Lonely Bride to be- How to get the girls involved?

Welcome, sorry your feeling lonely, most people who havent been married and arent gettign married anytime soon dont get as excited as us brides to be, nor do they realise the amount of time it takes to organise everything associated with the wedding. i would invite the girlies round for a gilrs night in or night out

I've had no support from any of my girls either and I get married this October. I think some people just aren't interesting in weddings/hen dos and are happy to just turn up on the day and not get involved during the run up sadly

I know how you feel - I felt very few people were excited and only one friend made a real effort with everything.

Dont let it get you down - use hitched instead!

Wow I feel like I am reading about my own situation. I have the exact same problem. My BM's made a fuss when I said I wasnt going to have BM's (one even threatened not to come!). Then when I asked them they were so excited, posts on FB and tears of joy etc. Since then nothing but grief and Diva behaviour! There has been no interest in helping me or being involved in anything. We got engaged in December and I have been planning ever since. We are getting married in April too.

I was in a coffee shop a few weeks back and there was a bride in the shop with 4 of her BM's who had all travelled to be with her, they were getting ready to go with her to have her dress fitted and hair trials. They were all so excited and I could have cried with jealousy!

I completely understand how you feel - I've tried to get my mum involved a lot more as she is very excited Hitched is great for sharing ideas and getting advise and there is always someone who will get excited about the smallest of details!

Hello! Firstly congratulations to you! and seconed ?

Im just starting out myself and have already seen what other people can be like when it comes to weddings! I too have friends that seem really uninterested when I mention anything to do with weddings, so I have just stopped mentioning things all together! My MIL has already tried to change the colour I want so that it fits with the dress she has in mind!!!

I think sometimes people arent interested if it doesnt affect them directly and others are jealous beacuse they want a wedding of their own!

Maybe try having a girls night in, get a take-away and a chick flick and have an evening that has nothing to do with a wedding, your friends and bridemaids may then see that your still you and still need them around you!

Anyway everyone on here is here for the same reason and I am sure there will be plenty of people who will get excited over the litttle things with you!

Im sorry that you feel this way, have you tried talking to them about it? Like others have said maybe have a girls night, you could always find some bridesmaid dresses/hair styles etc you like and show them to them. Weddings can be weird things for people as everyone has different views on them, my sister commented the other day that my wedding was ages away (2 months) so she doesnt see why I cant plan our mums 60th by myself as she is far to busy and I should stop worrying about it.

Im kind of on the other side here, I upset my MOH by going for my first dress fitting yesterday and didnt invite her and my mum by just ploughing on with the invites and not asking her to help, she has now asked what she can do and has made me give her some job, I tend to forget that other people are actually intrested and want to help!

Looks like we are in the same boat Beccalou - I feel like I have picked the wrong bridesmaids. I didn't want a huge number because its not a huge fancy wedding so I went for one good friend as MOH and h2b's younger sister who both seemed pleased at the time. Luckily there hasn't been any diva behaviour. (although MOH says she doesn't like the colour I'm leaning towards for dresses- not that we've looked at any or tried any on yet!)

The more helpful friends have been ones that aren't bridesmaids, but there's only so much I can ask their help or advice with.

It was mentioned that I get the girls together, that might be the problem I have moved away and all my friends don't know eachother, I've got old school friends, work and college friends and childhood friends, who don't know eachother and I don't have lots of girlfriends to be honest or do things in big girly groups ever.

My mum although delighted that we're getting married is not particularly interested in the actual wedding, I asked her if she could keep the dress a secret (Sshh it's ballerina length not floor length!) she said she'd rather not see it til the day so didn't come with me and hasn't seen it. Not that it matters because my BM already described my dress infront of H2B (cry cry cry)

They don't seem to realise I need them to actually HELP not just turn up on the day and look pretty.

Thanks for the shoulders to cry on!! x

I knid of know how you feel; I was planning my whole wedding from a different country and all my BM and mother and everything were in Canada while I was living here in the UK so I was left to my own devices the entire time. No hair trials could be had, no dress fittings with friends or mums, nothing and it was very very lonely. I had no choice but to lean on my H2B and he was amazing. I know you're not supposed to let them see anything, but he knew everything and he was as excited as I was! Make sure you do include him, as he will hopefully be as excited as you are if the BM arn't interested!

Also, like the other ladies have said, use hitched, post pics; we'll all love to cheer you on!

xxAshley

Aw it's horrible to know so many of you are going through this

The idea of a girls night in is PERFECT. I was really upset that none of my bridesmaids were interested but then I invited them round for afternoon tea and they were brilliant - one's offered to help sort my hen do, one's sorting me a load of bunting and they all keep pestering on when we're having a bridesmaid afternoon

DEFINITELY try and sort something like this out!

Yep know the feeling. It's nothing personal but my BMs are all just busy and stressed dealing with their own lives, especially as they are all already married or getting divorced and have kids to contend with. I'm really lucky that I have my mum and sister for support, however my sister has now started a new job working Saturdays so isn't going to be able to come along to any dress fittings and learn how to fasten up my dress, which is a pain, and my mum's on holiday for my next fitting so I'll probably be going on my own. I'm feeling awful as well that everyone keeps mentioning how skint they are and I feel bad that they are all having to shell out for the hen do and wedding hotel.

It's a bit depressing but I find it best not to have any expectations of people, that way if you do get any help or enthusiasm from them it's a bonus!

I sort of had this, but think about it logically. If you and your friends aren't normally the type to have girly shopping trips, nights out etc, then there's no reason that they are suddenly going to have personality transplants and want to do this just because you are getting married. If anything, they may think you've gone a bit weird even wanting to do such things.

I'm not having a go, because as I said, I was in that sort of situation. I saw gangs of girls at wedding fairs, on hen dos etc, and was envious. However, my friends and I never get together in a group. I tend to see one at a time and plenty of my friends don't know each other for that reason.

As to how to resolve things - don't expect the impossible. If even one friend is willing to go dress shopping with you, then that's great. It may take a few trips with different friends, but at least YOU will have the dress shopping experience. Bridesmaids dresses - if they aren't interested, find some you like and ask them to vote! Flowers - well, it's your wedding, your decisions. Can't you and your OH, with help from your Mum, sort out what you want?

Hen party - you may have to forget what you want, and come up with an idea that the girls will like and that they will be prepared to attend. I really really wanted a long weekend away in a cottage / hotel, with a full spa day one day, then out on the town one night, a girly night in on the other night. And certainly not near home. However, some of my friends wouldn't have stayed away one night, let alone 2. Two friends refused to be seen in a bikini/swimsuit. One hates spas. Most couldn't have afforded my initial plans. I ended up with a one night hen do with dinner, show, drinks, club, where people could come to as much or as little as they wanted. Whereas it wasn't my ideal hen do, it DID mean that I had lots of friends come along which, after all, was what I really wanted.

OH I'm now in tears!

Dam hormones!!

Im so sorry your having a rough time.

My CBM is in Australia will 3 weeks before the wedding & my friends aren't overly interested either. My H2Bs BM got married in April & his wife who I only met at the wedding has been my saving grace! She messages me everyday to talk about wedding & plans - she even came dress shopping with me - it's strange as its a new friendship but it's helped me so much!!

If you ever want to chat I can PM you my email address

Pleased don't feel alone x

I know it's hard and I think they should at least make a bit more effort to try and get involved and share in your excitement, but I think it can be hard at times for us brides to be to remember that whilst it massively exciting and preoccupying for us, whilst your friends etc will be happy and excited for you, it won't be as big a deal for them, and they have their own lives to be getting on with.

I've been really lucky with mine, who have been really enthusiastic from the start, but right from the beginning I've always said to them for example about dress shopping and wedding shows etc, not to feel obliged to come and get involved, but if they would like to then it would be great.

Don't let it dampen your excitement. I am always conscious of overloading my OH and BMs about wedding talk, which is the great thing about hitched- I can come on here for my wedding fix and share my excitement and share in all of yours without driving everyone else mad!

x

I am having the exact same problem! I moved from my home town (London) to Southampton almost 3 years ago and ALL of my friends have seem to have forgotten about me. I'm seriously thinking about having no bridesmaids as i cant think of one friend who has been there for me the past 3 years. Not even my sister seems to bothered or interested in anything thats not immediately effecting her. When we first got engaged i was very excited about all the planning and things i would do with my BM's but now it just gets me down when i think that i should be doing all of this with my friends but there not here. I suppose they way we have to look at it is its there loss, there missing out on so much fun. The only person that seems bothered and will listen to me ramble on about the wedding is my 13 year old brother! lol but i think its because we are having a slightly football themed wedding.

I don't really have any advice as i'm also in the same predicament but when i start to feel down i just think f*ck em, its our day and its going to be a brilliant day, well planned by me and other half, I've gone this long without any girlfriends so i don't need them now

And don't forget you have all of us here to talk/rant to we are always here x

Thanks for all your messages of support.

I do feel better already.

The trouble I know what to logically and rationally expect but I can't help that I'm hurt. A great friend at the moment has been my brother's wife (she lives hundreds of miles away but is always willing for wedding chats on the phone and her daughters,my nieces will be flowergirls) But 8 years ago when they got married I was a RUBBISH bridesmaid for her. I was a teenager and I was of no use to anyone, I had no idea what planning and organisation went on and although I didn't make any diva demands I wasn't really involved with any of it. I remember she gave me ONE TASK on the day and that was to wear her engagement ring.... which I didn't remember until it got to the ring promises part ArG! her MOH had to prise it off her finger mid service. It wasn't as if I didn't care about the wedding ( I cried the whole way through their ceremony) I was just clueless.... and I'm hoping that's how my bridesmaids are now. At least my sis-in-law had her MOH who was getting married around the same time and very keen to help.

I can't drag them kicking and screaming to bridesmaids shops, but I refuse to stand idly and not even have a hen night because nobody organises it for me.... I'll organise it myself!!!

M x

I'm another bride2be in the same situ! Can we all have a big get together!?? :-)

I don't have many friends anyway but the ones I do have aren't that interested! No one has even suggested helping out or getting involved with anything! My mother has no interest at all. So yeah. Feel your pain. I wouldn't feel I could sit my friends down and ask why they're not interested though. If they're just not into it then I can't make them!

Oh a big get together sounds brilliant! lol. im thinking about not having any bridesmaids as im not close to my sister and dont have any close friends x

I love being a BM and organising hen dos, I'll happily do it for you!

Hi mollyjollymolly , sorry to hear you're feeling deflated about it all- there seem to be a few of us out there ! I'm an only child,my mum & dad don't live near me and because we're on a really tight budget we are going abroad to get married and have our honeymoon in one. Our parents don't want to travel,my best friend can't afford to come and I have no bridemaids and am unlikely to have any guests. I feel like I am planning this alone and feel really deflated about it all. Your maid of honor should really be supporting you through your planning and it is her job really to sort out the Hen party- perhaps you should ask her if she should step down and find someone else?? I think perhaps a get together for everyone feeling fed up is a good idea- it will probably cheer you up no end :-) xx

Can everyone just state where they're from really quick? Just wondered how far away from each other we all are...!

London!

I'm in Hampton (nr.Twickenham/Richmond) Whereabouts in London are you SingleNoMore? x

It's so sad to see how many girls are in this situation! If I was you I would just say to them about it, just say that you are feeling a bit lonely with all the wedding planning and would anybody like to help as you could really do with some more opinions etc... It's probably that they don't understand rather than that they don't care!

What you said about how your friends don't know each other, I think that's an even better reason to get them all together! Have a big girls night in and you can discuss the hen do, what everyone can and can't afford etc, and then it's broken the ice for the hen do as they will have already met!

And I planned my own hen do! My best friend is far too unorganised so I booked it all myself! The company I used allowed 2 weeks for deposits to be paid and so many people paid in the last couple of days, and didn't reply to my message til the last minute.

Lastly, don't get dis-heartened by this! This is your one and only wedding and you deserve to enjoy every minute of planning it! Whether they want to get involved or not, the best thing to remember is have fun! I've spent so many hours researching colours, flowers, dresses, table decs, all on my own, and I enjoyed every minute of it! I also made all my invites on my own and I enjoyed that too. Try and get out of the mindset that you are doing things alone and just enjoy it and be proud of the choices you make.

And it doesn't have to be a bridesmaid going with you to all these things, any friend will do!

The less people that help you make choices, means the more people that will be amazed at all the choices you've made on your big day.

Enjoy yourself, and don't forget all the hitched girls are here to help xxx

No way! I'm in Strawberry Hill! :-)

Well,as they say-it's a small world ! You're only round t'corner !

I am so sorry to see how many of you are in this situation. My MOH (who is also my sister) has told me on several occasions she's all wedding-ed out. I wouldn't mind but I don't bring it up that often at home as she was a real bore about hers (not that I ever let on). The trouble is she annonced she was engaged and 6 months later tied the knot. I had 19 months when I started organising and still have many more left.

My BM's are all good, one's very excited, she's never been one before and the other has been one once and thinks she's an expert (I keep having to remind her she isn't suppposed to make all the decisions about my wedding!).

Hitched is fantastic because it gives us all a chance to be wedding bores (no offence ladies!) to eachother who are all just as excited as one another and not to our families, friends etc.

I say come to us, we'll be excited for you etc and they can do what a lot of people do and just be there for the day. It's not great but we're all on here for the same reason....to talk weddings with girls in the same position as us!

If you're really feeling let down by them, tell them. Or ask them for help with some aspect of it and tell them you've asked them because they'll be really good at it etc. It might make people more happy to help if they have set tasks!

Hi again.

I'm in Southern Scotland by the way so not so close to you Londoners!

It keeps being suggested that I get the girls together before the hen do.... Getting them together FOR the hen do next year is hard enough!! All my friends are all over the place, it's been hard enough to get my BMs to arrange a time to go bridesmaids shopping in Edinburgh and they both live there! (they don't know each other yet though) I have got somewhere though.... we're going shopping next week WOOP!

AND... I got some keen responses to the hen weekend idea, so it is looking up. It depends what my BMs are like on the shopping trip, I think I might say how hard it has been and ask them to be more involved... but if they seem keen on the dresses and stuff I just won't mention it... I don't really want to let them know how I'm feeling because I don't want to come across as a Bridezilla and they'll be scared they have to say/do the right thing .

We have arranged every detail of this wedding so far around our guests and parents- the season,the date (it's Easter holls for most schools) the venue, the accommodation, the band... I don't mind that to much after all the guests out number us and it's important they are able to come and enjoy themselves but I still want some pampering and spoiling because if i don't get it now from friends & fam then when will I !?!?

Mx

Yay! Glad you've got some responses about your hen do and have a shopping trip planned- enjoy it and have fun-hopefully if it goes well you can say-this has been fun, we should do this again ,and maybe more girly trips out will follow !

Hello, lonely bride alert here too!!

Im in Northamptonshire, Im an only child with a good but not that relationship with my mother, a handful or less amount of friends who seem uninterested, my 2 maids are more than useless with little to no input mine and their choices, mine are diva's when it comes to dresses its been horrible, my h2b works away lonely and stressed doesnt even come close lol

and like most of you although I havent got a group of girlfriends rallying round me, never really have I thought at least they would be excited, wanting to plan my hen do, come to appointments although one maid has been to 2 dress appointments with me so I guess I shouldnt complain.☹️

Southampton but im from London and im up there all the time x

I'm in a similar situation to some of you, in that I don't have any close friends really, and my closest friend (and bridesmaid) I don't see that often.

I was just wondering what you similar ladies are doing for a hen night? I was thinking of just going out for a nice meal with my 2 bridesmaids, a couple of girls from work and maybe family members (I have a few aunts that I'm close to). I've never been one for making a big fuss and I hate crowds and lots of noise.

I would be arranging it myself as well, as one of my bridesmaids is on holiday now until 2 weeks before the wedding, and the other bridesmaid lives at the other end of the country.

Well I cancelled the bridesmaids shopping trip, you may think that's daft as who knows when I'll next get the girls to go... but I just have better things to do on my day off than nag girls to find a dress that they like,look good in and get bought for them and buy them lunch because they "can't afford it".

I'm at my wits end with H2B's sister, the difficult BM, I can't very well call off having bridesmaids as this would shake things up too much and I don't want any more strain on my relationship with his family. She is just horrible and I really have no intention of gritting my teeth and being nice to her again..... I've done enough crying over her already, and if she was ANYONE else I would tell her what a selfish spoilt brat she is being but I can't.

My cunning plan is.... to avoid making contact with her or seeing her at family events for as long as possible, hopefuly up until the wedding?? I know that will not work but I can't think how I'm going to deal with her without getting upset or angry.

Oh no, sorry that they are still being swkward can't your H2B have a word with her? It would be best him telling her that she's out of line and upsetting you as ignoring her may make things 100 times worse. It's his family and he should be stepping in to help with any problems. xx