Maid of Honor Issues.....

Aw I really feel for you that things have gone sour with no obvious reason to you. Will she even be at the wedding? I assume you have tried to talk to her about it all. I would write down the things that need sorting as a result of her being useless e.g. making favours, organising a hen if you want, and see if you can draft in other friends. Not sure what is for the best with regards to her being your bridesmaid and the dress you bought. Does she have the dress?

I feel really low... I emailed her last week asking if she still wanted to be a part of our day, she didn't reply. I've also left several calls for her.
I wouldnt be so hurt if I knew why she was being like this. I dont mind if she hasnt got time for favors, its just principle of being told.
The dress is still in the shop at the moment...

My fiance, other friends, family and ex colleagues said that I should just tell her I think its best she steps down from being a BM, but I cant help but feel guilty and heartbroken. I've given her so many chances.

Something's obviously wrong. She sounds depressed. I wonder if her own relationship isn't going well and she's jealous of you? I'd send a text / email / call and just ask her how she is and what's up in her life., if she needs to talk about anything. She might not want to burden you with her problems but that's what friends are for.

Thank goodness you have your cousin to support you in the lead up to your wedding. It looks like you may have to rely on her more than your MOH in the next few weeks. Hope everything works out xx

I'm sorry that you're going through this. I agree that it sounds as though there may be more to it. I think it's best if you speak to her either in person or over the phone and ask her if everything is ok with her, because she seems to you to be overwhelmed. Email can be so easily misinterpreted and this is a sensitive topic. Once you've spoken to her properly hopefully you'll have more of an idea what to do.

Do also get on with the tasks you think have fallen by the wayside.

Oh, drama there you are lol... I have no idea why people act like that, women really confuse me

she obviously has an issue with you for some reason (one of my best friends other friends are constantly acting like that to each other... I genuinely cant keep up with who hates who so I try to avoid it since I dont hate any of them) since this doesn't seem to be a slagging match from your side maybe ask a mutual friend that your still on good terms with to find out why she is mad (its normally something ridiculous and unimportant that sets these things off - I have even know a 2 year fight because girl A was friend with girl B who fell out with girl C, then B and C became friends but C was still mad at A ONLY for being friends with B ?)

personally I would drop her completely because I cant deal with over dramatic crap in my life (if you have a problem just either stop being my friend or tell me whats up I dont have time for silly little games)

good luck

Hi - welcome to hitched ! Everyone here is lovely so you came to the right place !

I'm so sorry to hear of your situation. It sounds as if she has some major issues going on. The most frustrating thing for me , if I put myself in your shoes , is that fact she has become despondent to you. She could atleast give you a reason etc .

If I was you I would try one last time to speak with her. If you can't get hold of her I would just write something along the lines of:

hi , I've been trying to get hold of you for what seems like a lifetime. You have been my best friend for so many years and you have never been like this. I'm worried about you . I trust that you would tell me if something was wrong. Unfortunately I have heard that you have been saying some pretty hurtful things about me. Of course I cannot ask you about this because it appears you no longer wish to speak with me. If this does happen to be true I want to let you know it's extremely hurtful and I feel completely let down. Imagine if this was the other way round? I have tried to give you the benefit of the doubt on so many occasions but it seems this isn't going to change. I feel I don't have any other option but to say that I think it is best you step down as a BM. I need someone who is going to help me through the next few weeks and obviously , for whatever reason you are not up to it. We have been friends many years now and I would love to see you at my wedding to celebrate this next step in my life . Love ----- xx

Hi welcome. It sounds like she is jealous of you to be honest, weddings seem to bring out the worst in some people, sure a lot of brides to be can relate to that. I think you have given her enough chances though, you sound like a good friend and its her loss. It's easy for me to say don't bother with her but I know where you are coming from since you have been friends for years. Send her a final text and if no response then you have to move on. Chin up lovely xx

I would call her on it. Ask her outright why she is behaving like she is. She may have an explanation? If it can't be resolved, sack her off. Friendships do change over time, but do you want someone who has been behaving as bay as she has in your wedding photos and close to you on the day?

Hi - and welcome!

I'm sorry that you are feeling so let down
I agree with the others - you need to find out what's going on with her; maybe ask how she is, rather than how she is in relation to your wedding. You have the right to know why she is doing this.

And as others have said: make a list of the things that still need to be done, and start doing them: especially the hen night; it sounds like you need a good time out with friends!

Good luck x

What a night mare, I would go and see her at her work place, face to face... she can only either A, give you some on the spot made up excuse which I think you would catch on to being made up or B, be honest with you. It could be and hopefully just be that she is really busy and just hasn't had the time or energy to deal with wedding stuff in which case she should step down herself..

Let us know how you get on with it.. I hope it works out well for you.

X

In my opinion, and from experience, I would say the only way you are going to get straight answers from her is to talk to her face to face. If she won't do that, then phone the shop, cancel the dress, ask if you can get the one your cousin likes and make her your maid of honour - she's the one that's stuck by you and it sounds like she's the better option to be frank.

I think that everyone who has said there is more to this than meets the eye is right, and maybe she feels she can't talk to you about it because you are busy with the wedding - but if that's so, then all you have to do is make yourself available and hopefully it will all get sorted out.

Good luck x

Firstly, welcome.

Secondly, I'm sorry to hear she's behaving so badly and taking away from the excitement of getting married.

Its going to bee very hard but I think you need to cut her loose. She practically has done this herself anyway & you don't want to get to a couple weeks to go and then she messes up your plans even more. As it is it's not fair that she's made you go for bridesmaid dresses you & your cousin don't like as much, don't let her rule over anything else at YOUR wedding.

Im so glad to hear your cousin is so supportive though :-)

Sorry but I would not have let this go on for so long and so close to your wedding. She is obviously very jealous of you getting married, new job etc, or she isn't very well. I suspect though, it's the former. I would either try and speak to her face to face or just email her and explain that you don't want her to be MOH again or come to the wedding. Or just make your cousin MOH and completely cut out your friend withou saying any more. If this suddenly springs her into action and she is upset about not being MOH, you can easily justify it to her. You need to think of yourself now. You don't need these kind of people in your life bringing you down.

Collar her and say something like you clearly have a lot going on at the moment, would it be easier for you to be a guest at my wedding rather than maid of honour? Her reaction should tell you everything you need to know.

Something is seriously off, the fact when you met she was your boss make me think she can't stand not controlling certain parts of your big day so she has decide on sabotage instead. Even if you decide to keep her as MOH do not rely on her to do anything other than to wear the dress and pose of pictures, anything she has promised to do I would delegate to others. Worst case scenario you have 2 lots of favours and 2 hen dos!

Im quite surprised how many people are taking tye softy-softy approach... this woman hasnt just withdrawn she has deliberately sabotaged plans, lied and bad mouthed the bride according to the OP... thats not signs of issues in her own life (if she has problems with OH, is worried about work, if her granny just died etc.... there is no reason in any situation like that to act out to the OP) thats signs or just being downright nasty, the OP should focus and not waste anymore time on someone who has already wrote the relationship off and is bitter and childish enough to deliberatly try to ruin things

take the high ground OP dont confront her because its likely to cause a fight or make it worse, concentrate on yourself if you really care leave the door open for her to come to you but dont expect it - if you can find out why she is mad then you at least have piece of mind but asking someone that childish directly wont work well (otherwise she would of told you her problem already like a mature adult)

This! I'd cut all ties from her and be happy that you've got such a supportive cousin to help

Hello everyone,

Thank you to all those that have replied and your support and advice. I tried caling her Saturday, still no response.

So I met up with a mutual friend, who told me that she fine, and everything is good for her at work and the family are all well, so there is no underlying issues with something I don't know about.... the issue is clearly me... because my friend told me that the MOH in question has told our mutual friend she's not coming to the wedding and she cant be bothered with it all now.

So after a lot of heartbreak, I've pieced together an email to her telling her how upset and disappointed I am and that I feel that we can no longer go forward, I said that I miss her as a friend and I'm sorry it has come to it. I thanked her and told her I still loved her, but am hurting so much its best she's not involved in the wedding. I also mentioned that I dont appreciate being talking about behind my back or finding out through a third party she's not coming.

I was very polite and mature about it, so I guess I will have to see what response if any I get....

Thank you all again xxx

I feel for you, I really do.

You've done a very brave thing though in addressing the issue and putting a stop to it as it couldn't have been easy sending that email.

I do think you've done the right thing though and it's her loss.

Look forward to your wedding now, it's going to be one of the most amazing days in your life & you'll be surrounded by those who love and care for you which is what matters.

Sending you a weirdy Internet hug.

I'm glad you emailed her - I would have done the same, how can she bad mouth you and blank you at such an important time in your life. Onwards and upwards and although you must be really hurting just focus on your wedding and your cousin who has been amazing x

Well done on being strong and standing up for yourself! You have done exactly what I would have advised if I'd got to the post earlier. I truly hope she feels utterly ashamed of herself when she reads your email. Your approach is classy and you have very much taken the high road and will come off the bigger person in all of this. I am sorry that you have lost a friend but rest assured you have done the right thing - she doesn't deserve someone as understanding as you as a friend.

Good luck with everything, I hope you have the wedding you deserve and I'm sure your cousin will more than make up for the loss of this other woman.

I'm sorry to hear this. Given all the new information you now have I think you have done the right thing. I hope you can now enjoy the rest of your planning.

Just wanted to thank you all again, your kind words and support encouraged me to do the right thing, even though I feel bad about it, I also feel like a huge weight has been lifted off my mind... now to try and sort out dresses... Hmmm..

If any one wants a charcoal satin mori lee bridesmaid dress with matching jacket, you know where to come!!! LOL

xxx

I'm sorry this has happened to you, but good for you for emailing her. I think she's well out of order personally, if nothing major appears to be happening.

I'd be intrigued to know if she replies or if you ever find out what happened.