that this is definitely happening and he actually isn't prepared for it. So he's being awkward and using excuses. I have put far less money in the savings than my OH and yet there are more guests from my side. It hasn't even occurred to OH. And we both have huge families! I do understand the frustration about his family not contributing - my family has helped us out much more than his over the years and his family are in a better financial situation than mine. But they are not obliged to help you, so you need to get over that argument. Yes, it would be a nice gesture but it's not a given.

I think you both need to be very honest with yourselves and each other. There is always something at the root of an argument and if like you say, he wants to get married, then I don't really know why you arguing. To me, he sounds rather childish and you need to make yourself heard.

First off I've never once said I want or expect money from his family I am saying I would like them to at least understand my opinions/views and least help compromise I never Once asked either parents for money my parents have just been in the position to want and be able to help. I'm just sick of being stuck in the middle as I am trying up keep everyone happy we had a massive argument earlier and I said if he doesn't want to get married we won't he got really upset and said I've took it the wrong way and the only reason he is annoyed is because of both parents getting to involved he said he wants to marry me but he says he feels pressure to keep his family happy like how I feel pressure to keep mine happy. I'll admit he can be childish at times but so can I lol we both like to think were right.

As for him contributing financially I have had savings which we have used while he hasn't he is the main breadwinner as I only work part time but I'm able to manage money better than him I do believe this is from are upbringings as when I met him he struggled like his parents unlike my self we still haven't managed to find a compromise with the guest list buts he's agreed to contribute more

I know we truely love each other cause we never normally argue we have been together 6years now I couldn't imagine life without him he is my best friend I tell hom

everything. We still go on dates we have stupid play fights were both competitive we joke on with each other we send stupid little texts we do everything you should do when you love someone

Awww... my heart goes out to you on this one. I also am fed up with planning (i've barely begun but for entirely different reasons - i'm fed up of looking at ugly or unsuitable venues that are within my budget - i only seem to like places I can't afford & then I get depressed)

I think you need an honest back to basic's discussion with your fella over what you're priorities are for the wedding and what you can afford etc so you can get back on the same page. ultimately, I think trying to keep things such as the guest list as fairly equal as possible is only fair and likewise you should both be making compromises and sacrifices along the way.

Obviously, i've not be party to your discussions with your fella or your parents so I'm not going to make any judgments but I'm a firm believer in it's not what you say but how you say it. So maybe have a think about the discussions you've had with your fella & see if there's a different approach you can take to resolve the issue. Arguments usually occur because somewhere a person has let their emotions get the better of them & has stopped communicating effectively. Perhaps take the approach of we need to keep in our budget and makes suggestions of where you can cut back & ask him where he thinks he can.

I'm sure it'll all work out.

sorry if this is utterly unhelpful! xx

Firstly (and this is meant in the nicest way possible, truly not trying to be narky), please use punctuation. I know it's nothing to do with your OP but I'm getting woozy reading your posts :-)

Secondly, I totally agree with everyone else, you are listening to what your mum says but not him. Maybe he doesn't even want a big wedding. Shut off your phones and go out for a day or go a weekend away together and discuss it without anger and interference. Find out what you want from the wedding, marriage and each other. I can see how you are being lead by your Mum but you need either tell her to stop going on about it and stop interfering. She's agreed to help with the cost which is great but what's that got to do with your OH's family?

Lastly, it really annoys me when people EXPECT parents to help with wedding costs, especially if one or both sets of parents aren't financially well off (for whatever reason), it's really unfair to do that. Although, in your case I think it's more your Mum than you doing this.

I think you need to keep your Mum out of any issues to do with your relationship with your future husband.

I'm sorry but he sounds like (just saying sounds like, not saying he actually is) a dick. How old is he as he sounds incredbly immature. Of course he needs to financially contribute too - why should you struggle and he still spend money on non-essentials? He should be saving also and compromising on guest lists or at least coming up with alternatives to save money to allow these extra guests of his.

My family our paying for our wedding (obviously we're incredibly lucky and greatful) and my future parents in law aren't (but could afford to). I admit I am a little pissed off they haven't offered to buy my future husbands suit or something - just a gesture (for my partners benefit, not mine) but they haven't which is fine. My husband to be feels incredibly guilty about the situation despite me explaining me and my family don't mind/are all happy.

I think you need to sit down and have a conversation, not an argument, about what you both want from the wedding. Don't mention either family at all during this conversation.