Marmalade!

? she calls her the chocolate girl do dee do doo doo doo doo dee dee dee

"PSA" ?, Wispas are coming out here (permanently) on 24 September, before England. Tell your mates.

No, have not upset any DUP neighbours or their immediate families, have been model of decorum. Am currently trying to shift unwanted baybeh stuff out of house - where should I send it? Why is there so much of it?

Also am becoming proper member of community by signing self and runts up for mums and tots group at one of the many local churches. Was going to join baybeh yoga at David Lloyd but decided that nerves only up to so much societal intergration at a time. Also have no tracksuit and arse too fat to consider wearing one in near future.

Am mildly concerned about mums and tots as runt 1 has new favourite hobby - hitting people. Joy. Will doubtless be labelled problem child, and if news of recent fishwifery has spread, may be subject to whispering.

When people here were going daft about Wispas, I kept saying, "They're coming back permanently, don't panic", but no one listened did they? No, it was all panic buying and emailing petitions to Cadbury.

Mr A told me a rumour that Wispa removal and reinstatement was so popular that Cadbury were going to do it with Crunchies as well. However, he has heard no more about this, so it may be a LIE.

Mums and tots, with a hitter, is going to be hell on earth, isn't it? Hopefully the other one will be cute enough to deflect any attention from the violent one. Mr A has helpfully taught them "how to speak Welsh" by making them go "cccccccchhhhhh". It was in some sitcom apparently.

<paints on happy face>

<crash>

Marmalada! I have a card here I was going to send you before going to NY, and I forgot. I am a crap friend. To make up for it, I will come to Norn Iron and trip up the 'orrible boys' granny.