Meeting the Vicar

You will probably be asked do you believe in god? why do you want to marry in the church? why this church? do you attend church regularly? expect to be invited to attend regularly we now attend on a weekly basis from just going to the big days.

just be yourself and in general priests are lovely

Thanks lovelygirl. I'm sure it'll be fine and my h2b will be there to hold my hand and he's the reason I want to get married so it'll be worth the nerves!

Oh my gosh...you have read my mind! We are also meeting our vicar tomorrow! I have spoken to him on the telephone and he seems lovely. he has clarified that we can get married at the church as we have never been married before, not related (I never understnd that question!!) and at least one of us has been baptised/christened. I thought it might be a problem because I have a son from a previous relationship and we also have a son togther but the vicar says that there is no issue with that. Phew!

I'm just so worried about what questions he's going to ask us!! Do you believe in God? "Really not sure Vicar...do we have to believe in him?" isn't going to go down well! Why do you want to get married in a church? "Because it's romantic and I want to float down the aisle in a huge dress" also isn't going to go down well!

I think I need to start 'googling' some appropriate answers! I feel sick. What sort of answers have you thought of?

I'm not going to sleep tonight!!

H2B has just said "WHAT?? He's going to ask us questions?!?! I just thought we were just going for a cuppa!"

HELP!!!! xxxx

Oh Eliz!! I'm feeling better and worse after reading your reply. Better as I know I'm not the only one freaking out but worse because I haven't thought of any answers either! I think googling is the way to go. Let me know what you find and I'll see what I come up with. Should ask the h2b too I guess?!

?

Google is a wonderful place! Ok, here's what I have found...

Do you believe in God? "Yes" (With geniune-ish smile on face!!) "I do, but I don't always understand him and the way that he works"

Why do you want to get married in a church? "I want to make my vows in front of God and aswell as my family"

Let me know if you find anything else!

H2B has suddenly claimed that he is ill and 'might not be up for meeting the vicar tomorrow.' I'll kill him!! (H2B, not the vicar!)

Elizabeth xx

Well done! I can't find much else but loads of people saying it was fine and the vicar was lovely and very normal and such. Not read any horror stories yet which is a good sign.

I'd be fuming with my h2b if he said that. Dose him up with Night Nurse and he'll be fine - if he knows whats good for him. My h2b is not worried at all and has the gift of the gab so he can take the lead!

What time is your meeting?

x

Hey ladies,

Dont panic! Most vicars are lovely.

In answer to your questions - why do you want to get married in a church? Because it's a beautiful setting, your parents/relatives did and you wanted to carry on the traditionl/you wanted the white wedding and loved the idea of the traditional oldy worldy church to add to the ambience of the day plus it will make a lovely back drop for your pics.

As for do you believe in god? You could say not sure at the moment, Ive been brought up to believe (if you have) and love all the celebrations (eg Christmas) if you do or if you dont want to say not sure just say I believe in something and am spiritual (if you are) and believe in heaven etc if you do.

I'm sure they don't ask these to trip you up.

I'm getting married in the local church in marazion in Cornwall and he's agreed to do it because it means so much to me but h2b isn't religious at all!

Don't panic and most of all be yourself - enthisise the fact that you love the surrounding etc if you are stuck.

HTH

Emxx

Hey Dilly, our meeting is at 2pm today....I'm getting nervous!! Have you had your meeting yet?

Em, those answers are fab...I'm gonna use some of your ideas, thanks!

Fingers crossed! I'll keep you posted!

Elizabeth xxx

No worries, glad I could help. Good luck and keep us posted ? xx

Best of luck both of you, but please remember churches are houses of worship for religion not for pretty pictures.......

Yeah I go quite regularly to mine but it doesnt stop me wanting it to be a nice back drop - fact. There is nothing wrong with that and the inside is for worship - the outside is nice for pictures.

Are these your real reasons for getting married in a church?

What a lovely way to put it Em! I completely agree!

I hope no one has taken offense to any of my posts. I do believe and really want to be married before God in a church. My worry is because it's not in my parish and there may be a problem because of that. I'll let you know after our meeting at 4pm.

x

Getting married out of parish should not be a problem if you have a link.... I seem to be doing it the most difficult way imaginable! We are getting married at my parents parish 2.5 hours away from where we live and FIL2b is going to be our celebrant and he is from another diocese..... meaning getting lots of permissions from bishops.... It also means at our wedding we will have two priests (one is the parish priest and will be our registrar and the other FIL2bs boss) and FIL2B as the deacon. We are also bringing in an organist from elsewhere to boot so that FIL2b boss can be driven home afterwards! Luckily we are having our marriage prep classes with our parish priest in Bristol who i somehow invited over for dinner in two weeks time....

I am sure it will be absolutely fine! It will be a breeze compared to the hoop jumping we have had to endure.... but worth it definitely worth it!

Em...you are a superstar! I was feeling a bit miffed (and thinking that I had offended some people by my posts) but you are right - inside for worship and outside for lovely pics! The vicar was lovely and totally knew where I was coming from! He actually said "This is a lovely aisle for walking down in a beautiful dress on your father's arm" Thank-you Em xx

Dilly...I'm dying to know...how did it go??

Ours went really well! He was a lovely vicar, so caring and 'down-to-earth'. He didn't ask us any questions about religion, although I went prepared with my answers! He took his time showing us around the church, explained all the legal stuff and really got to know us! I feel so much better than I did this time last night! xx

Aww that's so nice, thank you. See I told you it would be ok!!

Pleased for you ? ? xx

Thanks Dilly

Hope you went on ok - you have a right to believe whatever you want to and your reasons are your reasons alone, remember that xxx

Hi all!

It went really well. ? Elizabeth, I'm so glad yours did too! Was thinking of you at 2pm.

The Vicar was lovely. We were there about an hour and he asked us none of the questions about beliefs,etc even though I'd thought about it all. He was so nice about the out of parish bit saying that if I was prepared to say I lived at my parents and leave a suitcase there and have our Banns read in three churches it would be fine. He was the one telling us how to bend the rules, as he said he feels rules are there to be bent for the right reasons. We even got on to talking about the cost of everything and how many things you can have at a wedding that you don't really need. He's not a fan of favours!!! He was also really pleased when my h2b asked to be christened and as he can be christened in the church we wish to be married in then it will help with our connection.

All in all it was a very good meeting and afterwards we went to my Mum's and had a roast so no cooking for me either! Bonus!!

And now I'm shattered but happy as nearly have a date for our wedding! As long as the hotel still have the date free when I ring tomorrow! Oh there's my thing to worry about til the morning!! ?

Glad it went well for you Dilly and he sounds lovely! It is also lovely that your H2b wants to get christened in the church you are going to get married in. We are also having to say i live at home with my parents to bend the rules in our favour a little bit..... I think loads of people do it.

Hi Dilly,

So, so, so pleased it went well for you both as well! Was thinking of you at 4pm aswell! Your vicar sounds fab! How lovely that he'll christen your H2B! I bet you feel sooooo relieved that it's sorted! Our vicar asked for a provisional date and we hadn't gone with one in mind (we thought we might have to be really flexible) but he had loads of spaces so we now need to think about a date and where we want the reception and when the venue is free! Eek! Have you booked a date?

Do you mind me asking about costs? I'd read some books before going to meet the vicar and they were giving me rough estimates of costs for a church wedding but the prices he quoted us seemed to be a lot more than I'd expected. I've set my heart on getting married at this church so we'll pay the bill but I was just interested in seeing what other churches charged? Please don't feel you have to answer my question if you don't want to! :-) The church we are getting married in is based in Leicestershire. The overall quote (which included legal fees, church costs, choir, bell ringers and organist) came to approx £1,500. What do you think?

Elizabeth xx

This sounds really stupid but how do you go about booking the vicar? and also can you book a vicar if you dont attend chruch. Im a little religious, went to church when i was younger but not much since i left home. I thought about just having a registrar but then my H2B said he would like a minister as he is quite traditional when it comes to getting married (believes in only doing it once, believes a minister should be joining us in front of god), although he is not over religious i think he would like the minister to do it as it seems "more proper".

thanks girlies

p.s. sorry for stealing this thread lol x

Tee Hee! That's ok! Apart from booking the vicar I hadn't a clue how else to go about sorting out the church either!! I don't attend church regularly either (maybe 4 times a year?) and don't have a regular church. H2B and I had sort of decided on one we quite liked, I found the church's telephone number on Goggle and just rang them up and made an appointment. Met the vicar on Sunday, he was LOVELY, there was no pressure to say then and there whether or not we wanted to get married there (although we did because we fell in love with the church and the vicar!). I've also heard that if you can't find a telephone number on Google, look on the church notice board for a contact person or go to a Sunday service and speak to the vicar briefly before or after? Hope this helps? x

That great help, one or two more questions though, does it have to be your local church as we are getting married on the side lawn of our reception venue, so wasnt sure who we should ask as we arent actually getting married in a church x

Oh dear, I'm sorry, I don't know the answer to this one! Could you ask the venue who the local vicar/vicars are and then make contact with them? Maybe the venue have regular contact with vicars? Ask about previous weddings held there and who previous couples have had to contact?

As for your local church, I don't think that matters. Our local church is a two min walk away but we are getting married in one a ten mile drive away! The vicar did say to us as we weren't getting married at our local church we had to let the vicar of our local 'parish' church know that we are planning on getting married 'elsewhere' and need to seek there permission (he says that this is never a problem though). The only legalities are that your 'local parish' church has to read out a set of 'banns' before you get married elsewhere. Hope I've not confused things for you? xx

?Hi Eliz

Am soooo much happier than when I first came on here on Saturday! Glad it went really well for both of us. I could tell you were feeling my pain from that 1st message. We have booked a date and got a venue reserved which we'll confirm in a couple of weeks. We get married on Friday 3rd August 2012! How exciting! I have a wedding date. It all happened really quickly because we went to see the church one Sunday and the hotel where we are having our reception is right next door and I mean RIGHT next door - we'll walk from the church to the hotel. So when we'd seen the church we had a nosey around the hotel and I fell in love with the whole thing. The hotel has the most beautiful views across the countryside and is stunning inside too. We have use of the main dinnng room, a bar and quiet room which my Dad insisted we needed. Can't argue - he's paying!! Have you any ideas for your date and venue?

Money wise, we didn't talk about money but he gave details of the website with the booklet on it with prices. They're 2011 prices so I've totted them up and added a bit and reckon, if we have everything on offer, it'll be £900 - £1000. We're Hampshire but not sure how costs differ across the country!!

Blushing Bride - Like Eliz I wasn;t too sure but everyone at our church was so friendly it made it so easy. Have you got a church in mind? I'd contact them first and go from there. If you haven't a church in mind then I'm not sure where you should start. Some churches require you to have a connection with them.

? xx

Hi Dilly,

I'm so pleased you are much happier after last saturday night! Isn't it funny how things work out? I'd not been a member of this forum for long and I didn't know what to do when I was getting all stressed on Sat night! Thank goodness for your original post!! :-) (Great minds think alike!!!)

It sounds like you are a little further along in planning than us! When the vicar asked for a provisional date we said the 4th Aug and he 'penciled it' into his diary, but think we'll change to 3rd Aug due to costs. How funny we are thinking of the same dates! H2B and me are looking at venues this weekend so we'll have more of an idea then.

Thanks for letting me know about costs at your church (I didn't want you to think I was being rude by asking!) It sounds like prices are about the same-ish. I'm going to do a bit more research on the internet about church costs and I might start a post in a week or so time to see what others think.

Keep in touch with your plans!

Elizabeth x