losing touch with your family....

I pretty much never see extended family, except at funerals. I most likely wouldn't recognise my cousins if I saw them in the street, and a few of them also have children that I've never met. It doesn't bother me, if we had wanted to keep in touch we would have, we just don't have anything in common.

H has a very close family, no siblings but his cousins are close like siblings. We see more of them than we do of my sister/step sister - we are simply not a close family

L
xx

Like you, I have little or no contact with my extended family, and also with rather closer family, such as my step brother and step sisters. I don't really know how I feel about it to tell the truth. My family aren't that close anyway and never have been, so I'm wondering if this is something that's habitual from my upbringing. There again, I'm possibly not the right person to answer this as I'm a bit of a loner and only have a few friends at any one point, so I've never felt the need to have a large social and family circle to fall back on.

I suspect it's a hugely personal thing which fits in with your expectations, personality and how your family conducts itself and what's seen as 'the norm' within this - I wouldn't personally say there's a right or wrong. I'd say be guided by your own emotions and needs, but don't be afraid to change as you feel fit. I don't see the reason to be in contact with my cousins, for instance, and they obviously feel the same way.

Perhaps a good mid-point is doing the 'birthdays and Christmasses' keeping in touch - even if it's just a card - to keep that connection going and that you haven't culled them - and then you can pick it up or ramp it down from there as you see fit?

Same here.

Even my folks got fed up hosting every family get together. When they stopped, none of the aunts / uncles took it upon themselves to do anything - lazy ungrateful feckers.

I still sort of keep in touch with cousins on Mum's side - but then my Mum is an identical twin so is very close to my aunt. On my Dad's side, I don't see anyone, and I don't miss them. Having said that, a cousin on my Dad's side has asked me to photograph her wedding next year so I'll have to see them all then. Eek.

Anyway, I think in the British culture it's quite normal not to be be in close contact with your extended family.

What they both said, and it is the same for H's family too though his is very much like P&P's.

I have more recently got back in touch with my mum's side of the family and am seeing some of my cousins again that I grew up with. I hadn't seen them for 10 years and do you know they have just slot back into my life so easily.

I think you have to ask yourself if you are on the same page as them, I have to admit to having a romantic ideal in my head of having all these big family reunions but in reality that is not going to happen and I am happy just speaking with select members.

On my mums side I think that if her mum and dad weren't still with us it would be a different story, they are the glue that sticks us all together really. Saying that I don't see my adult cousins apart from at family occasions and I can't say that I'm hugely bothered, they don't seem bothered either, some of my younger cousins are practically brothers and I think that we'll always be close.

H's aunts/uncles and cousins we last saw at our wedding 4 years ago, we don't get invited to christmas so next time we'll see them will probably be a wedding/funeral

I am thinking about this more and more as I'm getting quite broody and I want any prospective children to have a strong family base like I've had, I'm sure that my direct family will be there as much as they can be but I'm not sure the extended family will be there other than for "occasions". I'm ok with that though, I'm looking at them like I look at friends, some are unreliable and annoying but a shared history keeps us meeting up and staying friends because it feels like no time has passed since I saw them last.

Interesting thread. Our wedding last November was kind of make or break time for me and my cousins. I have 8 cousins - My Mum and Auntie have never got along to be honest and I don't even really know my 2 cousins from that part of the family that well however its sort of been an unwritten rule that we all get together at the odd wedding.

It came to the time to do our guest list and it was have some of H and I's friends there or have the 2 cousins that I don't communicate with, never get Christmas cards and haven't spoken to in 4 years since my Gran that held us all together passed away. No brainer for me - yes they are family but I have nothing in common with them. I made the possibly politically incorrect decision to invite the other cousins so I guess the signal has gone out that they are culled in case they were in any doubt at all. I don't wish them any ill-will, they are just not part of my life.....

Whilst family is very important, I think friendships can be equally if not more important.