Military Weddings

Im technically a woman marrying into the military life (h2b is in the RAF) however he has REFUSED to wear his uniform and i am gutted ☹️ but have to go with his decision and ultimately his happiness.

In my case had he chose to wear the uniform (that myself, both our mums, my sister etc all think he should wear and may regret) then his best man whos also RAF would have worn the number ones aswell.

My plan was then to have complimenting colours to the uniform and then tie that in with the other ushers suits

I am super jealous of your sword part, completely agree a fab photo chance!

What colours are the australian uniform? and what colour scheme do you have? I dont think your being unreasonable and I probably would have just told them this is what you are wearing in this colour......but thats me!

HTH

My OH is RAF but I told him he is NOT wearing his uniform becuase A he will look like a tit being the only one (its a smll wedding) and B I dont want to think about the RAF on our wedding day! It takes up enough of our time together I dont want my day to be taken up by it too!

x

My OH is in the military too, and when we got married all the military guys wore uniform and then his brother, Dad and the ushers wore morning suits. It all looked fine together.

Wow loads of RAF Wives (and wives to be here!!) I am too!!

We got married this year and my H didn't want to wear his uniform which I totally respected.

Hannah, totally know where your coming from!! We didn't really want an RAF reference in it at all. Howver, if we had of gone down the military route then I think you're right Panda, Morning suits would look better alongside the uniform. Grey would look lovely!!

My OH is in the army and so will wear his number 1 formal dress for the wedding. He wanted to be the only one in uniform, I think due to his uncle being quite high in the army and him not wanting to have to salute him, so BM is not in his uniform but in a hired suit. However OH is trying to organise a guard of honor so we will need to have at least 6 others in Number 1 dress too in order to do this. It does slightly worry me that OH won't stand out as much.

We have BM and all of the other groomsmen in Navy Edwardian morning suits and red cravats to match OH. We went for this style as it is cut the same as OHs jacket. We wanted top hat and tails, but the suit shop advised us against it as H2b may then look like he is the least dressed up.

In terms of the rest of the night, I think OH is hoping to get some Mess Dress to wear which is a slight variation on the number 1 formal dress but a hell of a lot more comfy so that he can be more comfy.

I don't think it is unreasonable to want everyone dressed in the same suit / in their smart uniform. It was quite high importance on my list, so perhaps speak to H2b, show him some photo's of men in suits which don't match.

As a last resort though, you could get them all matching ties, so that they at least tie in.

Kayl my brother is in the Army and wore his uniform for his wedding last year. He wore his No 5's (Mess dress) for the whole thing as it was a July wedding so slightly better for the hot weather. That may be an option for your OH to ensure he would stand out as the groom if there are a few others in uniform. Mess dress looks just as smart as No 1's. Just a suggestion xx

Well, he only got promoted to a mess dress wearing person yesterday (although we've known it was coming since the course in Semptember) and so I have yet to actually see mess dress - it's so hard to get pictures of it worn due to privacy laws etc! Grrr.

But Thank-you... I will find out what it is like, especially as we are an August wedding and am hoping for a nice warm day.

When I get home I'll post a pic of my bro's wedding so you can see. Its quite similiar except the jacket is shorter and kind of cut out at the front with a kind of waist coat underneath. Depends on his regiment as they do vary slightly but it'll give you an idea anyway x

That would be excellent thanks Laura.

I only found out that they vary by regiment when I showed OH his moodboard - for him to say, well, mine doesn't have that, mine has this colour belt, my hat is a better shape! I just thought it was the Cat badge that differed! haha - so much to learn!

Oops!! The RAF are much simpler in that respect!!!

Perhaps I could suggest he transfers.., To make my life easier.... ?

I don't think he would find it funny!

Hmmmm.............Can't imagine that going down well!! Worth it for a giggle though!!!

A friend of mine married a policeman, he wore his police dress uniform, as did his brother who was also a policeman and his best man.

He had various friends there in police uniform, but everyone else was in 'normal' clothes. I didn't see it as an issue at all.

Couldn't agree with this more Starstruck! - Although for me it was the army

My OH is wearing his no 1's, it's wool and he will bake in August but he does look gorgeous! we're also getting him a grey three piece suit to match the rest of the wedding party so he can change into that later on in the day so he's a bit more comfortable. I don't think i'd want him to wear his mess dress, bless him he looks a bit like an oddly coloured waiter ? None of the rest of the wedding party are in the forces but some of his friends are coming hopefully enough for an honour guard and obv they will be in uniform!

Phoenix - your in a simular boat to us then!

I have asked OH if he would like a suit hired too, but he insists not! I just don't want him to be uncomfy! I think he said the uniform is pretty coarse too and a nightmare to get dressed into. He can't do his shoes up if his jacket is fastened and commented to the TOG that to take off the jacket and re-arrange shirt, etc would take a good 5 mins, so if it comes off for photos, it stays off for the rest...hehe.

My OH is in the RAF. I asked if he wanted to wear his uniform, but he said he'd rather not - he would have to purchase a mess outfit for it. We're having a small and intimate wedding ceremony with just family members, so he would have been the only one in uniform anyhow.

He's hired a Prince Edward suit in charcoal grey and looks pretty dapper in it - so i'm happy!

Hes still not wearing his uniform lol. He's not spending a lot of money on his suit for the wedding - hes not a morning suit type of person so is going with something he will wear again. No one else will be wearing uniform - so hes not either! x

Hannah - stand your ground on what you can I say! Afterall we don't get much of a say where the military are concerned!

I personally think OH looks yummy in his uniform so would always push him to wear it, although he already decided I think before he even proposed. Good on you though!! You never know how long he is going to be in the forces, and I do worry he'll come out in 5 years and look at our pics and think "Hmm.. What was I thinking.." but he tells me it won't happen..

Is it only me that doesn't get why people in the military wear their uniform for their wedding? ?

Haha - No - I don't know why exactly?

OHs uncle is in the army and very important and I don't think even he knows the ACTUAL reason, he just snapped and said: RESPECT, BEING PROUD.

I didn't want to delve any further, but I know it's tradition and IMO looks lovely.. Don't you like the look BrideBrat?

It's a traditional honour for military officers - kind of linked into the whole 'dulce et decorum est pro patria mori' thing for people who are willing to fight for their country. The USA are even more into it than we are & if you see anyone in a military uniform over there they get treated like a hero wherever they go & not just on 11/11.

Thanks for all your thoughts re morning suits & uniforms ladies. I was thinking navy morning suits to go with the RAF blue number 1 uniform but as the wedding theme will be pink & white love the idea of charcoal grey with pale pink waistcoat/tie. Lovely to see that there are so many other military wives/almost wives on here ? Now I just need to convince OH that BM & my dad really should be in a morning suit lol!

Yeah it's ok, looks smart etc. Just makes me think that people in the military have to show what they do all the time as if they are more important than anyone else.. It's hard to put into words without me sounding horrible lol. I mean like, Doctors and nurses do very important jobs as do lesser paid people like carers yet you wouldn't see them wearing their uniforms to their wedding, just seems odd lol.

BrideBrat, I am really struggling to reply without it sounding awfully emotional and rude so please bear with me as I try to explain.

Your opinion (which I respect) is very different to my own, I don't know your personal circumstances but I find that perhaps a little bit ignorant to what a soldier actually goes through? I considered giving you an insight into life as a military wife to be, but it's a tad too personal, so all i'd say is that I appreciate anyone who puts their needs before mine - Fire crew, police, nurses, doctors, carers, midwifes all kinds of individuals.. And I think they should be massively publicly praised and paid a lot more!

BUT in my opinion the "Services" - Fire, Military, Police go above and beyond the other amazing people and not only put themselves out for me as all the above do (directly or indirectly) but are willing to lay down their life to defend, help, save mine and in my eyes, they deserve that public recognition for that. I know he chose to do the job, but someone has to else we'd all be in danger.

I've posted this video before, but have a look at this and tell me that you deny then a little bit of public recognition, or not even public, but family praise. I also think you have a valid point in that we should be aplaud anyone giving back to the community in any way given the current culture teaches us to put ourselves first.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6bgkIwMiFeQ

I'd think you'd find this opinion amougst almost anyone who's been involved with or known someone who's in the army. I'm not saying you should feel the same, but that's why these people will always get my undivided respect. And why I am hugely proud of my H2b's job!

Hope that doesn't come across awful, but thought i'd explain why I feel so strongly.

Hi Kayl, very well put statement!

Before I got with my OH who is in the RAF, I was perhaps a little ignorant of the job they do and wrongly assumed that as it was a career they had chosen, then they should fully expect the harsh reality of life in the forces.

However, my eyes have been opened and it makes me want to cry every time he goes away (I'm going to watch the video you posted again in a sec, but whenever I watch it I'm in floods of tears!). It's hard to comprehend what being in a war - torn environment is like until you hear first hand the stories and see the pictures of things like the 'living area' surrounded by flesh eating camel spiders. The threat of being bombed day in day out and all to help others must be very difficult to cope with, I know when he comes home it can be awkward while he adjusts and relaxes.

What really amazes me is when I do get that rare phonecall while he is away and he always sounds so upbeat. You don't hear much of the bad news, just the awesome team spirit they all have and how they keep each other feeling upbeat and positive.

It is something to be proud of (and I'm very proud) and that is why they should be entitled to wear their uniform. Having said that, my OH doesn't want to wear his uniform (he will be the only one). I'm hoping to work on him though as it will be a lovely memory and the picture can be shown to our children of when mummy married a hero!

Love B x

Oh dear, this is a highly emotive subject now.

I don't think the wearing of uniform at weddings is to prove they are better than anyone else, it is simply an option they have when they get married. And why shouldn't they? My Husband chose not to and I was happy with thta as we wanted our day to be about us and not the RAF as this is our lives 365 days of the year and we wanted this day to be about us and not our job but I understand why some people do.

Being in the Military is not just a job choice for me, it is part of who I am and why I am the person I am. I won't be in the RAF forever but when I come out I will feel very strange at first because the RAF is so much of me...does that even make sense!!

I don't think anyone in the forces considers themselves to be better than anyone else. I certainly don't but I am proud of what I and my husband do, and I'm proud of what my friends and colleagues who serve alongside me do.

Yes other people such as policemen and firefighters, nurses etc also do an amaizng job, and as someone mentioned in an earlier post, policemen sometimes wear their uniform to their weddings too.

Don't really know what else to say.....!!

Oh man, some of you need to grasp the other end of the stick.

I never said people weren't entitled to wear their uniform, just couldn't understand why someone would wanna wear their work uniform. My Mum was a Firefighter (The first ever female firefighter in Shropshire actually) for almost 10 years, so I know what it's like for someone very close to me to put their neck on the line for others. My Grandparents fought in the war, my Uncle is a retired Major, my cousin is in the Navy, I have friends in Afghanistan etc etc so it's not like I'm completely oblivious to the way of life.. That wasn't the point at all. Someone might be proud to work in McDonalds but if they turned up in their uniform, they'd be laughed back down the aisle.

Being in the armed forces isn't just a job or 'work' it is a way of life that affects your whole life - where you live, the way you are expected to act in public, even what school your kids go to. If you can't embrace the whole military way of life you either shouldn't have that career or you shouldn't be with someone who has that career. The number 1 uniform is the ceremonial uniform which is why it is acceptable for it to be worn for weddings & this has gone back hundreds of years. If on a thread which is about military families/military weddings you show what might be taken as disrespect for what our armed forces do then of course you will get jumped on. What else did you expect?

Well, for one, I'd not expect you to act like a child. "OMG Ive taken something the wrong way and I think she disrespected me so I better call her a brat and speak to 'the likes of her' like something on my shoe."

** Post removed **

Sorry, it's to personal and makes me too emotional to talk about

MiniCooper - The original quesion was completely valid I agree. As I said, I asked the same question, as did my Mom (Becuase it messed with our colour scheme bless her - haha), brother etc.

I think that unless you are "in the thick of it" it's difficult to understand and have the same level of pride that a wife or wife to be does. And, I am fine with that, just as long as people don't question that or make me feel silly for that (which I am afraid the post did a little, perhaps not on purpose, but hey, i'm a sensitive one when it comes to my OH).

I've seen lots of Bridebrats posts and I am sure she is the kind to try to be malicious, but as I said, this subject is a bit too close to home and anything even slightly negative said is going to be a huge deal to me and other military wives.

Starstruck, I couldn't have put that better myself. What I will say though is Bridebrat, until you have waved your fiance or husband off at work knowing that you won't see him again for up to 6 months & when you do see him again he might be in his coffin that you simply don't understand what we have to go through on a regular basis - and we go through that to keep this country safe for you. That is why our men are proud to get married in their 'work clothes' and we are even prouder to stand next to them.