Let down by my bridesmaids??

With things as they are, this has inadvertantly ruined my hen night plan aswell as i wanted that to be at the castle that she works at as they have a huge outdoor concert and firework disaply. The tickest are far too exspensive for my guests or myself to buy. She offred to get me the tickets for free as her father runs the concert. She knows that i am relying on her to get me tickets yet with not speaking to her. it look slike i may have to cancel the whole thing. I am not a typical 'night on the tiles' person so a night out osnt soemthing i would want to do instead. I just feel so let down.

Should i message her now and have a rant about how let down i feel or wait till after the holiday money was due and passed before getting in touch?

It sounds like you need to see her face to face and if shes not willing to meet up i'd just go round. She may have something on her plate thats stressing her out and pre occupying her? I'm just speculating but either way she needs to either reassure you or tell you she's changed her mind because stringing you along i'm sure is more annoying than her just coming out and sayings shes dropped out.

Hope you get it sorted x

If she still owes money and shes on a holiday booked under your name then i wouldn't wait because you'd be liable for her cost if your the lead passenger.

I am so sorry to hear about your challenges right now! I just absolutely hate it when people keep you guessing and won't talk to you about what they are going through!

The thing is as you are out in the dark, yo have no idea if she is having relationship issues but is too shy/depressed to want to face the wedding, although as good friends, you would want to share something like that for support.

Or she realised she can't afford to go now and feels really bad about it?

Hope she comes clean and put your mind at rest.

Big hugs!

I totally agree that you need to see her face to face rather than use social media or messaging. Its easy to ignore messages but hard to ignore you on her front door!

I can understand your frustrations and agree with the others that you should go and see her face to face...BUT I do think you need to be prepared for the fact that maybe she's realised she can't afford the holiday anymore and is avoiding you rather than being upfront about it? Some people find it really difficult to have frank discussions about these types of things and maybe that's why she's avoiding you? Are you able to split the costs with her if this is the case?

I do know she is having marital issues. The thing is, She is 13 years younger than my uncle and i feel, only married him because she got caught pregnant. She even told me after the wedding that she only went through with it because her dad paid for the whole thing and she didnt want to let him down.

I have always given her support over these things but she doesnt ever talk to me much about it strangely. I dont talk to my uncle anymore really as we all never see each other much now,

The holiday is on her own booking but she only has £800 left to pay and shes on over £18 an hour allbeit part time. So i know affording it isnt really the issue.

The thing is, when my fiance spoke to her, she said she had been staying at her mums for a few weeks with her son and that she couldnt really talk in the office at work in fornt of everyone. Im guessing she has split from him but it doesnt excuse her promising to call us that night. She has lived with him for 2 years now in seperate rooms. I just felt it was an excuse to get my fiance off the phone. It does add up that she didnt get my voicemail because she hasnt been home and she didnt get my twitter and facebook msgs because her computer is at home but i feel like im excusing her as per usual.

I do want to speak to her about how let down i feel but none of this makes up for the fact that as it stands, i have no bridesmaids at all.

Its fair enough to be peed off and your not excusing her, you just need to speak to her when your a bit calmer so it doesnt cause an argument cause no one ever hears each other in an argument. You should deffo go and see her though and just say look i know you've had a lot on your plate but i need to know whats going on and i'm not going to be mad , but ill be more mad if your stringing me along.

Let us know how it goes x

It does sound as though she is avoidable - but if she has split from her husband then she may not want to see you as her hubby is your uncle, she may just feel it's too much at this particular moment in time. I realise that she is cutting it fine time wise with you though. I would make a point of visiting her, just explain how you feel - that you get the impression she doesn't want to be you MOH anymore. I'd much rather her be upfront then let you down by the time it's too late. Now that would naff me off!! I hope you get it sorted and that you're ok, I also hope that she is ok too

I think the best thing it actually to kind of put the wedding aside for a moment and see if she's ok. It sounds like she is potentially going through her own issues, and she might be focused on that. Go and see her, see if she's ok - be a friend. You'll be able to bring up your concerns there if you feel it is appropriate, and you'll be able to judge the context better.

Hey i had similar issues with my bridesmaid stringing me along for the hen do money i had to rebook her place 3 times and she had 8months to save 150 to pay for it and everyone but her managed it in time n i got the usual avoidance etc she has since paid it and im quite glad she has come through and when i finally got her to fess up turns out she had been going through some stuff too!

why dont they feel able to talk to us who knows but as a friend you gotta try and be there if she wont let you and wont open up then dont keep chasing her coz its probably last of her worries if shes going through a divorce etc and i know its hard on you coz your trying to organise a wedding but if she usually lets you down then she probably will again sorry to be blunt but if it was me id treat it as though she wont follow through with her promises and if she does it will be a nice surprise

good luck and i hope it all works out xxx

I'm going to break from most of the pack here and say that I find her behavior unacceptable. This is not to say that I don't think she's having serious marital problems to which you should be sympathetic. However, she has made an important commitment, and as an adult, she should take responsibility for that commitment, whether that means fulfilling, or if unable to fulfill it, being straightforward about that inability. From what you've written though it sounds like she has a tough time with responsibility generally, not just in this situation (canceling planned days and nights out with flimsy excuses). And perhaps her marital difficulties are exacerbating this predisposition.

Nonetheless, while I would not be happy with her behavior, in the end, you have to take responsibility for your wedding. You may have to face the reality that she won't be your BM. You can't force someone to attend/pay their bit/etc. Unfortunately, I'm probably coming at this from a very jaded point of view, as something similar happened to me. One of my bridesmaids recently backed out of her commitment to our wedding in early July citing financial reasons. Though I have my doubts about her financial difficulty (reasons why aren't relevant here), assuming true, what I'm upset about is that I had to chase her down for MONTHS to get her to admit she wasn't coming to the wedding, as she'd avoided my attempts at contact. I know it's often difficult to feel like you're letting someone down, but you exacerbate the situation further when you put it off.