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Lindsey
Curious February 2024 Lincolnshire

Kids or No Kids!

Lindsey, 21 March 2022 at 13:04 Posted on Planning 0 11
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Hi fellow future weds!

I'm trying to work out our guest list, and I'm struggling a bit when it comes to kids.

We don't think we want kids at our wedding as it'll be a bit of an elegant affair, and some of the kids we know can be a smidge rowdy.

That being said, I'm slightly worried because my cousin will have a 4-year-old at the time of our wedding. She lives in the US, and I want to make sure she'll be able to make the trip without any hiccups. So, we're thinking about putting my little cousin on the guest list; however, we still don't want to have to open that up to everyone else's kids.

Is something like this normally accepted, or would other guests be hurt that we didn't invite their children as well (most of whom we've never met).

Thanks! Happy Planning Smiley laugh




11 replies

Latest activity by Yousef, 5 May 2022 at 11:36
  • R
    Super July 2020 Monmouthshire
    RomanticGreenStationery27135 ·
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    If your cousin is the only relative to have a child, then you can get away with it on a 'family children only' rule. If other relatives have kids, then it's a bit harder. One way round it would be to give the child a role in the wedding, because it's normal to have a 'no kids apart from those in the wedding party' rule, e.g. flower girls and page boys can come, but no other kids.

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  • Lindsey
    Curious February 2024 Lincolnshire
    Lindsey ·
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    Hi!

    Thanks so much! She actually is the only family member on both sides that has a kid. I like the "Family children only" rule. He'd also make a cute little ring bearer Smiley laugh so that's a great option, as well!

    Thanks for your help!

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  • Yorkshirelass
    Expert July 2022 Surrey
    Yorkshirelass ·
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    Romantic Green is right. We have no kids at our wedding EXCEPT my two daughters (12 and 14 so not exactly little) and my 2 nieces and nephew (3, 8 and 10). They are all in the wedding party with my sister as maid of honour so that made it easy to say to people- no children except the wedding party. One university friend of mine made a bit of a fuss as she lives in Malaysia but I was able to answer with that reply and hide behind the wedding party line. I am not making any exceptions and as I am an older bride everyone has children and it would become totally unmanageable. I think she thought I would allow her 3 children as they live abroad but no, she had plenty of time to arrange things! Stick to your guns but agree, give the children who do attend a job or role.

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  • Lindsey
    Curious February 2024 Lincolnshire
    Lindsey ·
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    Thanks for your answer! I completely agree. I was thinking about asking my cousin to be part of the wedding party anyway, so having the little one in the wedding party as well will make it simple! It's definitely a good rule to stick to and not hurt any other guests' feelings.

    I'll definitely ask her if she wouldn't mind him having a role in the wedding party!

    Thanks so much Smiley laugh

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  • Maria
    Beginner March 2024 Suffolk
    Maria ·
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    Okay so - slightly more expensive route, my FH & I have decided to have a children's creche for the ceremony and the first hour of photos. We're also going to make a rule of 'no children under 2', we're getting married early 2024 so it basically means that no kids that we don't already know won't be there. Also should excuse screaming!

    Also all children invited will have their name on the invite, and we'll find a polite way of saying 'only those named on the invite can come... sorry!' Stops anyone from bringing a +1 too

    It might also just be worth checking with your venue how many highchairs etc they have, if they only have 1 or 2 then it's a good way of saying 'unfortunately the venue can't accommodate for any more children than those already invited.

    Hope this helps!

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  • Bliss
    Savvy October 2022 West Sussex
    Bliss ·
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    My dads best friend got married and only had me and my 2 siblings at the wedding and no one batted an eyelid, the ones who did make a comment it was explained why and they understood (they didn’t have kids were just curious)
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  • S
    Savvy June 2022 Greater Manchester
    snowshine123 ·
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    We're also having a no-kids wedding, except for our nieces and nephew who are in wedding party and young babies. Me and H2B have a lot of friends with kids, so we initially were apprehensive how this would be taken but everyone has been ok with this. 2 of my friends have had babies in the last couple of months, so felt it was a bit cruel to separate mum from kids, hence why we agreed young babies.

    We also added this to our wedding invite and wedding website to make sure that there are no misunderstandings!

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  • Lindsey
    Curious February 2024 Lincolnshire
    Lindsey ·
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    Hi Maria!

    Thanks for the reply, I really appreciate it! The children's creche is a great idea! We don't know too many kids, but the ones we do know can be quite rowdy. We may try to keep it to family children only (that way it's just my baby cousin who will be invited * insert sneaky haha here*)

    I believe the venue only has two or three highchairs, so that's also something to note. Also, if you find a polite way of telling guests that only those listed are invited, please let me know! I've been mulling over how to handle that for months now 😂

    Thank you again for your help! Happy planning!

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  • Lindsey
    Curious February 2024 Lincolnshire
    Lindsey ·
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    Hi!

    Thank you for your reply! That's really great to hear that no one really cared or felt offended by not having their kids invited. I have a feeling everything will be okay just as it was with your dad's friend's wedding, but one can never be too safe! Smiley laugh

    Thanks again!

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  • Lindsey
    Curious February 2024 Lincolnshire
    Lindsey ·
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    Hi!

    Thanks so much for this! I think we'll go along the "family only" route as well (unless some of our guests have babies in the next few years, in which case, adding young babies seems perfectly fine)!

    Would you possibly be able to let me know how you worded the info for your guests on the website/invites!? I've been struggling on how to make it sound polite 😂

    Thanks again! Happy planning!

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  • S
    Savvy June 2022 Greater Manchester
    snowshine123 ·
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    Hi, to be honest - I told most of my parent friends when we confirmed the date of our wedding very early on - just to get feedback on how they would act if we said no kids. None of them said anything negative about this. In fact, some were happy to have a kid-free day. I do have a friend who is a single mum and the Dad isn't in the picture and initially said she can bring her child (as the child usually comes out when our group of friends meet up). But then thinking about it after invites, I didn't think it was fair in case there was married/co-parenting couple with childcare issues. Everyone's situation is different and it may not always be known public. Luckily my single friend can come along and has childcare for her son :-)
    In terms of wording, we added it as a Q+A:
    "Are kids welcome?

    As much as we love your little ones, we will not be including them throughout the whole day except within the wedding party or young babies, which has been confirmed by us. We will provide local babysitting services if you need any recommendations"

    On our invites, we put:

    "Due to limited numbers, we are unable to extend the invite to plus ones or children except those in the wedding party or young babies confirmed by us".


    Hope that helps and happy planning!! x

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