Marrying in secret here before the ceremony abroad...opinions please?

Hi,

We are getting married in the Uk before our cermony due to spanish laws- our guests are aware of this but are still happy to come out to Ibiza and celebrate our day with us as we are classing it as the actual wedding rather than just the legal bit!. Granted our situation is a little different to yours but i am sure if people you invite are aware of the reasons why you have done it they would still be happy to come and celebrate your day with you. x

Personally, if I had spent a lot of money and flown to the Caribbean for a wedding, only to find out that the couple were already married, I would feel cheated. However, if I was told beforehand that they were planning on getting married here first, and the reasons why, I would have problem at all!

And also for you, although it's a nice secret for just the two of you, I think I would be constantly worried about someone finding out, either at the 'wedding' or at a later date (if they see your marriage certificate for example). Plus, when would you celebrate your anniversary? And for me, I think getting married in secret, and not being able to tell anyone or celebrate, would be really difficult (we briefly considered doing the same thing, as we couldn't legally get married at a venue we loved, but could have a blessing/pretend ceremony, but just wasn't for us).

x

Ive done exactly that , due to translating the oh,s divorce documents & having to wait for the certificate to come , we decided to do the legal bit here first . so I got wed on the 18th feb & will renew our vows in cuba in may . we are treating cuba as the wedding & only the 2 witnesses know about the legal wedding . im lucky in that we aren't having anyone come to cuba so we never have to tell anyone . ive checked with the wedding planner & we will still sign a certificate & exchange rings , however our original place of marriage will be mentioned by the registrar , so we will have to put music over the video !!! maybe you should sound people out first , im sure most will still come if you explain that you consider it to be your big day . good luck with what ever you decide .

My question is, how would they find out unless you or OH tell someone? =)

We're having a secret legal marriage on the Saturday before our wedding in France. We're not even inviting parents, just the best man and MOH as witnesses. We won't celebrate it, it will just be us signing a piece of paper. No photos, no flowers, no special clothes. NOT a wedding.

My thought is that the wedding is where you demonstrate your love for each other and ask your friends and family for their support in helping you in your relationship and life together.

If I were you, I just wouldn't tell anyone. It's signing a piece of paper. That is all!

I'd also feel cheated if I found out later that I had flown all that way not to witness the actual wedding. Plus remember that you will have to maintain the lie forever, since you will have to pretend that your wedding anniversary is on a different date.

We married on Zanzibar, and had the certificates and documents sent to our honeymoon hotel only 3 days after the marriage after they had been sent to the relevant authorities and stamped. It was all very very easy. Do you have to marry in the Dominican Republic, or is there any flexibility? I'm sure there are many locations that won't give you hassle with paperwork!

Thanks for all of your advice. OH and I went to travel agents yesterday and she advised that we do just marry abroad, as they have had couples marry in secret in the UK first and it has all gone terribly wrong!! I don't think I could deal with that, so looks like we're just going to go abroad to do the whole thing and then wait to legally change my name. X

Hi

We thought about doing something similar as the countries we wanted to marry in meant we couldn't have a legally binding ceremony there. I mentioned it to a girl who I work with and she was quite vocal about it. Eek. Her best friend has just done exactly that. There are about forty people flying out to Italy for a "wedding" but they will already be married. Apparently the guests are in uproar about it. They have been told where to stay, when to fly etc and it is not cheap!

From what I understand they didn't discuss it with people in advance though. - I think if people are given a choice then it is up to them. It is your day and you should do what you want but personally I think upfront honesty is the best policy. These people love you so they would understand.

xxx