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Beginner October 2020

Keeping the guest list intimate

HappyBrownBridesmaid914, 6 May, 2020 at 18:52 Posted on Planning 0

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My fiance has a large immediate family who he is not close with. I however am incredibly close with my extended family, but am happy to only invite my parents, brothers, and grandparents. My partner's guest list is his parents, step parents, siblings, and their partners and kids. That is 16 invitees that he sees twice a year, versus my 6 closest family members. I don't know how to tell him that I had never expected this many people overall, let alone from just his family. My brother has offered to be our Celebrant too, and I was very happy with this, but my partner says this makes it too much about my family and not everyone, but I feel that it is more than fair as his family will be such a huge presence anyway. In an ideal world I'd like just his parents, step parents, and siblings, and my brother as Celebrant but I am happy to hire a celebrant if he is happy to reduce his party. I am worried that he will take this the wrong way and think that I don't care about his family. How do I navigate this conversation we need to have?

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VIP July 2020 Monmouthshire
RomanticGreenStationery27135 · 8 May, 2020 at 00:00
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Errr...you talk to him?!

Sorry if that sounds flippant, but you are preparing to marry this person - married life is going to present you with far bigger challenges than arranging a guest list for a family celebration. If you can't communicate about this, then what are you going to do when the really big challenges come? It's really not that hard. Presumably you talk about other things, so why not this? Just explain how you are feeling.

BTW, why are you so concerned about the large number of his guests? Is it just the imbalance between his family and yours or are you nervous of getting married in front of a group that size. If it's just the imbalance, I'd let it go - because suggesting he leaves his siblings' partners and children out is likely to sound like you don't care about his family. (Although it's probably easier to get away with a 'no children' rule than a 'no partners of siblings' rule!) If it's nerves, then explain to him how anxious this is making you feel.

If he is concerned that having your brother act as celebrant will exclude his family, why not ask people from his family to be witnesses or maybe do a reading? That would even things up a bit as both families would have some part to play in the ceremony.

As a side note, you might like to do some marriage prep or pre-marital counselling to help you learn how to deal with communication issues - it always concerns me when I hear of couples who are struggling to communicate about the wedding. Communication is key to a good marriage, so it's really worth putting some work into that beforehand.
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