making new friends in your 30s

In a word - yes!

I'm 40 in a matter of months and I made an extremely good friend through Hitched two years ago who I now see regularly IRL. My best friend is 10 years younger than me and I didn't meet her until I was 32. H's best mate started going out with a girl a year ago - she's 31 - and she's now also a really good friend. I'm also really good friends with my Personal Trainer who I only met six months ago and I've got another close gym friend who I met three months ago.

I guess it "helps" that we don't have children who may make it more difficult to get out and about (and accept social invitations) and we've moved around the country quite a bit and we travel overseas a lot with H's work and so I meet a lot of new people that way too.

But thinking that you're not going to make any new friends past your mid 30s? Flip, that's really depressing. You've got decades ahead of you!!

Gosh, I feel like I "collect" new friends every couple of years!! School friends, then Uni friends, then work friends from various jobs. When our children were born, there were NCT friends, then we left London for the West Country whern our eldest was 3 months old, and it became toddler group friends, village friends and neighbours. H started playing football in the village, and most of the players' wives have children the same age as ours, so we see a lot of each other. And of course the Bristol Etceteras. I find it really hard "maintaining" my friendships as they're so spread out across several groups ?, but I really appreciate knowing so many wonderful people (and it would appear I now seem to know someone in every country and major city in the world...).

So my advice? Put yourself out there. Most people are open to new faces if you've got something to say for yourself (or are prepared for them to say something about themselves ?). Especially young families I find are very keen to mingle in order to share the burden of baby-sitting, especially in emergencies etc, and general toddler-socialising!

MrRache and I have met a very lovely couple through Hitched. Forums make it easy to see whether you'd get on with someone, and although I'm not on Hitched often qenough now to make new friends, when I was on all the time, I knew quite quickly hich people I think I'd get on with IRL, and for the most part that's been true for those whom I have met.

Outside of internet-friend-dating, I've found having children the best for making new friends. I have a group of friends who bonded over antenatal classes, and four years on we are still friends. The husbands know each other well enough to have a drink together. We have a couple who are neighbours of ours too, and another few couples whom I know through a pregnancy yoga class. They're newer but I still consider them potential good friends. Time will tell.

I have a completely different set of close friends to the ones that I had around 8 years ago. I'm 33, and in the last 12-18 months have made two new very close friends and about half a dozen less-close-but-still-good-friends friends!

I hope that I'll meet lots of new friends as I grow older - people change, move on, develop different interests so friendships will of course change and so I'm always keen to make new friends.

I'm nearly 31 and I am finding it harder and harder to maintain friendships with Uni and school friends.

But that is mostly because I am so busy with my "mum" friends and with Uni (take two) friends that I have just met.

I think a lot of friends, especially the good ones, come and go as if you've never been apart, and it is a natural thing to happen that some disappear.

Once you get to our age with husbands, family responsibilities (both older and younger!) and as our working lives get more and more responsible, it is harder to keep in touch and perhaps in some ways it is harder to get to know new people. Not that that should be an excuse mind you, just a reason that things seem to dip a little.

Some of my closest friends are those I would never have suspected I would have got on with, so give it time. Remember when we were younger our friendships took time to develop. ?

So how do you make friends then?

I have gotten to mid thirties and have 1 friend and a couple of aquaintences (can't spell it) I have tried talking to mums in the playground but they all have friends already and they don't seem to want to 'let me in' to their groups.Its just like school all over again.

I was 38 when I got divorced and made many new friends during that time.

I'll tell you something, that's when you find out who your true friends are!

Never too late to make friends, I'm still meeting new people and making friends with some of them. Depends how "friendly" you want to get .Oneofmyoldestfriendswasjustsayingtheotherweekthatshecan'tbearsedmaking new friends and would just like to keep to the ones that she already has .

No set rules here ?

dont know what

Oh yeah, i completely forgot about the NCT crowd. Right, i think i'd better have them over soon!! (if they'll still have me, since i actually forgot to go to a dinner thing a few weeks ago!!)

We've just moved house and there are some people roughly our age in the close - maybe they'll be nice (and like us back!?) - time to do a Bree and pop over with cookies or something stalky!!

And then i supposed there's work types - i could invite a few people out who i don't loathe or who H hasn't already burnt a bridge with!

Good - i was just feeling a little bleak thinking that i'd be stuck with the same safe crowd for the rest of my life - bless em love em squeeze em.

I met up with a couple of girls from Confetti when I was getting married and 5 years later we're still friends and meet up.

Other 'new' friends are from old jobs - I tend to move every 2-3 years and stay in touch with the people I got on well with.

Others are people H has worked with - one girl in his team I got on well with the couple of times I met her. She left and went travelling and arranged a get together when she got back, I think inviting us as she fancies H ? We swapped numbers and have been out with her and her boyfriend since.

I have made a great friend through the internet and Hitched, (LaP?) you could see if there is anyone local to you ?

Don't know how old your little one is, but we're definitely making new brilliant friends through having a 3 year old, first of all we live round a park, so see the same faces all the time and have time to pick out the quality ones for nights out etc, but also now he's started school a few good ones have turned up.

I make new friends all the time and I'm 37. Work accounts for some of it and the NCT group are all lovely. I made a new friend last week at a wedding- our husbands work together and we just clicked. I also have friends I made when using Confetti for wedding planning, even though we've all moved to other forums now. Schoolfriends nowadays get Christmas and birthday cards and that's about it.

Maybe its me then, I must give off some vibes that people find offputting.

The eldest has been at school for 2 years and I still find it lonely in the playground.I even had a body shop party and invited 15 or so people and 1 turned up even tho some said they would come and the next day no-one said anything about not being there.

Now I feel really depressed...

H and I moved back to the UK 2 and 1/2 years ago, and really have only 1 couple who are friends that we've met since we've moved back. All our 'old' friends live miles away so we only see them occasionally. We tried joining clubs and activity groups and stuff but didn't really find anyone on our wave length. And we work from home most of the time so no scope there! Everyone I've mentioned it to says that they make new friends easily through having children...

I'm not going to have a child just so I can make some friends though ?

Although we havent moved back to the UK...we are in exactly the same position as you and I find it terribly depressing! Like you ...I dont want to have a child to be able to make friends ☹️

I don't really have time for friends!

I have one good friend who I see every couple of months-but she lives in Kent, which is miles away, so we can't see eachother very often.

My best friend moved back to Cape Town, so we chat online, but obviously don't meet up very often!

I go out with people after work now and again, but to be honest, if I'm not working, then I'm busy - so I really don't have time for loads of friends!

I think I'm a bit of recluse on the quiet!

Dancing did it for me, to the extent that I really have to 'screen' phone calls at times or I'd never be off the blooming 'phone!

I think, with regard to activities, you have to be honest with yourself about 'who you are' and do something where you 'fit', I shoot & I'm a member of a Rugby club, I love both passionately but have no real friends at either club, plenty of guys talk to me and we have fun on trips/at the range/matches... But I could count on my fingers the number of times anyone from either has phoned me or met me socially (not related to club activities). The dance set on the other hand.... I just instantly 'clicked' with.

I met one of my closest friends when I was nearly 40 - she was a student intern at work, and I was supervising her.

We hit it off immediately (one of those complete gut-instinct things), and by the end of the morning we discovered that we had a ridiculous number of common interests (including really unbelievably obscure stuff), and we went on to develop the most symbiotic professional relationship I think I've ever had - including co-writing a major magazine feature (which gave her a massive career boost) and developing lots of similar projects.

There's a huge age gap, but it hardly matters: in fact, I think the fact that we're different generations (and nationalities) helps enormously, not least because the answers we give each other are far less predictable than they'd be if we asked the same questions of our own contemporaries.

And over the same period she got married and divorced, so I've had to be a marriage guidance counsellor as well - a real shame, as he seemed like a genuinely nice guy, but he had deep-seated problems going back years that she ultimately couldn't do anything about.

I've kept the core of my friendship group since teens, but that really is just a handfull of people and has only expanded by the inclusion of partners. Otherwise, I've made lots of friends as I've gone along through work, common interests, moving house, having children- and hitching!

I think the trick to making friends is not to actively TRY but to just be yourself, be friendly and approachable and see what happens. I didn't join my gym to make friends but you get to recognise people and then you smile and then say hello and conversations start. I've made friends with a fellow dog-walker who lives a street away - our dogs got "chatting" and so did we and now we often meet up for a walk. It just happens.

Fingers crossed this year H will get his dream job in Australia and we'll make the move down-under. I'm really excited - I can't wait to make loads of new friends and start a new life. It doesn't occur to me that I won't make any or it'll be difficult.

It's interesting what Croyde said earlier on about wanting to have to have a child to make friends. You have to have more in common with somebody than just a child of the same age. It's like being friends with your neighbours. I need to have more in common than just a postcode! Or at work - more in common than just adjacent desks!

I think as long as you accept that friends come and go in life and it's not always realistic to expect to be friends at 40 with people you went to school with at 15, then you'll go on making new friends throughout life. We all change as we grow older and I think our friends should, to some extent, change and adapt with us.

Just as I've turned 30 I've moved to a new country and had to start making friends all over again. For me it really is in a mind set. In london I pretty much had all the friends I wanted and thought I needed - work friends, uni friends, random friends - and generally I was very closed to meeting new people. However here in Dubai - I knew no-one except my H and was so much more open to meeting new people. If I met someone I liked I would suggest we meet for coffee or a drink - in London I would never do that! Here it seems the norm and I have to say that I'm loving it. In just six months the range of friends I have and the people I have met have really grown - I really would say go for it - suggest meeting with people - what's the worst that anyone can say - No? In which case you just won't be friends with them. Hope the ramble makes sense!

I got divorced this year and it gave me the kick up the bum to get out there and meet new people. I've also managed to rekindle old friendships that had fallen by the wayside. When I was with the ex, I didn't have much of a social life but now I'm very rarely in. It's hard to motivate myself sometimes and there are times when I feel totally fed up with going places on my own but I do it. It's better than sitting in on my own every night.

My tip is to have a look and see what adult education courses are run by your local authority. I joined a choir back in September and love it! There are some lovely people in the group and I have made some tentative friendships that I hope will blossom.

In the New Year I plan to go to salsa classes (with one of my choir friends) and join Weightwatchers. Not necessarily to make friends but to stop feeling like I am stagnating.

Anyway, this has been all about me, me, me. Apologies. I just wanted to let you know that it is possible to make new aquaintances - sometimes when / where you least expect it. Just pick something that you fancy doing and go for it!

Good luck!

I'm 34 and continue to make friends all the time. I met a good friend just 2 years ago at the gym. I've still a few old school and college friends. I suppose I just love meeting new people.

I think I've a closer group of friends now than i ever have, having children has really intruduced me to so many new friends, many of them BTers