Marriage Preparation Course

What is this course? I mean, what do you have to do at a course like that?

We went to one out of two last week. Our was church of England so a bit milder I would expect although the church is quite high church. We had a practical part involving speeches from choir, organist, florist etc then were given some exercises to do such as looking at road signs and choosing what would represent our marriage and why. We had lunch with a link couple who were a long married couple from the church, and we were given quizzes about each other/ourselves/our individual plans and expectations that we have to complete individulally and then at the next session we discuss anything that came up. They also asked us what our reasons were for getting married in church.

I went on one for my first marriage. Can't say that worked out too well!

We're having a catholic wedding too and our priest mentioned it but didn't say it was a course with other couples, he just said we fill our forms and questions about each other and do some fun exercises. He told us to have at least one date night a week..just us out for a meal or something and remember why we love each other all the time etc, he genuinely gives great advice and is a lovely man. Wish it was as easy as that with our son though haha! I hope it's not the same for us with the other couples thing as i'm quite shy in these situations haha!

We got married in a Catholic church (in Ireland) and had to do a marriage preparation course - we did it in Oxford but I can't recall the organisation that ran it. We thought it was a really good as it went through the practical aspects of marriage - it wasn't too religious which was just right for us. It was run by 4 married couples and there was about 15 couples of us there. The content was:

Expectation of Marriage; Handling Conflict – The Way to Grow in Love; Christian Marriage; Sexual Aspects of Love and Fertility Awareness; The Marriage Service & Communication

They got us to fill out short questionnaires on the above topics and it was quite interesting. Having been with my OH for ten years, I thought we knew everything about each other but we did learn a few bits on the course!

Feel free to ask me anything u want!

Oh it's not anything too embarrassing is it? I hate that we have a son as I feel some people might be judgemental that we didn't get married first haha, priest doesn't mind at all but some people (my gran) think that way still and I feel really paranoid about it ?

Do you remember what kind of questions there are to give us a rough idea of a few?

I'm going to classes with the pastor who is doing our blessing! 1 session every other week for the next few months. (Will be 10sessions in total)

only had one session so far but it's been good! Looking forward to next weeks session.

Sorry - my post was probably misleading. Nothing embarrassing - the quizes were for ourselves to fill out and then compare - we didn't have to talk about anything to the group. The quizes were on communication, conflict resolution and just our expectations of marriage in general. Oh and there was some on how our parents did things but nothing intimate or s3x related.

I went to one. I was appalled. Half the people treated it like a joke and were there because the priest wouldn't marry them otherwise. I didn't find it funny and wish we hadn't gone. It might hold some value for believers.

I personally don't thing the classes are just for 'believers' and do believe they can be valuable for any couple regardless!

I've been told of couples who have decided to go their separate ways and call of wedding plans during their sessions simply because they realised they are not right for each other!

dont get me wrong the aim of sessions is not to break up relationships but more to looking at ways to manage different aspects of marraige

I have only commented on the one we went to. I would imagine there are some good ones.

Oh that's good then! Doesn't sound too bad, i'm sure we'll cope with that! Sounds like it might be quite fun

We had heard horror stories of ones our friends went to back home where they had to fill our massively long questionnaires before the session and then spend an entire weekend with the other couples discussing their relationships! Needless to say their feedback was that they got nothing from it. We honestly loved ours - we thought it was really helpful and still refer to some of the stuff that was discussed. It did help that there was no prep involved and it was only for one day.

I just had a look at some of the handouts/quizzes - here's an example of one of them about finance - we both filled out our own forms and then read each others - it was interesting to see what we had answered similarly on!

How do you feel about joint a/c? Is this what you want? is this what your parents had? Would you still want a separate a/c? What other arrangement would you want?

It then asked how would you spend a windfall of £100,000 & if the cheque was addressed to only you, what would you do. The final question on that sheet was If you were to get a wedding present of £10k, how would you spend it?

I was just saying... Wasn't picking at what you said!

I have a feeling we'll enjoy ours if it's anything like yours! Sounds interested, I actually like being asked questions like that about the relationship that you have to think about and wonder what OH will say etc As you say too gives something to talk about in future as well. Looking forward to mine now actually haha! Thanks for all the info you've gave

We didn't do one, but it can't be a bad thing to formally discuss your proposed financial arrangements, thoughts on potential childern, etc? Too many times on here I've seen couples split up because they didn't discuss really fundemental things before getting married. The things that actually matter; not favours and dress fittings.

Exactly! That's why I booked us on it. We got nothing from it and it was terrible, but if well done it's that sort of stuff that's VITAL. I see people on here saying 'I am hoping he'll forget about wanting kids, I'm getting him a dog instead' and that kind of thing. It makes me cringe. That type of fundamental division in a couple can't be ignored and hoping it'll go away is not helpful. Marriage prep should be discussing pregnancy/abortion/miscarriage/children, serious illness, caring for relatives, redundancy/poverty, infidelity, communication, financial priorities etc etc etc. As well as all the wonderful positives.

My H2B is Catholic, whereas i dont follow any religion. As he's letting me have free reign on everything to do with the wedding.....although he's excited to get involved with everything.....his only request was that we have our marriage blessed by a Priest. Being the lovely fiancée I am, I said we could get married in his Chapel and he's ecstatic at this....but it means we will have to attend marriage classes. Wedding is August 2014 so not for a while yet. To be honest I'm a little nervous and unsure, but I'm doing this for him as it really means a lot to him and he's got a very strong belief in his faith. He's completely assured me I'll not be "brainwashed" etc.....my mums Catholic, dad Church of Scotland so I've always been pretty on the fence and was never brought up to follow either faith and its resulted in me being a little dubious about religion. However, I have complete respect for people with strong beliefs etc....but as I said I'm a tiny bit nervous! I've no idea either what it involves, although I do know that the Priest has asked that if we get married in the Catholic Church that our children are brought up as Catholics. I've got no problem with this as I know H2B will take all to do with that side of things.....but I'm ever so slightly miffed that it would be a stipulation.

sorry, I've not really been much help here! Just a little bit of a vent I guess! But when I attend these classes I'll update!! xx

We obviously diddnt do one- having a heathen civil ceremony n all but what happens if the questionares or the priest/vicar/pastor says you are not compatable? It would do untold damage I would imagine to your relationship which presumably up until that point was going well or you wouldn't have been there? Are they allowed to tell you that you are not right for each other?

They aren't marriage counsellors. And they don't declare opinions on your suitability. They encourage you to consider scenarios and improve communications whilst things are good, to give you best chance of coping as a team when things are bad. They also encourage that couples turn to the church community and god when things are difficult.

There are lots of marriage prep courses atheists can go on if they wish.

Bugger. I wish we had known.

thanks for answering my question though kg, I wasn't casting aspertions, just trying to understand the content on these courses.

Our marriage prep course asked us questions such as "have you talked about whether you want kids" and "How good are you with money."

I couldn't help but feel that if you haven't talked about these things already then why are you getting married? Do people really get married and then think about whether they are compatible?

Sadly, yes. Or rather, they're aware those issues are 'out there' but bank on them disappearing or the other person changing.

We're having a civil ceremony but thinking of booking a marriage prep course - we've talked about finances/children/what we'd do in different situations etc over the years but we just thought it might be good to do anyway and interested to see what comes out of it and whether it's helpful to us. We're spending so much time & money on the wedding itself it seems to make sense to spend a little bit of time preparing for it in other ways too.

I find it so bizarre that people don't have these conversations prior to getting engaged. To me, you end up having these conversations when it becomes a serious relationship.... oh well, I suppose this keeps me in a job....

The one we went on was terrible and left me angry and upset, however, with regards to our relationship - it was further proof, for Andy and I, that we're a perfect fit. We see all of the key things the same and have all the same fundamental hopes and plans for our individual and joint futures. That was a key factor in deciding to get married. Can't imagine doing it the other way around... setting a date and then considering the important stuff. We didn't live together until we were engaged for the same reason. Can't see the benefit in living together then finding out you're incompatible in key areas and having to unwind the whole thing.

I wish I'd been as wise when I was younger, lol!